I am not sure if it's "safe" to say these things here, but I am going to. Please do not flame me if your views on toys are different. I have been trying to get access to the private forum with no response.
XH and I separated in January. We have two girls ages 7 and 8. He recently took the 8yo to the store and she came home with a brand-new plastic PVC made-in-China Disney doll from Wal-Mart, that he allowed her to spend her own money on part of. And today is our 7yo's birthday and he bought her brand-new plastic PVC Disney made-in-China 'polly pockets' dolls. I have very strong feelings against buying our kids Disney crap and also against buying off-gassing plastic PVC toys for them, especially brand-new.
I don't know what do with my feelings about this. It's like a slap in the face along with everything else that is going on. Could he not have chosen things for them that would have been in line with my values, too?!
I have always been in charge of gifts and managing the kids' toy collection. He asked me if we were going to do a joint gift for this birthday and I said no way. Separate = not joint, and though he was the initiator, he does not seem to get that. But "not joint" doesn't mean to blatantly disregard the other parents' feelings about things, especially when he knows how I feel about these things.
I want to send him an e-mail asking him if he's intentionally trying to piss me off with this new plastic Disney crap, and ask him to please stop. Because it IS pissing me off, and it's not in his best interest to heap coals on that fire. Would it be bad for me to do this?
How do you navigate these things? It's bad enough trying to navigate the gifts thing with extended family, but with an ex...arghhh. I've always aimed for simple and Waldorfy and homegrown...this Walmart plastic Disney crap is yet another insult (on top of the girlfriend, and the abandoning our marriage, etc).
I will absolutely explode if he buys them Barbies. I had better figure that one out before we get there.
Don't say, "Be glad he's participating in their birthdays." I know there is a spectrum here. That doesn't mean I have to just take whatever from him, does it? Like divorcing me means he can ditch all of our prior truces about these things?
How do you shelter your kids and keep their environment natural and healthy and good, if you can't control anything their dad does?? What if he gives them something that is totally unacceptable to you?