Questioning the decision the SAH

[cristeen]

Because I really seem to suck at this. Even getting the dishwasher loaded or swapping the laundry has to wait for naptime, assuming i dont fall asleep when i put him down.

Yet on the other hand, w as little sleep as i get, i dont know how i would function on a job, either. I need a nap at least twice a week (probably more, but the other days i deny myself for the sake of chores).

I'm really feeling like we'd be better off if I found a job (which is pure speculation, the UI stats are astronomical here). DS would be w other kids every day (which he seems to need), id be out of the house and away from him for a few hours, and with luck we'd be able to pay a cleaning service.

But of course, w DH in school, the chores would still all be my responsibility.

I'm not even sure what i'm looking for here... Commiseration? BTDT? I'll even take random thoughts or advice.

[zinemama]

If you fee like you all would be better off if you woh, then maybe you should start looking for a job, despite the unemployment situation. Just getting your feet in the water and seeing what's out there can't hurt.

Is your dh in school 24 hours/day? Because if he's not, I'm not seeing why you would have to do all the chores. Surely he could do some when he gets home from school and you could do some when you get home from work.

[marybethorama]

Would PT work be an option? 

If you want to work, there's nothing wrong with that, but if you want to stay home, there's nothing wrong with that either.

[cristeen]

Originally Posted by zinemama 

Is your dh in school 24 hours/day? Because if he's not, I'm not seeing why you would have to do all the chores. Surely he could do some when he gets home from school and you could do some when you get home from work.

He works 40/wk, commutes almost 10/wk and is in school at least 20/wk.

[frugalmum]

Let yourself nap as much as you need to.  I fought napping for a long time but found I was so much more productive when I let myself sleep as much as i needed to.  First try to deal with your sleep deprivation before you make any decisions. 

[Erin77]

My son is almost eight months old and I also feel like I kind of suck at the SOHM thing. I just tell myself it's not forever, it's just for now. I fantasize about getting a part time job (especially if I could be gone in late afternoon when my son gets impossible cranky, ha) but then when I actually visualize leaving every day, I think it would be tough for him and for me. So I have decided I'll evaluate when he's 18 months old and then every 6 months from there. If at any of my evaluation points I really think it will be more productive or comfortable for our family, then I'll start working again. Somehow having a plan with milestones makes it better. And also, I take a nap whenever I need. Screw the laundry, it will still be there when you get up and you'll feel better about it!

[alyadri]

I totally feel your pain!  I have two kiddos and stay at home with them fulltime.  My husband and I recently moved to a tiny little town where I know nobody.  DH works long hours and sometimes I feel like I'm going to lose my mind.  I wish I had some wonderful advice for you but unfortunately, it looks like we're in the same boat.  I agree with Erin above, screw the laundry....if you need a nap, take one!  Besides, staying home is a 24 hour job! :-)

Keep your chin up chica!!

[Drummer's Wife]

I don't see why you can't look for a job, line up childcare, and give it a try.  You might be happier, or you may feel even more burnt out b/c you still have all the housework and nighttime wakings and stress plus are working outside of the home.  It's one of those things you really won't know until you give it a try.  I went back to work for 4 months when my first baby was a year old, and it was only 4 months because I ended up not being happier.  She was being taken care of by someone else - right down the hall from me, so that was at least nice (I worked in a Montessori preschool/daycare). It ended up not being worth it to me b/c I was paying so much of my paycheck on her tuition and working 8 hours a day.  I realized I wanted to be at home with her, instead.  But I wouldn't have known that for sure if I didn't give it a shot.

Now, 10 years and 3 more kids later, I am back in college and thinking about working part-time.  My kids are all in school, though, but I think I suck as a SAHM when the kids aren't here - ie, the thought of doing a bunch of laundry and dishes depresses me!  Of course, it all has to be done regardless of if I am home during the day or not.  My DH does help a ton (he does more housework than I do), so I can see how it would be harder to decide since your DH is gone so much. 

[bignerpie]

Going from 1 year old to 2 years old has been the hardest time for me so far. My house was always a disaster, I was depressed, and basically, it was a good day if I managed to feed everyone.

I tried a part time job when my son was 15 months old, had a terrible experience with the daycare, and quit. But before all that happened, I really enjoyed having a break from home.

Now, I can leave my son to play in his room for a minute while I run down and switch the laundry. He helps me unload the dishwasher. My house is somewhat clean again, and I'm feeling better.

Just take it one day at a time, do whatever you can, and don't feel the least bit guilty about what you don't get done.