When did you tell people you were planning on homeschooling?

[dejagerw]

DS1 is only 2.5, but it seems like people (mostly family, but some friends) are constantly mentioning "school" to him.

"When are you going to start him in preschool?" (to me)

"When you go to school, you'll ___" (to him)

Part of me wants to tell my family and friends that we're planning to homeschool, but part of me wants to wait to the last possible moment, because I don't want people (mostly my mom and MIL) spending 3 years trying to talk me out of it.

Do you think it's better to tell people, or just wait? Part of me doesn't want DS1 to get too excited about going "to school". I don't want him to be disappointed in not going after everyone's hyped it up over the years.

[onatightrope]

If you have decided not to do preschool next year, I would share that.  I wouldn't share anymore than that.  People won't take your decision seriously, and they will spend the next 3 years trying to talk you out of it.  And worse, if you change your mind, they'll think they succeeded.  

The school talk won't do him any harm.  I wouldn't worry about it.

[bobandjess99]

Originally Posted by onatightrope 

If you have decided not to do preschool next year, I would share that.  I wouldn't share anymore than that.  People won't take your decision seriously, and they will spend the next 3 years trying to talk you out of it.  And worse, if you change your mind, they'll think they succeeded.  

OMG this. yes, yes yes this.  Telling people stuff earlier than you have to just invites aggravation.  It's so much easier to tell people after the fact if possible, but as late as possible otherwise.  Unfortunately, since schooling is something that goes on and on,(unlike say, a homebirth where you can be like, "oh, baby is here and was born at home and we are all wonderful thanks) chances are you will still get naysayers and flack, but there is no need for it to start now. :)  

I'd say that you decided not to do preschool for next year.  

Don't worry about the "when he's in school..."  comments...just smile and nod.  Smile. and. Nod.  

[sarahtar]

You know, normally I would agree with that. For example, we told people about our planned homebirth when DD was a few hours old. LOL.

But with HS, we ended up going a different route. We got sooooo tired of the school comments, my DH just told his family that we are going to HS, the end.

But that came after years of laying the groundwork, I guess, lol. That was three years of us doing things like cloth diapering, babywearing, breastfeeding - and right in front of them too, can you even believe it? And with each thing, we have not allowed discussion or argument. These things are not up for discussion. And while his family is irritating and disrespectful of us in so many ways, one thing they will not do is engage in debate with either one of us. We are both formidable debaters and they have had ample opportunity to learn this. I often follow up discussions with emails to links and resources supporting my argument, too, which I know annoys them, and so we've gotten to the point where I think I could walk in to a family dinner and announce that we are all shaving our heads and becoming monks and they'd just nod and keep eating. (Then discuss it at length behind our backs, including name calling.)

[Tjej]

I've generally held out on telling but have done a fair bit of discussing all the educational options with people.  I find it helpful too - then I know what we are choosing and feel more prepared to feel confident in our choice to homeschool.

My mom especially doesn't like the idea, so I just recently told her that we WILL be homeschooling this coming fall because I signed up for it.  I tried to wait as long as possible, but I also did talk about the homeschooling options with her beforehand, so it isn't totally out of left field.

Tjej

[PNCTink]

My DH only just came on board, so for us teling the ILs it was recently. I have been talking with my Mom about the possibility starting a few years ago, but she's never been one to tell us what we should and shouldn't do. I think that helped her get used to the idea gradually and when I told her a few weeks ago she wasn't shocked and actually had a few genuine questions. Good luck!

[Calliope84]

We told our families (our parents and siblings) we'd be homeschooling since before DD was born. I've warned them all I intend to breastfeed for at least two years so they can get used to the idea and not act uncomfortable or astonished when it happens. I also let them know I was going to getting a lot of wooden toys and when we co-slept I let them know that, too. I let them get their objections out of the way. It hasn't really caused us any problems. I like that we are getting them used to the idea. By the time it happens it will be like its been happening all along since we always say it will. 

And... I know it isn't any of their business, really, but they are going to hound us with objections anyway because that is just how they are. 

[leighi123]

Ds has been telling people he was homeschooled sense he could talk.   Kids ARE homeschooled if they are staying home, until they actually go to a school.  So even though we hadn't decided for preschool (here its VPK, free public/private school for 4yr olds), when he was 2 and 3, he would tell people he is homeschooled.  

[curiouscanadian]

Quote:

If you have decided not to do preschool next year, I would share that. I wouldn't share anymore than that. People won't take your decision seriously, and they will spend the next 3 years trying to talk you out of it. And worse, if you change your mind, they'll think they succeeded.

We approached this slightly differently by saying we were thinking about/seriously considering/hoping to homeschool even though it is a pretty darned sure thing. That way it opened up the discussion in a low-key way. Of course we still had to deal with the "But what about socialization?!!!" comments but I figure those would've come no matter what.

But maybe we're lucky because none of the family members are the type to try to interfere in such a decision. At most they voice their concerns and we're able to address them or (and I know this is a cop-out) simply say, "Hmm, that's something to think about/investigate further." (Pass the bean dip.)

[zebra15]

Well my son is 10 but in the early years I never said anything. I did comment on how I didnt like the local school system and where the State ranked nationally etc. I also would comment that DS's b'day would make him start kindy when he was almost six etc.  I did give in and do a semester of kindy and it was horrible for everyone involved.  We have been HS ever since.   I still get comments from people but by now they pretty much realize the decision isnt mine, its DS's choice and he isnt going to change his mind!

[Savoir Faire]

I knew since my daughter was very young...but did not tell anyone outside my parents until it was time for Kindergarten. The reactions we got from people pretty much confirmed what I did.

[user_name]

Similarly to others, we just started saying we were thinking of/considering/looking into the idea of homeschooling whenever it came up. Our families know us (me) as the odd-ball, though, so we actually got asked if we were going to send our child to school  - as if the default in their minds was that we would choose homeschool. heehee 

But one thing I have definitely picked up from the experience of talking with other parents (with kids who already attend or who will likely attend public or private school - including our own parents!) is to avoid criticizing public schools. In every situation I've ever done this, the other parent responded with defensiveness (though most often cloaked to be polite). However, when we discuss how our CHILD would do better in a home learning atmosphere because HE has X, Y, Z characteristics/issues, then it comes across as more respectful to the other parent(s) and there is more back-and-forth discussion rather than argument. I think it gives them an "out" or a way to save face.  From their perspective, you might come across as though you think you are a better parent. It's a common theme in many discussions of non-mainstream parenting choices, unfortunately, but stick to the subject of your kid & it should prevent at least that headache.   :)

edited to add: Oh and about the hype/dissappointment issue: Riding the school bus was a biggie around here. Even though he has made it clear he does not want to go to Kindergarten next year, he was still absolutely pumped about riding the school bus. I told him we would make a cardboard school bus to use -- showed him pictures of insprations (costumes online) -- and he is quite fine with that. I don't even think we'll have to drag it out everyday, as he will undoubtedly loose interest. For other things, I think there is so much opportunity to hype up homeschool that he won't really care about what he's "missing."

Edited by user_name - 5/17/11 at 3:47pm

[mamaupupup]

Shortly after our twin girls were born the terrible shooting at Virginia Tech took place.  At that point I said, "I'm homeschooling through graduate school."  When it was time for preschool we toured most of the preschools in our town and I SETTLED for a very good one.  That lasted all of six weeks.  That's when I figured out that I had to and wanted to do what is appropriate for my children and my family (including me).  I've found a nature-based mentoring program (Forest Kindergarten-ish) which I love (and which gives me some time to run and run errands).  So, our families have seen us choose an "alternative" path along the way. 

So the when was along the way/when the girls were 4.5 (but they are not required to go to kindergarten until a year from now)

How did I announce it?  On Facebook.  And it worked!  Here's my quote:  "Bit the homeschool bullet! Adventure Kindergarten, here we come!" and here were some of the responses:  Wow! Cant wait to talk to you about it! and My best friend from grade school went this route. She has a whole community of support and just adopted her 4th child from Russia. Let me know if you want a veteran's advice and I'll put you in touch. She's an amazing woman and an even more amazing mom. etc, etc, etc. 

The best part about announcing on FB:  I didn't have to tell my MIL.  One of the cousins told her.  Ha!  When I saw her recently she didn't even debate it/say anything/etc.  Her silence is 100% based in being unsupportive (she was a public school teacher).  But, she really can't say anything since the girls adore her, are well socialized and wicked good at language and naming every mammal on the planet...

The craziest part about all this is that I truly didn't know how committed my DH was until recently:  I started talking about private school and he said, "no way--I don't want my children growing up with a sense of privilege."  That combined with my hesitation with public school solidified our HS path.  Once we had that discussion I posted on FB.  It's been such a relief to just say it.