Night time weaning advice for a mom of two with no help

[lizzyleigh]

HI everybody!  I really need some advice here but I would like to start out by saying that I am not comfortable with letting my baby cry it out.

I have a 3 year old and a ten month old and my husband works on the rigs so he is away for 3 weeks out of every month.  I co-slept with my 3 year old until he was 2 and he nursed all night on me until he was 16 months.  At that time I simply told him my milk was all gone and cut him off cold turkey.  He was totally fine with it, when I tried to wean him gradually it was a nightmare and he was confused.  He now sleeps in his own room.  

My daughter starts out in her crib and then when she wakes up I am tired so I always bring her into bed with me and she nurses all night.  This never used to be a problem but now with my husband gone my son often wakes up with nightmares and needs me.  I have such a hard time because as soon as I take my daughter off of me she wakes up.  If I try to bring my daughter in my sons room with me his crying makes her cry and then we are all sitting there crying!  I have tried to get my son to come sleep in my bed with us when he is scared but because she was so colicky when she was a baby he refuses to sleep in the same room as her.  

I have my husband home for 3 weeks right now because of spring break up and I thought it would be the perfect time to wean her from nights and then still nurse her during the day.  I dont know what to do because she is a very large baby (whereas my son was tiny and barely ate) she eats EVERYTHING. I know she will get the nutrients that she needs still if she is not nursing at night (or at all) but I just dont want to damage her psychologically.  Everybody tells me that she will be fine and I do know that she will be but I hate to think I am taking away these special bonding moments with her at night when really its the only time she has me all to herself.  At the same time, my son, who has always had me now has to share me, has lost his father for most of the month AND on top of that I cant even come into to comfort him at night without bringing her.  DO I WEAN????  She also has teeth and bites ALL the time.  I need some good advice here.  I am so torn.  I was planning on having my husband take her from 11-7 tonight with a bottle of milk (she loves milk but never takes it as a subsitute) so at least I know she wont go hungry.

I just want some more advice before we go ahead with this..............

Thanks ladies

[Thandiwe]

Oh, mama, what a tough situation you are in!  I'm so sorry!  It sounds like you have a lot on your plate.  I can't imagine how you do this on your own. 

I can relate to a child who flips out when you try to end a night nursing session.  My baby (he's 14 months old) is the same way.  He hasn't ever slept more than 1-1.5 hours at a time at night without me right next to him, nursing him.  It is very difficult late at night to manage multiple kids who need you when all you want is some sleep!  I can't tell you exactly what to do in your situation, but I can say that I wouldn't feel comfortable switching a baby over to straight cow's milk at night at 10 months old.  Breastfeeding, as you know, is ideal 24/7, but you do have a lot on your plate right now.  If I were in your shoes, and I were going to night-wean my 10 month old, I would probably supplement with formula.  By 10 months old, she should be able to hold her own bottle.  I had a foster baby on formula, and what we often did was have a bottle of water on hand, then keep formula in one of those divider plastic things where you pre-measure the formula scoops.  Then all you have to do is pop the formula into the water, shake, and serve.  Potentially, you could give her a bottle of formula while you go tend to your son.  I wouldn't try to cut nutrition at night, since she seems hungry for it.  And I personally wouldn't switch to cow's milk at only 10 months old.

You have a big decision on your hands.  I think you need to look at the whole picture, though, and allow yourself to make the decision that works for you.  If that means weaning and switching to formula so you can spread yourself wide enough to cover you, your daughter, and your son.  You need to have sanity, balance.  I know it isn't ideal in your mind, but your daughter will still be okay if you switch her over to formula at night.  From what you're saying, you've tried every possible arrangement, from offering your son to come into the room with you, to bringing your daughter with you, etc.  It sounds like you're really stressed, and something has to give.  You need your sanity.  Perhaps with less stress at night, the biting might lessen.

Good luck, and I hope this helps.  You're not Super Woman; allow yourself a little mercy.  You have a lot on your plate!  I hope you find the balance you need to thrive and take care of you - and your kiddos!

[D_McG]

I would definitely night wean her.

[lizzyleigh]

Thank you so much for your help.  Did you keep nursing your son?  I have tried to night wean her and I think it is so much harder on her because she doesnt understand why she can nurse sometimes and not others. I cant stand to hear her cry and it freaks my son out as well.  I think because my son was way better off cold turkey my daughter seems to be that way too.  I know it sounds terrible but I think I am just going to cut her off cold turkey from nursing :(  of course it i think its affecting her I will nurse her again but she eats so so well and drinks from a cup and when she is nursing its just to suck for comfort.  although i love and appreciate that sucking for comfort in itself is so important, I think that our whole family will be better off if she can just switch to something else.  :(  Im going to keep nursing her and enjoy it for the next two weeks and then when my husband gets home and shes 11 months Im going to stop.  It makes me sad but at the same time she drew BLOOD today......... I dont know how much longer I could do that anyway.

Thank you so much for the help :)

[Thandiwe]

I did keep nursing my son.  He's still nursing, and he's about 14 months old.  I hope that you are able to find the arrangement that works for you.  It's really awesome that you've nursed her for 11 months already given your situation!  It sure sounds like you have a lot on your plate!  Kudos for keeping up with nursing despite everything.