Discipline for a 2yo

[martaluna]

Our son is high-maintanance I would say, but we always subscibed to AP style of parenting and taking care of all his needs. It comes to a point now though I think it's time to start disciplining him more often but I wonder how to do it most effectively. His offenses are of course normal for his age, but I still want to know how to address them and help him learn it is not ok. One issue is that he is not talking much yet and some things I'm not sure if he comprehends when I say.

Here are some examples:

- Throwing a toy (usually when he is mad about something): I usually tell him "Don't throw toys. If you throw toys I will take them away". When I do he has a huge tantrum.

- Hitting: on occasion he will him me, usually when I say no to something he wants. I say "no hitting mommy" in serious voice and walk away. He normally starts crying as if I upset him.

I try to prevent tantrums in the first place, but what should I do when they still happen? Should I walk away and wait it out (he normally runs after me then anyway)? What should I do at the moment it happens?

Any ideas appreciated. Thanks!

[cocobean]

I wouldn't walk away unless you're having a hard time controlling your temper.  Let your child know you understand they're upset but that behaviour is not acceptable.  My DS will do somthing and I will tell him not to and it will cause him to cry, he always comes to me and needs comfort and a hug even though I'm the person he is upset with.  Silly kids! 

On a different note if your child isn't understanding you at 2 years old that is not normal.  They might not be able to articulate their thoughts and may not understand absolutly everything but they should comprehend things you say.  I may have just misunderstood what you were meaning though. 

Also you might want to check out the book Raising Our Children Raising Ourselves.  Awesome!  I have learned so much about parenting and my child!  I recomend it to anyone who is having issues with discipline and their child.  Good luck!  2 year olds are hard!

[martaluna]

I must clarify that in general he understands what we're saying, but when he is upset and especially during tantrum nothing gets to him I believe, so I usually wait until he calms down. I tried staying with him when he has a tantrum but he just keep requesting what I said no too and this continues as I say no again, ahhh. He also doesn't want to be held usually.

Thanks for the book recomendation, I need to check that out.

[mamazee]

When he keeps asking what you won't let him have during a tantrum, I'd briefly empathize, like "You wanted a cookie" so he feels heard, and maybe "You're angry because you can't have a cookie" if that helps. Then just let him have his tantrum. Tantrums are normal and part of development for a lot of kids, and they learn through them so they aren't useless. They're just an annoying stage that he will thankfully outgrow.

[cocobean]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

When he keeps asking what you won't let him have during a tantrum, I'd briefly empathize, like "You wanted a cookie" so he feels heard, and maybe "You're angry because you can't have a cookie" if that helps. Then just let him have his tantrum. Tantrums are normal and part of development for a lot of kids, and they learn through them so they aren't useless. They're just an annoying stage that he will thankfully outgrow.

This is what started doing after his tantrums were getting crazy and it totally works.  It took awhile since it's not how we started parenting him but after a month or so of being consistant with validating his feelings, his tantrums are much smaller and shorter. 

I figured I was just misunderstanding about the comprehension thing.  For DS once a tantrum really got going there was no getting through to him! 

[Everrgreen]

I'm not sure if I should even be giving advice because I fail miserably at parenting my 2 year old every day!  He is frustrating!  I do yell (I hate that!) and I do need to storm off into my room to breath by myself and cool down.

BUT, every so often I'm able to remember all the wonderful advice I read here and do things that actually work.  Such as:

Tantrums:  Acknowledging what he's upset about and giving words to his emotions (like the pp said, "you really wanted that cookie"  "you are very angry because you can't have the cookie")  Sometimes I'll just say "you seem very angry/frustrated/sad, do you need a hug?" and he usually does want a hug and then it's all better.  If he is refusing to take my no for an answer, I will try and redirect, ex "you can't have a cookie... Do you want an apple OR a banana? You choose!"

Hitting:  This definitely pushes my buttons, he does it when he's mad at me or sometimes when he's overtired and being silly, I sternly remind him 'no hitting, that hurts', or I might say 'i am sad because you hurt me', and I do ask him to say sorry and give me a hug.

Throwing:  I always take the toy away, not permanently just in the moment and then it gets forgotten about for a while.  I remind him not to throw.  I remind him of the things he CAN throw (his ball).  Or redirect to a different activity.  He gets more 'throwy' when he's tired or hungry.

Distraction/redirection are good tools for toddlers!  If I can get him excited about something new he will quickly move on!