First playdate - how to make it NOT a lunch date? - Page 2

[Birdie B.]

Sounds like you found a good solution! I hope it works out. And maybe once you get to know this other family better, you can explain some of your concerns.  I just wanted to echo some of the other posters and say that I don't offer food to friends in expectation of being reciprocated either.  And I've had friends tell me that they are just too strapped to go out to eat when I suggested it, so we had a potluck instead. Not a big deal, everyone's financial situation is different.  I would really hate to miss out on time with friends because they didn't want to tell me they couldn't afford to go out to eat! So speak up!

[Purple*Lotus]

I wanted to comment on the expectation that you owe people meals.

I am a teacher, and occasionally my co teacher isn't there, and someone comes in to help me.  I always offer to get lunch for the person who is in there helping me, I would say I  have done this for about 5 co-workers over the past year.  I have never had an expectation to get paid back somehow.  I truly hope that they don't feel bad or worried about it, because I would not offer if I couldn't afford it or expected something in return.  I do it because I am so thankful to have some help and I want them to know that I appreciate them giving up their own scheduled plans to help me.

For my co teacher in my room, she might bring me a bagel or I might pick up a soda for her if I am out on my break.  We do not keep track of these things.  I might say, "Oh let me pay for the coffee today, you treated me last time." or something, but it is not something that I spend too much time thinking about.

I think you made a good plan by offering to bring something.  I totally understand being so financially strained that one meal out would break me.  In fact, I spent over a year turning down invitations with friends because I truly did not even have the $5 for fast food.  A couple of times I was taken out to dinner and treated by friends because they knew things were hard for me.  I did not feel bad about it because truly, if roles were reversed, I would have done the same for them. 

[beenmum]

I so know what you mean. I am also HOH and I do miss social cues and tend to word my posts and thoughts a bit funny.

Dont stress abotu it tho. You did a nice thing.

[pigpokey]

If I get take-out to a single playdate I am not keeping score, also if I choose to host the playdate and provide food that's my issue.

Also I would consider it equal contribution if another mom brought iced tea, and a side like potato salad or whatever fruit was on sale sliced and prepared.  That would only be a couple of dollars' worth of "raw materials" but if I'm doing takeout, clearly I don't want to prepare anything.