Grandparent favoritism?

[lovingmommyhood]

I'm going to make this as short as possible...I have a 7 year old DS...a 5 year old DS and a 3 year old DD... My parents are divorced and my dad is remarried so we go to his house once every two weeks or so for dinner.

My dad has always favored DS1 and DD over DS2...DS1 is really outgoing, affectionate, easy going, geared toward sports, & responsible. DS2 is more introverted, somewhat standoffish when he is not at home and is amazingly talented when it comes to putting together large puzzles...he likes to be alone, is easily extremely upset and is always thinking about something. DD, well she's just the little princess who can do no wrong. (Ha!!) 

My dad has told me that he has to "make sure" to treat my kids the same as it comes easier for him to relate to DS1...while I appreciated the honestly it really bothered me, but I figured as long as he treated them the same and DS never caught on, there wasn't a lot I could do. My brother has said things to my dad about DS1 being his favorite and my dad has never denied it. He just chuckles. He makes comments about how DS2 has "OCD tendencies" and I feel like every time he's friendly with him, that it's forced and he thinks he's doing some great deed. 

Now, I'm pregnant and very sensitive so that could be coloring my view of this, which is why I ask.

Tonight at DD's birthday celebration my dad was nit picking DS2 about not sitting up at the table, no big deal...then twice when DS2 went up to him to try and talk to him he said "Go ask Grandma to wipe that yellow stuff off of your face, it's unsightly"...instead of just ignoring the food on the face and listening to his grandson... then he made a comment about how DS will probably "Be a street person, one who makes a lot of money but just prefers living on the street." (I have NO idea what the hell that means and didn't ask nor did I respond. DS didn't hear him as he was outside.) 

The final straw was that my dad was playing catch with DS1 out in the yard and DS2 went running up to him waving his arms excitedly "Grandpa, Grandpa! Come here, I want to show you something!" no response, no glance his way...nothing...again "Grandpa I want to show you something!" nothing. "Grandpa, I want to show you something!" then my dad says "Listen to what your mom said" (I hadn't spoken to him so I don't know what he was talking about) at this point I feel like I am going to cry because I'm watching my DS begging for his Grandpa to pay attention to him but oh no, he can't give him any sort of response because he's too busy with the golden child DS1... DS2 starts getting upset at this point and gets more frantic about wanting Grandpa to come see what it is and so I said "DS what is it that you want Grandpa to come see?" and he ignores me and says "Grandpa, come here I want to show you!" and my dad says "What is it? I'm not just going to follow you all over if you won't tell me what you want me to see." DS responds "Come on it's over here I want to show you!" he starts whimpering and tries again to which my dad replies "You can't control every situation, I'm not coming!" So I told DH to pick DS up because I was getting pissed and DH just tried to talk to DS which was only aggravating him so I went and picked him up which made him start screaming and I put him in the vehicle and we left. I didn't say goodbye to my dad...

Am I over reacting? PLEASE be honest. I know DS has an intense personality and he can be hard to deal with but for my dad to just dislike him because he's not like DS1...it just breaks my heart. I don't know what to do. Do I just keep DS2 away from him? Do I ignore it? 

[AllisonR]

hugs. There are a lot of other threads on here about favoritism. I think you should do a search for them, a lot of good advice.

No, I do not think you are over reacting. Favoritism does NO ONE any favors - not the favored child, not the rejected child. The rejected child can have self-esteem problems, the favored child can have performance and guilt problems. Plus it inadvertently pits the children against each other.

You can pick and choose friends, but not family. They need to be on board, they need to be there and treat all fairly - not equally as everyone is different - but fairly.