Originally Posted by Abraisme I think that feeding your kids junk food, voluntarily putting an infant in daycare, letting an infant cio, refusing to research, etc are all forms of child neglect. I know what it's like to extend yourself past comfort for your own child, I don't see a lot women doing this
I have to respectfully disagree. The vast majority of parents I've met do the best they can with what they have. My kids do eat junk food more than I'd like, as do my husband and I. ESPECIALLY with the hyperemesis, where even eating the high calorie dense foods that tend to fall into the "whatever I can keep down" category I'm still losing weight. If I ate a diet that I would consider healthy right now, I'd likely be even worse off, since I am having aversions to most fruits/veggies/greens and when I do try to eat them I vomit. As for the kids, they will gladly eat healthy food, but they do get snacks as well. We all do! A life without snack food is a life I don't want to live.
Daycare isn't neglect. As someone who has been a provider. I hated sending my kids to daycare over last Christmas, but I did. Including dd3, who was then 9 months. I HAD to get a part-time job, and even though friends and family kept them a lot, there were a few times we had to send them to daycare (and were able to do so for free since my mom works in the 5 year old room there). I could have not neglected the kids and stayed home with them 100% of the time, but I don't think my mortgage company would've taken my happy, healthy kids as payment on the house. And that would've kind of negated the point of me working to help provide a roof over their heads, now wouldn't it have?
I'm not a CIO advocate or fan, but I have had two dd's now that I HAD to let cry for a few minutes. They neither one were babies who nursed to sleep (this was at the 9+ month stage, where they like to assert their independence), and if they were overly tired they would cry for around five minutes before falling asleep. If I tried to lay with them during this time, especially if I tried laying with them in fact, it made things a LOT worse. They'd push me away, flail about in the bed screaming, etc. If I walked out, as much as it did kill me to do so, they were generally quiet and asleep by the time I walked down our tiny little hallway.
And comfort is subjective. It's impossible to know what a woman, or a man for that matter, is or isn't doing for their children regardless of what their choices outwardly appear to be. As someone who breastfed this last time through 4 months of milk blebs (which had me weekly digging dried milk out of my nipple with a needle until I was bleeding and pumping pink milk), food intolerances (couldn't use garlic to get rid of my sinus infections all winter and had to deal through them), multiple rounds of mastitis, and ongoing low supply issues because of everything else combined, I'd say I was past my comfort level. My other two nursed until they were 3. DD3 is weaning at 15 months. The breastfeeding journey I've been on with her has taught me more than the six years of nursing I had before her ever did. I will NEVER judge a woman who has tried and been unsuccessful at breastfeeding. I don't know her story. Maybe she is nursing, and the bottle is of pumped milk because she has to use an SNS with donor milk due to low supply and she isn't comfortable using it in public. Maybe she is on a medication that truly is incompatible with nursing (and I know very few are, but some of them are). Maybe she had to be separated from her baby due to a medical emergency after the birth and didn't get to get a good start at nursing. Maybe she was sexually abused and finds that as non-sexual as nursing is, it still brings on a trigger for her and she's unable to do so. Other situations (using disposable diapers, putting a baby in a crib and walking away when you're at the end of your rope, not babywearing, being a working mom, etc) are just as multi-faceted. Unless we've been privy to a mom's personal journey, judgement is completely inappropriate.