Discipline for a 9 month old

[Summer1216]

First of all I'm not talking about smacking him or something like that... He's just going through the normal developmental phases, but I can't find any information on how to deal with this and start redirecting the behaviors. So far he's not doing anything that's hurting very much, but as he gets bigger and stronger the same behaviors will hurt more. I got the Dr Sears discipline book, but that's all for older toddlers - and hasn't been that helpful because he's not giving ideas on how to cope/redirect behaviors.

I'd like to start curbing/redirecting these behaviors ASAP because most of my friends with kids a year older have ended up getting frustrated and turned to smacking/spanking/biting back to stop them. I don't want to limit his closeness to us (which is the other suggestion I got) because we're a very touch-centered family. He's a very tactile baby and always likes to be touching, and touched by us. But some of his touching is starting to be painful.

He likes my hair and has started pulling my hair. He likes it better when it's tied up out of reach, because then he can get the small individual hairs around the base of my neck. He does it a lot when I'm trying to "wear" him, and I'd really rather not stop - but it's starting to hurt when he yanks those tiny hairs.

He gets really excited and hits me or the dog - but it's just an enthusiastic gesture. How do I show him gently not to do that? It doesn't hurt yet... should I wait til it actually hurts, or start redirecting now?

He doesn't have top teeth yet, but he's starting to experiment with his two lower ones. So far he hasn't bitten my nipple - he practiced biting without teeth and I would always unlatch, set him up and say "ouch!" Half the time he didn't care and would be fine with it, half the time he'd howl and be really upset that his meal was interrupted- I assume he'll try again at some point. It only took a couple of days before he stopped. But now he likes blowing raspberries on my arm, and practicing open mouthed kisses. I can't tell if he's trying to bite though - sometimes it seems like he's trying to get his teeth in there. Should I stop those behaviors to avoid biting issues? Or should I wait until I'm sure he's biting and it hurts?

He's starting this head-banging thing. When DH or I are on the floor, and he' sitting next to us, out of the blue he'll throw himself forward - head first - into our face. He does it when we're sitting too, to be close and get a cuddle - but then it doesn't matter because he just squishes into an arm or leg. But when he does it onto a face he's usually slamming into my eye socket. He did it hard enough I thought I was going to get a bruise the other day. 

The last thing he's doing is pinching. His tiny fingers are getting really strong. He loves stroking and feeling my arms and breast when he's nursing - but then he suddenly gets a tiny piece of skin and pinches. It hurts!!! Should I do the same as when he bit me? (unlatch and set him off my lap and say "ouch!")

If you have any links or ideas, please share them!!! 

[ThreeTwoFive]

I could have written your post 9 months ago (except with more teeth).  They're all normal phases, so don't worry too much.

I did have to give up on the babywearing when he started biting my back.  That hurt!  

Basically, it's redirect, redirect, redirect, ad nauseum.

"Gentle!  Touch momma's hair gently."  And show him how to do it.

Keep explaining, "Hands are not for hitting.  That hurts mommy.  That hurts daddy.  Ouchie.  Ouchie."  (At 18 months DS started saying "ow, ow, ow" when we say it.  Empathy is finally happening.)

And for the biting while breastfeeding, or if he keeps pulling your hair, unlatch and put him down for a short time.  It helps to touch the teeth (gently, but making it clear what you're talking about) when you say, "No biting with teeth.  That hurts momma."  He always thought my screaming "Ow" was the most hilarious thing in the world.

If I feel upset, like if his enthusiastically smacking me gives me the impulse to smack back, I will quickly take him to his room, and put him in his crib for a 30-second time out.  That's more so I can calm down than for him, but it does reinforce that I'm serious about the not hitting.  

Enjoy the raspberries and the kisses.  And watch out for the head butts!  

[Snapdragon]

I think it is important to try to teach the baby to respect your personal physical body boudaries at an early age.  If ds does somehting hurtful- unintentionally- to my body, I say no, gently- he gets it. Or I protect my body by moving away. I think it is good to model for them that we, as the adult, respect our own body and do what we can to keep others from hurting us- and also to teach the baby not to do that if it is painful! Just saying no, but then usually I give him loving affection and redirect his attention- or just pick him up and bring him somewhere else- the other room, change the focus. But I don't think it is  a good idea to let a baby hit you or pull your hair if it hurts you

[woodchick]

I don't think that there's much you can do at this age other than to predict and avoid his actions or redirect. Also, you may want to start giving him positive things to do instead.

For instance, If he's prone to pinching your breast while nursing you can either let him start pinching you and then say "ouch! That hurts me. Here, hold my hand / grab this teddy / fiddle with this necklace instead.  OR you can head it off at the start by offering one of those things before he pinches, in hopes of keeping his hands busy from the get go.

Several of the things you mention, blowing raspberries, head banging, excited arm swinging, for example, seem to me to be things that happen when you are still new to the world and you are exploring your body and the things it can do.  All of this is still so new to him and he doesn't yet have full control over what his excitement propels his body to do!

You can also try to be playful about things.  So if he blows a raspberry on your arm and you don't like it (or you don't want his teeth to linger) you could swoop him up into your arms and say "oh you rascally fellow! What a funny sound! Let's see how you like that!" and then blow a raspberry on his belly.  Keep it all very exaggerated and silly, and with a smile.

Personally, I wouldn't get hung up on this as a discipline issue. Most of these things will pass without major incident. (This is where I warn you about the distinct possibility of him blowing a raspberry on your breast, while nursing!)  Gentle redirection and reminders will help many things and time will cure the others.

[cristeen]

He is old enough to work on gentle touches. But thats about it. And it will be a while before you see that having effect. We started around 9 mos because we have cats and he was curious. So we show him how to pet the cat gently. 10 mos later, he does really well being gentle w the cat and w a friends infant. We still have trouble w the hitting and biting, but most of the time a reminder of "gentle touches" is effective w the cat or the baby.