The family bed, year 6

[SweetSilver]

Who out there still curls up with their kids at night, even though they are long past nursing? My daughters (6 and 4) have always slept with me.  It's nice to curl up with them, especially after a hard day.  Annoyance?  they want me to stay while they fall asleep (and not leave).  I'm not sure I'm asking for advice, as neither is ready to sleep without me I don't think, at least I am not ready to struggle with that issue yet, but some experienced advice wouldn't hurt.  And I'd love to hear from parents about sharing the family bed with kids as they age.  

[ChinaDoll]

DD chose to move to her own room/bed at age 4.5 ... DS is still with us at least part of the night on most nights at age 7. If he needs it, we're ok with that; I'm so glad to have DH's support in it!

[Peony]

My 8y just moved into her own room leaving the 4 and 2y each sleeping with a different parent. 

[SweetSilver]

Who has initiated the change?  And how did that work?  Was it a smooth transition or was there resistance?  What were the events leading up to the big switch?  I'm curious.  I'd like to know what the signs of readiness might look like.  I would have to have both my girls ready, because, being so close in age, there would be jealously and fighting.  

One said to me, while reading "Polo and Lily", "He must be grown up because he's sleeping all by himself."  That was sweet.  And it could be that they kick me out of the bed before I'm ready!

[Peony]

Originally Posted by SweetSilver 

Who has initiated the change?  And how did that work?  Was it a smooth transition or was there resistance?  What were the events leading up to the big switch?  I'm curious.  I'd like to know what the signs of readiness might look like.  I would have to have both my girls ready, because, being so close in age, there would be jealously and fighting.  

One said to me, while reading "Polo and Lily", "He must be grown up because he's sleeping all by himself."  That was sweet.  And it could be that they kick me out of the bed before I'm ready!

We had tried 2-3 other times over the years, I led the way then, and it never lasted more then a handful of days to maybe 2 weeks. Last time I tried was last fall I think, after that I decided we would just wait until she came to us wanting to sleep alone. Since Dec she has had a couple sleepover invites in which I would simply point out to her that she didn't sleep without with a parent in our own house! 

It was in March, and she just popped up one day and said she wanted her own room to sleep in. "Her" bedroom was painted and had toys in it but no bed, it had been moved into another room and that room was just an additional playroom. I drug a mattress in there and she slept on it for a couple nights and then really wanted the entire bed set up (bunk beds). I told her that we were more then happy to do that BUT if she decided not to sleep in that room once we moved beds around that we were not moving beds again. She would lose that room as just a big playroom. She agreed that was fair and that literally was the end of it. She has slept in there every single night with out a fuss. DH travels some and when he does there is no one else sleeping on the ground floor where DD1 is. I always let her know that she can come upstairs with me, but to my surprise she refuses to. 

Now I'd love to get 4.5y old DD2 in there with her before #4 arrives this summer but DD2 wants nothing to do with that idea. And I know better then to force the issue right now. 

[Vermillion]

My 9yo son is sleeping with me lately. I'm pregnant, and he wants to be close to me & the baby It's very comforting for me to be in between my hubby & son right now

As for the previous years, he slept with me until he was around 4, and has been in and out of my bed as he pleases since then.  I don't mind him there at all, as long as he trims his toenails! (ouch!)

[ssh]

When my DD was almost 3 we moved and she got her own room. My ILs gave her my SILs old twin size water bed (the hard sided kind with water panels). She got a couple of cool night lights, one that changes colors and makes a weblike pattern on the wall and ceiling. So we had an interesting comfortable place for her to sleep. Her bed was probably more comfortable than our family bed. She weaned herself a couple of months before turning 4 and then right after turning 4 DD decided she wanted to sleep in her own room. After several months of DD choosing to sleep alone we moved the twin that was next to our queen sized bed into the spare bedroom. Occasionally  she wants someone to lay with her for abit, most often when ill and for a few nights after she had her first scary dream at almost 5.5.

I was really expecting her to co-sleep until 5 or 6. We were just leaving it up to her.  I was also expecting her to occasionally want to come back to our bed. But she hasn't once. She does sometimes want to sleep in the dining room in her play tent.

[whozeyermamma]

My older DD (now almost 8) went back and forth from our bed to hers over the years - when I got pregnant, I wanted to transition her into her own bed b/c I didn't want her sleep disrupted by the baby, so I suggested a "family bed night" as a way to transition her out of my bed.  She would sleep in her own room for most of the week and then Friday she got to choose if she slept in our bed or hers. It actually worked great - it kind of gave her a reason to go to her own bed.  I knew she was ready - I think she almost needed a "rule" to push her in that direction.

Of course after the baby was born she decided she wanted one of us to stay with her in her room until she falls asleep (which ironically she never needed when she coslept - she would happily march up to our bed alone, read a few books and then fall asleep all by herself. And once she was asleep she was like a rock, nothing woke her up. )

Once the baby's not up every 2 hrs she'll probably end up back in the big bed with me and baby. I honestly don't mind. Now if only I can get her brother to sleep for more than 2 hrs at a stretch ...

I agree with teh pp - i love having my kids in my bed - it just makes me feel all safe and cozy ....

[amma_mama]

DD is 6.5yo and we are still co-sleeping part-time. DH is not a good sleeper so we co-sleep in DD's room (she has a queen-size bed). So for the past couple of years, I have been splitting most nights between two rooms/beds - cuddling with DD until she falls asleep, sleeping with DH for part of the night, then going to DD's room when she calls me. While I have enjoyed the co-sleeping, I am more than ready to sleep through the night! So I recently made a deal with DD that we would still co-sleep on the weekends, but during the week I would stay with Daddy unless she really, really needed me (sick, scared, etc.). We had tried this in the recent past, but she always complained that she would be too scared, but more recently she would just say that she wants to cuddle (in reality, there was little actual cuddling after falling asleep), which is definitely sweet but has a trade-off in terms of my hours of sleep. So I waited until she was more ready for the change, especially since she has been asking to do sleepovers. She has been doing great, and we both still enjoy the cuddling at bedtime and weekends. I am travelling for two weeks, so we'll see how it goes when it is just her and DH...

[SweetSilver]

Has anyone actually done nothing at all?  Still sleeping with the kids for the foreseeable future?

[canadiangranola]

We've done nothing. Still sleeping with us in our room sized bed are ds (8), dd (5) and dd (2 1/2) Babe number four will join us in November, and pile right in. I love it. They can leave if and when they want, but for now, we're all good.

And happy. 

And cozy.

[annjo]

Just stumbled on this thread.....We have been co sleeping from the beginning. Our daughters are now 6 and almost 4. Every once in a while, I remember that not everyone does this and that many people think it's totally weird! I mostly enjoy watching people try to wrap their minds around our co sleeping though I don't really discuss it much. Neither one is ready for her own room, and unfortunately with our house set up, they would probably be on another floor when they do have their own space. For now, we are all happy with the set up. I have in laws who co slept until their kids were maybe 10/11 years old, so we had an idea that it was going to be a significant amount of time. It's been largely a joy. We do discuss with them that not everyone sleeps with their parents because they will encounter questions about it.

[tooraloora]

My DD is 6 (nearly 7) and she co-sleeps with me and her 14 month old brother off and on. For awhile, we didn't have a bed big enough for the 3 of us, so she slept on her own out of necessity, but she's more comfortable sleeping with us, so now that it's possible again, we're back in the same bed. That's what she needs right now. It also seems to be her brother's preference. He freaks when he wakes up if she's missing. They're very close and get a lot of comfort out of each other's presence. We all sleep a lot better together for the most part, though I do wish she'd keep her feet out of my face.

[SweetSilver]

OP here.  So glad you found this post!  We are still cuddled up in bed, same as ever.  It is getting a bit squeezy and I hate scooching off the end of the bed to get up and pee, but I love curling up with their warm little legs piled on top of me (most of the time, anyway).  We are just emerging from some mystery virus and have been hit by another cold, so sleeping together makes it easy to comfort sick little girls.  Unfortunately, we've also been battling scabies (where those little f***ckers came from I have no idea) and it's really hard to isolate in a shared bed.  Impetigo, too.  Ringworm.  Phew!  We've had a rough road these last 4 months, one thing after another.  

[verde]

Still cosleep and DD is 6 y/o. She seems in no particular hurry to leave and DH and I are just fine with that. :)

[saralm]

I wasn't in the same bed but I slept in the same room with my parents and siblings until I was 13 even though I had my own room.  I tried to sleep in my room a time or 2 but was afraid.  I really appreciate my parents sacrificing their privacy for my comfort.