Hope this makes sense as I am trying to nurse a newborn and get my thoughts together to get some help.
DD will be three in June. Her baby brother is almost three weeks old. So far, the transition has gone fairly well. We are dealing with some sudden defiance and clashes of wills but, overall, I attribute that to her age as well as the new sibling and we will muddle through. She loves her brother. Constantly wants to know where he is and how she can help. She's always telling him she loves him even when she's having issues with me.
What I cannot seem to deal with and keep my cool about is that when her brother cries she goes crazy. Screaming, screeching, crying, and throwing herself on the floor kicking and flailing. DH and I have tried patiently explaining to her that that's how babies communicate. We've tried comforting. We've tried ignoring. I have been understanding about her expressing that she doesn't like it when he cries. I can deal with a little complaining or crying on her part as I try to reassure her and help her brother (who really only cries during diaper changes or when it's taking me to long to sit down and nurse him.) And I felt very sympathetic at first despite the fact that her screeching and his crying have been so painful on my ears and nerves that I am beginning to panic a little every time I have to change his diaper.
So I've been feeling terrible that DD suffers so badly when her brother cries and also going crazy due to her reaction. Then last week we went to the park with her friend and his baby brother. Well, her friend's brother threw a massive tantrum right next to DD and she didn't say a word or give any indication that it bothered her. Then we were playing when DS started crying the other day and I asked if she wanted me to go stop him from crying or help her with something first and she said help her with no reaction to his cries until I went to pick him up and nurse him. (Though generally our playing together doesn't stop her from being upset by even minor fussing from her brother.) So I am starting to doubt that the crying actually disturbs her as much as she is telling me and I am becoming impatient with the meltdowns. I can deal with her being a little upset, but the screeching needs to stop. Any pointers? Insights? Please help me find a way to diffuse her tantrums.