When my kids were small, things weren't completely equal. Their mom slung Osha quite a bit in the beginning. She could do things like bath time, potty time, first thing in the morning, get up with the baby, post-nursing and have that first awake time of the day alone with him. It was also nice for me, since I had been up a lot through the night. (of course by the time Ari came along we switched to a sort of man to man defense and she did all things toddler. Still at ages 8 and 5 he is in love with her and Ari prefers me. Ok, no, they both love us both. And Ari loves her mama, but they get on each other's ever lovin' nerves sometimes. Might have something to do with their star signs. (I tease Osha that I'm going to wait to have this baby because I really want another fire sign in the house.)
Originally Posted by painefaria I think that this was important as people would identify her as mom because she was wearing him. Of course depending on the day and post-pregnancy hormones that would be hard for me
Yeah, I let their mama sling sometimes when it was really hard to have them out of my arms. I never cared about the recognition, but the hormones saying, "hold on to that baby" are pretty intense. As hard as she had it, I never cared if someone recognized her and not me (I remember someone skeptically asked, "He's yours? Did you put lenses in his eyes to make them blue?")
About the first few days, I don't even remember the first month of my kids' lives (I wrote a lot of stuff down, so did their mama.). Sleep deprivation, trauma and hormones make the beginning pretty forgetable. Supporting the nursing relationship is truly a job in itself. The long term benefits are immeasurable, and while the first few days feels like forever there is so much more time in a child's life to get to know her. Some of my nicest memories were all of us just hanging out on the couch.
I seem to be rambling. Main points:
1. There is non-nursing bonding. It's not as glamerous as nursing, but it's important.
2. There is a huge amount of support work to be done.
3. Time flies. Try to just enjoy the moment.
4. The non-nursing mom can do lots of record keeping. Pictures, notes, baby book entries keep everything right at the front of her mind.
5. There is so much time to bond.
If we come up with any graceful way to handle it, I'll be the first to pass it on.