Letting it sink in... - Page 2

[naturechicplus1]

I am still having some trouble getting excited about this baby.  It seems like every person I tell is more excited than I am, not to mention most of the people on this board are so thrilled to be pregnant, even if they are feeling 10 times worse than I am.  We were trying for sure, and I felt so jealous when my SIL got pregnant recently (and has since had a mc).  Now though I just can't quite get my head around it and feel excited.  I am having mild m/s, only threw up once so far.  But I feel hungry and nauseous and tired all the time.

Has anyone found any good sources of support for those of us going through this phase?  It's so hard when I know so many have tried for so long to get pregnant, and are still trying.  I feel grateful, and I know I will eventually love this child just as much as my DS.  Some good friends are about to have a m/c (they have confirmation but are waiting for it to happen) and I just feel awful, like why them, they were so excited, it was their first child, it was due on x-mas, etc.  And here I am, just wondering when I'm going to be really happy about my baby.

I don't know if anyone is still on this thread or not, perhaps you're all already excited too!  If so, let me know how you did it!

[wombjuice]

I'm 10 weeks along with my first and still not as excited as I feel (or society feels?) I should be.  This pregnancy was a totally unplanned surprise.  Both my partner and I are finishing up with school (I have a year left, he has 2 years left) and were not planning on TTC our first til after we graduate and build our own house.  Now I just don't know what is in store for our future, and as someone who plans EVERYTHING, this is very difficult to deal with.

I am getting much happier about the thought of actually having a baby, though.  I love looking at pictures of our baby at each progressing week.  I even bought a little tie-dye onesie while visiting The Farm in Tennessee.

But...I'm super stressed, always nauseous and exhausted, and really worried about bringing a little life into the world before we were "ready"...I guess nobody is ever really ready for this, though.  Learning a lot already.

Many blessings to you ladies struggling with similar situations.  May you find peace and acceptance very soon.  

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Originally Posted by wombjuice 

I'm 10 weeks along with my first and still not as excited as I feel (or society feels?) I should be.  This pregnancy was a totally unplanned surprise.  Both my partner and I are finishing up with school (I have a year left, he has 2 years left) and were not planning on TTC our first til after we graduate and build our own house.  Now I just don't know what is in store for our future, and as someone who plans EVERYTHING, this is very difficult to deal with.

This is me, too.  I'm excited, but my excitement is often overshadowed by the reality of our situation.  We have a half renovated house, a rather sad savings account after some major car repairs and other unplanned expenses, and I'm looking at being off work for around a year (and possibly permanently).  It's scary, and we were even planning this (though not the twins part!).  I'm very fortunate in that I have great family and friends that will help us out if necessary by cooking, cleaning, and moral support.  It's just rough not knowing quite what to expect, ya know?  

I do find myself excited to meet these little people that are growing inside me.  I was never a "baby person", but I LOVED everything about having a baby around with DS, and I'm looking forward to watching my little ones grow.  I wonder whether I'll have boys, girls, or one of each.  I wonder that their personalities will be like, and how it will change our family.  I look forward to watching DH snuggle in bed with babies at naptime (DS used to do this, but now can't sleep if we are in the same room).  I miss breastfeeding and knowing that my body provides all the nourishment these little people need.

I'd better stop, I'm getting teary....  Yay, hormones!  

But I guess my point is that there are things to look forward to, even if you can't quite get excited.  

[Devaskyla]

I'm still not really believing I'm pregnant, even though I had a positive test & I'm getting some symptoms. I guess it's partly because the symptoms are different from my other pregnancies but mostly because this was completely unplanned. Dh does not want a 4th kid, but he knows I really did. I just didn't want it to be like this. I wanted him to come around to wanting another one (unlikely, but I was hoping) and for it to be planned like our other kids. About the only thing right about it is the timing, since before dh got so sick, I figured that around when ds3 was 2 would be a good time. Except I'm feeling guilty about that now, too. I feel like I'm stealing his babyhood. My other kids are 3y 11mth & 3y 8mths apart. I'm not quite sure what to do with kids "so close". I know lots other people have kids a lot closer, but I never have and it's just...weird.

[AfricanQueen99]

Thank you for saying this, Devasklya.  I *really* wanted another while my partner was done.  In fact, he was supposed to go in for his vasectomy consult the same week we found out we were pregnant.  Because we use NFP I had the guilt of "letting him down" even though I fairly told him I was fertile.  That's an odd feeling to have to be in different places regarding family size and then working out for one partner and not the other, no?

Also, we have almost a four year gap between our other kids so I feel like my son will be screwed that the newbie is showing up essentially on his second birthday.  My poor boy isn't ever going to remember being the baby.
 

Originally Posted by Devaskyla 

Dh does not want a 4th kid, but he knows I really did. I just didn't want it to be like this. I wanted him to come around to wanting another one (unlikely, but I was hoping) and for it to be planned like our other kids.

...

Except I'm feeling guilty about that now, too. I feel like I'm stealing his babyhood.

[Mommyofalmost6]

I have come to the idea that regardless of planed or not there is still some shock in seeing a positive pregnancy test. We had talked about having another one but werent sure when then bam positive pregnancy test! Our youngest is 2 and she is my baby. She is such a mamas girl and still so much a baby to me that I am having some issues with the idea of another one after her.

And then lets be real, how can we all be excited 24/7 when we feel like a mess? I know between the tired nausea feeling and the wanting to crawl in to a hole and be left alone, its hard to really try and be excited.

[Devaskyla]

It's kind of nice not to be the only one, but it sucks we're both in this situation. How is your dh adjusting?

It's very odd. I really had mostly resigned myself to being done.

Originally Posted by AfricanQueen99 

Thank you for saying this, Devasklya.  I *really* wanted another while my partner was done.  In fact, he was supposed to go in for his vasectomy consult the same week we found out we were pregnant.  Because we use NFP I had the guilt of "letting him down" even though I fairly told him I was fertile.  That's an odd feeling to have to be in different places regarding family size and then working out for one partner and not the other, no?

Also, we have almost a four year gap between our other kids so I feel like my son will be screwed that the newbie is showing up essentially on his second birthday.  My poor boy isn't ever going to remember being the baby.
 

[AfricanQueen99]

^^^ He is for it now, but (besides the emotional aspects) wouldn't be heartbroken if I miscarried. I resigned myself to being done, too...it was just easier than getting my hopes up for another, yk?

Such an odd juxtaposition...

[whalemama17]

Sorry if this is a little tangential but I love that this thread is speaking truth to a hidden part of motherhood-that despite the unconditional deep love for our children motherhood can have ambivalence at different points. It's so taboo to talk about but I feel like it is a good reminder that we are all whole people and that with the joy of children is tons of responsibility too and can feel like a lot. We are expecting 2nd baby and it was totally unplanned. I had a lot of ambivalent feelings at first like "I don't need another baby-I am so happy with the one I have!" and questioning how I can possibly love this baby as much as my daughter (I know I can but it was just a strong feeling-wonder if it is common at first)

[AfricanQueen99]

I had this very strong emotion while pregnant with my son.  HOW could I *ever* love another kid as much as my daughter?!  Friends told me that you just do when they show up.  And, you know what, I did.  I think my son is freaking amazing and I simply can't remember ever not loving him.  But, another thing, is that nobody talks about the commonality of not feeling that instant spark once they emerge from your womb.
 

Originally Posted by whalemama17 

and questioning how I can possibly love this baby as much as my daughter (I know I can but it was just a strong feeling-wonder if it is common at first)

Thanks for your honesty, mamas.  There are just so many emotions with adding children to the family...
 

[Conchobhar]

Originally Posted by AfricanQueen99 

I had this very strong emotion while pregnant with my son.  HOW could I *ever* love another kid as much as my daughter?!  Friends told me that you just do when they show up.  And, you know what, I did.  I think my son is freaking amazing and I simply can't remember ever not loving him.  But, another thing, is that nobody talks about the commonality of not feeling that instant spark once they emerge from your womb.
 

Thanks for your honesty, mamas.  There are just so many emotions with adding children to the family...
 

I'm so glad this is being brought up, because I was thinking the same thing since we found out.  I figured I was the only one who couldn't fathom loving another as much as I love my first.  Wow, I'm so glad I'm not alone.

[naturechicplus1]

It's been great to see that others are feeling a little out of sorts with the whole thing too!  Every person I tell is so thrilled for us, and I am very happy too, but I just don't feel as happy as it seems I "should" feel according to how crazy happy some people are, especially when they're not even pregnant!  I am doing better though the past week.  My son is talking a lot more about baby things, and it's pretty cute, so I'm getting more excited for him.  10 weeks has arrived and I'm feeling much better about that, I felt like 8-9 weeks was a long week!

Hang in there ladies!

[joyfulgrrrl]

Originally Posted by whalemama17 

Sorry if this is a little tangential but I love that this thread is speaking truth to a hidden part of motherhood-that despite the unconditional deep love for our children motherhood can have ambivalence at different points. It's so taboo to talk about but I feel like it is a good reminder that we are all whole people and that with the joy of children is tons of responsibility too and can feel like a lot. We are expecting 2nd baby and it was totally unplanned. I had a lot of ambivalent feelings at first like "I don't need another baby-I am so happy with the one I have!" and questioning how I can possibly love this baby as much as my daughter (I know I can but it was just a strong feeling-wonder if it is common at first)

I just love how you articulated this.

As conscious mothers who take our role seriously, how could we not struggle from time to time with the enormity of our decision to create life? This made me feel much better, thank you <3

[Ruthiegirl]

I am with you guys.  We were done.  We have three kids, our lives were moving forward, I am back in school to change careers, we want to move....there is so much that I want to be doing right now.   This pregnancy was unexpected and I am still reeling from it a bit.  I get so sick, so incredibly sick.  It is hard to feel anything beyond the nausea and illness.  I know it will change, I know I will connect and be happy.  I KNOW that I don't connect to the baby until delivery and then it is mad, deep passionate love.  

I just have to be patient and wait it out.  The illness is almost done.  And then I will have a few glorious months to feel well, before the gigantic months at the end.  Knowing what is coming is part of the problem for me.  Nothing is unexpected.  I don't take the same delight in all the little milestones.  I feel like I am simply ticking away the weeks and I want them to move faster.  

After 10 years of babies and breastfeeding and diapers, I was just getting back to feeling like myself.  I was running again...I had upped my mileage and was so happy to run free.  I miss that.  I know I can have it again, but I am impatient.  

Man, that feels good to admit.  Pregnancy is supposed to be such a time of delight and wonder and I have had a hard time lately.  I just need to let go.  Life has always led me down wonderful paths and I know this is another beautiful way to go.   I do feel the need to grieve just a bit though.  

Thank you to all the posters for being brave.  It is good for me to read your honest words.  

[coldandsleepy]

I'm really, really ambivalent about this pregnancy so far.  We were not not trying, so we knew it was a possibility.  I was on the fence about whether or not I wanted another child, but felt probably 85% certain I did want one eventually, 15% leaning towards not.  Now I feel like those percentages are reversed and I can't imagine why I ever felt the other way.  Oy.

A big part of this is that I've had a bunch of recent changes for the better in my life-- I just got a new job, we just moved to a new house and have been doing a really good job of keeping it clean and tidy, I really, really love the age my son is at and the person he is right now.  And I feel like the baby's going to take all of this away from me... I'm not going to be able to keep my job because I don't make enough to pay for childcare for TWO children, my house is going to become a pit in the months postpartum when I can barely take care of the baby and myself, and my relationship with my son will somehow change.

I wonder if this is why we have 40 weeks of pregnancy... so that we have time to get used to the idea and sort out all the complications before we actually have the baby.

[diana_of_the_dunes]

Originally Posted by coldandsleepy 

I wonder if this is why we have 40 weeks of pregnancy... so that we have time to get used to the idea and sort out all the complications before we actually have the baby.

I think so!  I'm still not quite at the point where I've come to grips with the fact that I'm going to have two newborns to care for, but the idea that I'm going to be staying home for a while... it's starting to sound very nice.  I hate that I'm always rushing to get somewhere, since I have to run any errands before I go into work at 2 pm.  It would/will be nice to just be able to go with the flow a bit more.  I also keep remembering how miserable I was when I first went back to work, and how much pumping killed my supply.  I'm really hoping that I can breastfeed the twins for longer than the 9 months I got with DS.  In some ways I keep wondering if having twins is a way of forcing me to do what I want to do instead of what "makes sense" (except that with twins, staying home makes more sense!).

I'm getting there.  I may not be quite excited yet, but I'm starting to see the benefits, and they seem to be outweighing the losses.

[Devaskyla]

It's funny because I really, really wanted a 4th. I was so jealous of every woman I saw who was pregnant or had a new baby. And now that I am pregnant, I just feel so, so done. I've had enough of toddlers & diapers and nursing and everything. I'm hoping it's just because I am actually pregnant and that I finally have that 'done' feeling lots of other women seem to get. It probably doesn't help that I was really lucky with how relatively easy my other pregnancies were and this one seems so much harder. I don't know if it's my age or what.

I just really, really hope this baby is a girl. And I'm hoping even harder that it's only 1 baby. I am not cut out for 5 kids.

[Ruthiegirl]

Originally Posted by Devaskyla 

I just really, really hope this baby is a girl. And I'm hoping even harder that it's only 1 baby. I am not cut out for 5 kids.

Oh me too.  I have not yet been the OB/midwife and I am really sweating twins.  I know 2 women who had unexpected pregnancies and had twins.  5 kids!  

[hippiemommaof4]

I know its hard , congrats to you though. I think the last reply you had was the way to look at it in a positive way. I'm always happy for people when they are pregnant but people aren't ever happy for me lol! I'm not sure why because IMO I think I am a really good parent. I love all of my kids and I am extremely dedicated to them, you will be too. I always worried about twins too but you'll be ok. I have a couple friends with more kids than me and they've had twins one had them twice