Supervised visitation and moving out of state?

[kblackstone444]

I have a three month old son and a 15 year old son.  I currently have a restraining order for the three of us against the baby's father.  The baby's father was abusive in every way possible to me, emotionally abusive to my older son (my son has Asperger's- he told my son he was flawed because he has Asperger's- that was the worst one) and he refused to let me feed the 100% breastfed baby during "his" time because he decided the baby wasn't hungry, the baby was (even though the baby was then 2 months old and hadn't eaten in almost four hours).  And then walked with the baby for 2 1/2 hours telling me what a wonderful dad he was for being so patient rocking the cranky baby to sleep.  The guy is a true sociopath- these are just the straw that broke the camel's back, I could go on and on and on.

Anyways... I'm ordered to get Paternity Testing before our next court date, which is June 15.  The next court date will also include visitation (he wants lots of it, I'm asking for supervised visitation) and custody (I'm asking for sole physical and legal, he wants joint legal, switching to joint physical as soon as the baby's weaned, asking the judge to have me wean the baby by the time he turns one) and Child Support.  The judge is notorious for being all for Father's Rights.

I'm also in severe financial trouble.  Due to red tape with the Childcare Council, I can't get a childcare subsidy, so I have not been able to go back to work.  My rent is now 3 months overdue, I've got my electric/gas about to be shut off, and I am literally down to my last dollar- I can't afford transportation to my older son's psychiatrist, so I can't renew his prescription and within two weeks, I will be out of quarters for the laundry and no longer able to do laundry.  I will be going into a family shelter soon.  My older son is emotionally fragile- he had a mental breakdown last month, so he, me and my family has decided that it would be in his best interest to go back to MA to live with my sister while me and the baby go to a shelter.

All my family is in Massachusetts- I have no family and few friends left in NY.  I have no car, so when I get to visit my family, somebody's got to take the three hour drive to get me and then bring me back.  Several of my family members are unable to travel.  I cannot afford a phone, so by the end of this month, I will only have a government phone, with only enough minutes each month for more than a cursory "I'm still alive" phone call to each family member each month- the rest of the minutes I need to save for lawyers, doctors, etc.  I will have no internet.  In other words, I will shortly be without income, without any contact with any of my family, in a shelter, with my only "outside contact" being the baby's abusive father.

My sister also lives in MA with her Husband and four kids.  They live in a big house and she's a stay-at-home Mom.  She's offered to give me and the baby the spare bedroom and to let my older son have the newly refurnished basement.  She would be able to add us to her Food Stamps, we'd get Medicaid, and when I went back to work, she could watch the baby.  But I need to get away from NY first.

What are the odds of me being able to sway the judge to let me move back with family to avoid living in a homeless shelter?  Neither me not the baby's father have a license or a car, so visitation would be an issue, especially supervised visitation.  It would be an extreme hardship, nearly impossible, for my family to drive back and forth providing transportation, so that's have to be part of the deal- I can't be driving back and forth all the time.  How can I sway the judge with this?

[Avani]

To be honest, it would be extremely difficult. Especially if you are requesting sole/supervised custody. Do you have police reports and proof of the abuse and neglect? Isn't the father wealthy with a wealthy family? I would submit proof of eviction/behind on rent proof/utility notice shutoffs/letter from the state that you aren't eligble for daycare cost help/ etc. Then get a letter from your sister about you and the baby getting your own room, the son getting the basement, and the sister providing daycare. Look up the cost of transportation back/forth between Mass and NY and calculate it. Being the moving party will make you responsible for his incurred travel costs. ANd what about child support? Is the father paying any? That will be a factor also. My ex has to travel 1200 miles for supervised visits and pay all the costs. But that is because I fled to a shelter for DV, had police reports and witnesses, he actually neglected the kids in his care and the kids spoke out about it, and he has never paid court ordered child support in 4 years. You need things like that on your side.

[PoppyMama]

I was so hoping you'd move back to ma while you were pg but I know making big changes when you were having such a rough time is extremely hard to do. Would your stbxh let you crash at his place one weekend a month so you could show thatvyoull facilitate a relationship but he wont invade your turf.