Should I time TTC around a wedding? (Hint: I don't want to)

[mamabutterfly]

Yeah, so I do actually want some opinions on this situation, although I'm not sure I'm objective or neutral about it.

Background: We have 2 girls, decided six months ago to start trying for #3. Got pg in February, had a m/c in March. :(

Now it feels really hard not to be pg, I've have 2 cycles since then, want to be open to whatever happens. I'll be 37 this summer, not getting any younger, lol. And my older girls and getting so old, I don't want them much farther apart than this ideally.

Meanwhile, dh has two younger siblings. One is single, the brother is in his mid-20's and got engaged last year and set a date for May 2012. It's a whole production, and my STB S-I-L is planning a full out Disney princess wedding (her words) at Disney World.

Oookay. Our fam has never been there, DH does actually feel excited to take the girls, and next spring they would be 4 and 10. When I was pregnant in Feb, that babe would have been 7 months old. I though that was pretty decent - total nursing and Ergo age still, but me and baby probably fairly hardy for travel. Not the easiest, but what the heck, we could try it. Obviously, that didn't work out.

Sooo, got AF yesterday (Happy Mother's Day) and so now if we try this cycle we're talking about a babe next Feb - 3 months old for this Disney wedding extravaganza (DD1 is a jr. bridesmaid, gag).

And then if this month doesn't work, obviously we're talking about a much smaller baby with each passing month, or a May EDD even....  

I mentioned all this to DH last night who said, "Yeah, no we shouldn't take a little baby on our only family Disney trip probably ever. Let's wait until late fall to try again."

   So here I am, trying to solicit objective opinions about this. Thoughts?

[APToddlerMama]

I'm sorry for your loss :(.  I can really understand why you'd want to start trying again now. 

So, is your DH more concerned then about not having a baby on vacation or not having a baby at the wedding?  Personally I would not let either one mess up my TTC plans.   You would lose quite a few months of trying, not to mention there are restrictions on when you can fly pregnant so that could mess things up even more.  You could end up having some sort of high risk issues and have your doctor/midwife not let you fly the whole pregnancy (happened to me).  So then you end up waiting a full year to try?  I don't know. Personally if I wanted another baby, I would delay booking the trip and I would wait to see what happened in my TTC journey.  If I got pregnant and couldn't go to the wedding, oh well.  Sounds like SIL is a real bridezilla anyhow.  Would you be sad for your family trip to be a different time and maybe your husband could just go to the wedding for a night or two himself if you ended up having a newborn?  If it were me, I would let nature take its course and deal with the other issues after I got pregnant.  Maybe you'll get pregnant right away and feel confident having a small baby on your trip.  Who knows.  Good luck!

[toothfairy2be]

I'd have to agree with the PP, Sometimes you just never know when baby will decide to come & it is best to let nature take its course. This sounds like one of those times to me. We TTA for 3 mos because of vacation but still weren't 100% cautious, still no BFP 2 months later... So you just never know. You need to do what is best for you and your family, maybe just not preventing instead of really trying will make you feel better if a BFP does happen. Good luck & so sorry about your loss.

[Jaimee]

I had an early miscarriage prior to conceiving my second and I remember well the feeling of wanting to be pregnant again right away.  I totally understand that.  I also get the concerns about having a little one on vacation and at a wedding- it will definitely change the experience.  We decided to just see what happened, not really trying, not avoiding.  Then we found out that my SIL was ttc so we decided to avoid for a bit so that we didn't accidentally get pregnant at the exact same time as her.  What happened?  We got pregnant at the EXACT same time with 5 day old sperm.  So it goes to show that babies show up when they show up! 

Sorry for your loss, mama.

[erigeron]

I wouldn't wait. If your soon-to-be SIL is a decent human being, she'll understand if a May EDD means you end up not being able to go. If she's not, then I wouldn't worry too much about upsetting her. If it's otherwise the right time for you and your husband it seems silly to postpone trying based on a one-time event, even if it is an important event.

[lilacvioletiris]

I would suggest having a conversation with DH about the possibility the he and the daughters would be the only ones attending the "PRINCESS" wedding at disney if you have a baby expected then or your doctor tells you not to fly late in pregnancy or at all during pregnancy.  Waiting to TTC when you never really know when it is going to happen can make it tough.  I am teacher trying to conceive so that my baby is born within 6 to 12 weeks of the end of the school year.  Not sure if it will happen but "timing" conception a la naturel isn't full proof to get one date or another!

[BubbleMa]

My advice would be not to wait.  You can't plan your life around other people.  There will always be something to wait for, kwim?  And traveling with a small baby isn't that bad.  DD went on her first plane trip when she was 4 weeks old.  Then several more trips after that.  By the time she was two she had been on 4 plane trips and several car trips.  She has been a wonderful traveler ever since then.  :) 

Anyway, if you end up being due around the wedding date, or if you're just not comfortable taking a tiny baby on a trip like that you can always stay home and let DH and the girls go.  It doesn't sound like you're that excited to go anyway.

[mamabutterfly]

Thanks, mamas! I"m sure I came to the TTC forum hoping to hear exactly that.  I will certainly talk it through more with DH to try to get on the same page about it, but  I certainly don't think I would avoid ttc this month, which would put me 3.5 months before the blessed event [if you are interested in how many days away this wedding is, I can tell you; she counts it down on Facebook.]

I wouldn't say I am exactly not interested in going to the wedding.... I do care about my b-i-l and want to be close to both of them. And I would want to be a part of the event for the sake of my whole extended family. It would be hard for my in-laws if I didn't go, we have a small family. But you're right, DH could just take the girls if it comes to that. He could go really just for the wedding and our family "Disney" trip could be another time.

I don't mind traveling with a baby - of course it would change the trip a lot. But I guess I'll mostly have to decide it we aren't pg by July whether to hold off to not be due the exact same month. The thing that did occur to me is that even if I stayed home - I don't want DH or even MIL (she lives with us) to have to miss the birth for this wedding. So that's a reason to avoid in August I guess, but hopefully it might be a moot point by then.