Ending a Pregnancy :(

[Guestmama0624]

I normally post here, but I feel better doing this under a different name.   Sorry about that.

I really don't have anyone other than my DH to talk to about this...

I have two children and a Military Wife living in Germany.   My DD is a preteen and my DS was born here in Germany and is 19 months old.   My DH recently finished a deployment and is back with us.   However, he is deploying again.

I just found out I am pregnant (5 weeks now) and the baby would be due right before he deploys.  We know we want another baby, but being so far away from family was kind of tough this past deployment especially with a baby.    My husband had a really hard time as well because he missed our DS's first year.   Thinking of that happening all over again just makes me miserable and seems like it would be really unfair to both kids now.   I really held things together well this last deployment, but not without being exhausted and at the end a lot more snappy with the kids than I should have been.   Basically, I just can't imagine doing it again and adding another baby to the mix.   We have talked it over and I really think that the best thing for our family is to end the pregnancy.   It makes me really sad.   

So, here I am, about to have an abortion in a country where I don't speak the language, where there is a 3 day wait period after counseling which was so awkward because, like I said, I don't speak German.  The doctor I am going to see was very nice on the phone and I am going to meet her today so she can run tests.  I will go in for the abortion later this week.   We don't have a sitter that we can use in this situation, so it means my husband will need to go with me, but bring my DS to the park while the procedure is being done.    I can't do a medical abortion because I am still nursing my DS, so, that option is out.   Plus, I am already going to enough appointments and would like to just get everything over with.

This is our second tour in Germany and I love it here, but this is the one time I wish I was in the States and could use Planned Parenthood.   It would be a lot simpler.

I am incredibly sad about this.  If my DH wasn't deploying I would not be having an abortion.      My DH is incredibly supportive.  He listens to me talk about it, but I don't think he really knows what to say to me.  I don't even know what he really could say to make it better.    

I am worried about a few things.   How will a surgical abortion affect breastfeeding my DS? He seems to be nursing well now, I have only felt slight nipple pain and my supply seems to be keeping up well.   Are there "herbal" treatments to induce a miscarriage?  Would any of these even be safe with my DS still nursing?

[Lizbiz]

Dear Mama, 

Hugs to you during such a difficult time.  Is there ANY way you could move home (back to the States) to receive more support while your husband is deployed and that way you could just have this baby?  Isn't there some way to make it work?  You are already pregnant...

As for your nursing - I imagine you'll be fine either way.  Each mom is different - but milk supply usually lasts a while into pregnancy.  Mine lasted to 5 months with my second pregnancy and then dried up - my DS was about the same age when I got pregnant with my second.  I'm sure if you have the abortion, you'll need rest and fluids and support, just as in any surgery, but you should be able to keep nursing as long as you're not taking meds after the anesthetic wears off.  You may have to pump and dump once or so and plan for a bottle or a sippy for that feeding.

You are in my thoughts during such a difficult time.  I can hear the grief in your writing and just want to encourage you to listen to your sadness in this instance.  I understand the desperation of not wanting to be alone with all 3 and have your husband miss your 3rd baby's first year.  But, would it not be better for your husband to miss only this baby's first year, rather than choose not to have the baby at all and miss his/her entire life?  

I'm so sorry for all that you are going through and wish you peace and strength during this difficult time. 

~Liz

[Bellabaz]

Hugs to you. I know its really hard being away from your support system and not knowing the language etc. Did it myself. Our second borns are about the same age. Its tough, I ended up quite depressed and snappy. And I had my dh here. Really big hugs to you.

I don't know about the effects of surgical abortion and breastfeeding. I do have some info on herbal induced abortions. I have Susun Weed's herbal for the childbearing year. She says these have been reported effective when af is up to 4 weeks late, so I don't know about your case. She also cautions that you should consult someone with herbal knowledge, which  I totally agree with, and I think in Germany it may not be so difficult. I could be wrong, but see if you can find out if any local pharmacies specialze in herbs and speak english. We have them nearby in Switzerland. Susun Weed has a forum too with alot of herbal info, you can google it. Something like wisewomen.com.

Anyway hear is the info: (I am quoting and paraphrasing from the book)

-Cotton root bark (gossypium) reported to be the safest and most certain abortificient. Very hard to obtain. Sip an infusion through out the day. Specific dosage info not given.

-Blue Cohosh (caulophyllum thalictroides) usually combined with Pennyroyal in this usage. Toxic in excess, especially to the liver and kidneys. Do not use if you have low blood pressure. Common side effect is vomitting to the point of not being able to finish infusion for aborting.

There are others but they are for earlier on than you say you are.

I send you peaceful vibes and strength during this difficult time. PM me if you need to vent or want mroe info.

[Rani]

You are a brave and thoughtful person that is doing what is best in a very hard situation.  All my thoughts and prayers are with you as you go through this process. I know what you mean about PP though. they are there to help for all kinds of family planning as well as basic women's health.

Im sure you will be fine and they will take care of you.  Sounds like you have a good doctor that is trying to help you as much as she can. 

[parsley]

Dear Guestmama,

I'm glad you decided to post about what you are going through.  It's often hard to admit among mother-community's that sometimes the best thing we can do for our family is decide NOT to have another child.  I had a similar situation a few years ago and have to admit that while I am completely pro-choice I have felt embarresed to admit my choice to some friends and family as I felt they wouldn't understand.  I'm nervous even posting here as I just joined and don't want to feel alienated from a community that I want to be a part of.  But I'm replying to you in case my story will help...

My DD is a very demanding child.  She *literally* couldn't sleep without my nipple in her mouth for the first 6 months of her life, woke up every 45 min all night every night for almost 2 years, has always been highly demanding of my time and attention.  I have a high pressure job that I worked really hard for.  When she was around 1 1/2, I got pregnant accidentally and our reaction was horror.  We did not feel like we could have another child... I felt like it would be heartbreaking for my DD to have to grow up too soon, it would ruin my career, I was already depressed due to some unexpected and shocking deaths in my family and I thought I might have a nervous breakdown from the stress. 

We scheduled an abortion for 6 1/2 weeks.  I don't regret if for an instant.  It was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life;  I recognized my own limits, the type of mother and person I want to be and made the decision that was truly best for my family.  In that case, having an abortion was about being a good mother to the daughter I wanted and deciding that I could not bring a child I didn't want into the world, even if I knew I would come to love him/her in the long run. 

A few comments about the actual experience.  I don't know the laws or logistics in Germany.  But, in the U.S., the experience was not at all traumatic.  I used a private dr recommended to my by Planned Parenthood bc of my health insurance.   The procedure lasted 20 minutes or so from start to finish.  I declined both anesthesia and antibiotics as I was worried about breastfeeding and I it was painful but bearable. 

*There was no effect on being able to breastfeed at all.* 

I was also told my that dr. (a pioneer in medical abortion) that it would have actually been fine to have a medical abortion and that the meds wouldn't have passed through my milk.  His research had found no greater risk than many everyday toxicity's-- alcohol, artificial sweeteners, etc... 

I would say, that you need to make sure that the decision you make is one that you feel is right for you.  But, for what it's worth, I haven't regretted my abortion for a minute and I know it was the right decision for me and my family.  We're now TTC #2 and are elated-- we're looking forward to bringing another child into the world into a family that's ready for it and with parents who can properly care for him/her. 

Very best wishes to you.

[Adaline'sMama]

I know its a hard decision to make, and I commend you for having the courage to come to a place where its not easy to admit that you are choosing not to continue a pregnancy. Ive been there and done it, please feel free to pm me if you have any questions or if you need to talk about it. Hugs mama This too shall pass.


Herbal treatments to bring on a miscarriage are called emmenagogues. Here is a reliable site, but you must be very careful. My suggestion is to go ahead with the medical procedure, since if you try these herbs, it is going to extend the amount of time that you are pg, and having the abortion will be a lot harder emotionally. That is how it was for me, but I tried herbs until about 9 weeks, then made the appointment, and I was 10.5 when I had the abortion. 5 weeks would have been so much easier.

[triana1326]

I commend you for posting this, as it can be hard to talk about abortions and choice even to the best of friends. I am offering you hugs and support during this difficult time. We were faced with this same decision when I got pregnant with DS. We were only planning on having one child and I was suffering from postpartum depression, so having a second child wasn't even on our radar. When I got a BFP pee stick, we were shocked and scared. No, I was more than scared, I was terrified. DH and I talked about all our options and I came very close to calling our Family Planning (the Maine version of PP) for an appt to end the pregnancy. Although we decided to continue with the pregnancy, I understand the feelings you may be going through (at least a little bit). I was a pro-choice clinic escort for many years and have helped two friends through their decision to terminate their unplanned pregnancies.

 If you want someone to talk to or vent/cry/etc. to, please PM me any time. You will get no judgement from me, only support and kind words. This is a difficult decision for you and your DH, but ultimately whatever you do will be the best one for your family. Hugs, mama. We are here for you...  

[milkcake]

All too recently I was in an almost identical situation - my DH was getting ready to deploy for a long time, and where we were stationed at the time I was completely alone. The major difference for me was that it would be my first child - it was my very first pregnancy. As happy as I was to get my BFP it took only a few days for the reality of it to sink in; I would be alone in a foreign land with my first child and no one to call on for advice or help. I already have depression/anxiety problems, in addition to PTSD, Panic Disorder, and agoraphobia. DH and I decided that for both the child and myself, the best thing was not to go through with it.

In the end, my DH changed his mind - after supporting me initially he (after talking to his mother and sisters about the situation) decided he hated me for what happened, and blames me for his pain of the loss.

We are now separated and divorcing.

I know how hard it is to talk about it, but if you know it's the right choice don't let anyone else make you doubt your decision. As for the herbal methods, I've heard they can be very dangerous. I did the medical since I was at 7.5wks, but surgical shouldn't detriment your milk. They will most likely want to give you antibiotics though, which is your choice on taking or not.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you sound very brave. Sending peace and strength your way

[Guestmama0624]

Thanks Mamas for all your thoughts.    I did go to my doctor yesterday and had a vaginal ultrasound.   She could not see anything, but thought it may just be too early to see anything.   She did blood work and I will find out more later today.   I took another test because I started wondering if maybe I was wrong, but nope, pink line showed up darker than I have ever seen a line show up before...and quick.    

She did talk with me about a medical abortion vs. a surgical one and assured me that it would be okay to take while nursing...so that is something I need to research a little more. My husband and I talked about it a lot again last night and while we both agree that it sucks, t is just the right thing to do.   My DS is very high needs and I feel like it would be incredibly unfair to him since my DH will also be deploying.   
 

Originally Posted by Lizbiz 

Dear Mama, 

Hugs to you during such a difficult time.  Is there ANY way you could move home (back to the States) to receive more support while your husband is deployed and that way you could just have this baby?  Isn't there some way to make it work?  You are already pregnant...

As for your nursing - I imagine you'll be fine either way.  Each mom is different - but milk supply usually lasts a while into pregnancy.  Mine lasted to 5 months with my second pregnancy and then dried up - my DS was about the same age when I got pregnant with my second.  I'm sure if you have the abortion, you'll need rest and fluids and support, just as in any surgery, but you should be able to keep nursing as long as you're not taking meds after the anesthetic wears off.  You may have to pump and dump once or so and plan for a bottle or a sippy for that feeding.

You are in my thoughts during such a difficult time.  I can hear the grief in your writing and just want to encourage you to listen to your sadness in this instance.  I understand the desperation of not wanting to be alone with all 3 and have your husband miss your 3rd baby's first year.  But, would it not be better for your husband to miss only this baby's first year, rather than choose not to have the baby at all and miss his/her entire life?  

I'm so sorry for all that you are going through and wish you peace and strength during this difficult time. 

~Liz

Going home is possible, but all in all it means that over a three year period, we will have spent over 2.5 years apart from my husband.   My DD is in school, she has been forced to move around enough as it is and it seems cruel to add extra moves into the mix.   My DH really wants to be around the first year.  Being away from my DS for the first year this time around was hard enough for him.  For us, while we would like to continue with the pregnancy, we simply feel like the cards are "stacked against us" and ending the pregnancy is REALLY the best thing for our family.   Plus, if I moved near family, I think that would be more stressful for me than being alone in Germany.   My in-laws are great people, but have VERY different parenting ideas.   Breastfeeding, Natural childbirth, co-sleeping, babywearing...it is all something my MIL/SIL are very against and she WILL try to "push" their agenda on me.   In some ways, being away from family WAS good.   I just can't imagine myself being able to juggle it all in a HEALTHY way this time.

Originally Posted by parsley 

Dear Guestmama,

I'm glad you decided to post about what you are going through.  It's often hard to admit among mother-community's that sometimes the best thing we can do for our family is decide NOT to have another child.  I had a similar situation a few years ago and have to admit that while I am completely pro-choice I have felt embarresed to admit my choice to some friends and family as I felt they wouldn't understand.  I'm nervous even posting here as I just joined and don't want to feel alienated from a community that I want to be a part of.  But I'm replying to you in case my story will help...

My DD is a very demanding child.  She *literally* couldn't sleep without my nipple in her mouth for the first 6 months of her life, woke up every 45 min all night every night for almost 2 years, has always been highly demanding of my time and attention.  I have a high pressure job that I worked really hard for.  When she was around 1 1/2, I got pregnant accidentally and our reaction was horror.  We did not feel like we could have another child... I felt like it would be heartbreaking for my DD to have to grow up too soon, it would ruin my career, I was already depressed due to some unexpected and shocking deaths in my family and I thought I might have a nervous breakdown from the stress. 

We scheduled an abortion for 6 1/2 weeks.  I don't regret if for an instant.  It was one of the best decisions I've ever made in my life;  I recognized my own limits, the type of mother and person I want to be and made the decision that was truly best for my family.  In that case, having an abortion was about being a good mother to the daughter I wanted and deciding that I could not bring a child I didn't want into the world, even if I knew I would come to love him/her in the long run. 

A few comments about the actual experience.  I don't know the laws or logistics in Germany.  But, in the U.S., the experience was not at all traumatic.  I used a private dr recommended to my by Planned Parenthood bc of my health insurance.   The procedure lasted 20 minutes or so from start to finish.  I declined both anesthesia and antibiotics as I was worried about breastfeeding and I it was painful but bearable. 

*There was no effect on being able to breastfeed at all.* 

I was also told my that dr. (a pioneer in medical abortion) that it would have actually been fine to have a medical abortion and that the meds wouldn't have passed through my milk.  His research had found no greater risk than many everyday toxicity's-- alcohol, artificial sweeteners, etc... 

I would say, that you need to make sure that the decision you make is one that you feel is right for you.  But, for what it's worth, I haven't regretted my abortion for a minute and I know it was the right decision for me and my family.  We're now TTC #2 and are elated-- we're looking forward to bringing another child into the world into a family that's ready for it and with parents who can properly care for him/her. 

Very best wishes to you.

This response made me feel a million times better because I can really relate.  My DS is SO needy.   My husband and I  feel like it would be "devastating" for him to have a new baby and have Daddy deploy all at the same time.  I can't imagine that he will be THAT much less needy in 35ish weeks.   He is an awesome kid, but really needs a lot of time and attention.   I am constantly on my toes with him.   I love it.  I really do, and I really feel like I am able to love his personality and embrace it at this point.  I really think that having another baby at this point would "crush his spirit/personality" and I don't want to do that.    Not only that, but I am just starting to feel "normal" again.   I really do think that I handled the last deployment really well, but it really meant that I spent a year putting on makeup less than a handful of times, I didn't get my haircut, I wasn't able to go to the gym....I had no balance.   Even reading a book for myself was tough.   That may sound selfish, and I am not doing it for only these reasons, but I really NEED me time.   Add that with a baby who still doesn't sleep well at all, I feel like my health went out the door.   I am normally a very healthy person, but I was sick all winter.    I had planned on taking more classes during this upcoming deployment and maybe even working a little.   This is the longest time I have not worked and since my DS will be in school some during the next deployment (German Kindergarten, only a few hours a day) I had planned on trying to work a little during that time.   I love being a SAHM, but I also NEED balance.

My biggest concern with the medical abortion was the possibility of my milk drying up.   I feel like I had read somewhere that someone's supply completely tanked after a medical abortion.   That would break my heart.   :(

Originally Posted by milkcake 

All too recently I was in an almost identical situation - my DH was getting ready to deploy for a long time, and where we were stationed at the time I was completely alone. The major difference for me was that it would be my first child - it was my very first pregnancy. As happy as I was to get my BFP it took only a few days for the reality of it to sink in; I would be alone in a foreign land with my first child and no one to call on for advice or help. I already have depression/anxiety problems, in addition to PTSD, Panic Disorder, and agoraphobia. DH and I decided that for both the child and myself, the best thing was not to go through with it.

In the end, my DH changed his mind - after supporting me initially he (after talking to his mother and sisters about the situation) decided he hated me for what happened, and blames me for his pain of the loss.

We are now separated and divorcing.

I know how hard it is to talk about it, but if you know it's the right choice don't let anyone else make you doubt your decision. As for the herbal methods, I've heard they can be very dangerous. I did the medical since I was at 7.5wks, but surgical shouldn't detriment your milk. They will most likely want to give you antibiotics though, which is your choice on taking or not.

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but you sound very brave. Sending peace and strength your way

I am sorry that you are dealing with all of this Mama.  :(   

I am now thinking of possibly doing the medical instead of surgical.   I am just a little afraid because from what I understand it can be pretty uncomfortable at home, there may be throwing up involved and a lot of cramping/blood.   This would be fine, if I wasn't worried about taking care of my DS at the same time.  Daddy would help of course, but I think knowing he wanted me while I wasn't feeling good would just make me feel worse.   Was it really that bad?
 

[parsley]

I'm glad my response helped!  If you want to talk more or commiserate, PM me.  Also, I can send you that drs name and you can read his publications on med abortion if you think that would be helpful as well. 

My fear about medical abortion was also about breastfeeding.  It's (continues) to be a huge part of my life with DD and it would have broken both our hearts to have something happen that endangered that part of our relationship.  That's why I decided on taking the "surgical" route (though that early in pg it's no more surgical than getting an IUD inserted.)

And, as hard as it is to see... it's not selfish to take "me" time.  It's self-preservation and your DS needs you to be a happy and healthy mama as much as you need it.  Your DS is going to be a healthier and more well adjusted kid if he sees a mama that can deal with problems, think things through and make decisions that feel and seem right. 

Again, lots of good wishes. 

[milkcake]

      Quote:

Originally Posted by Guestmama0624 

I am sorry that you are dealing with all of this Mama.  :(   

I am now thinking of possibly doing the medical instead of surgical.   I am just a little afraid because from what I understand it can be pretty uncomfortable at home, there may be throwing up involved and a lot of cramping/blood.   This would be fine, if I wasn't worried about taking care of my DS at the same time.  Daddy would help of course, but I think knowing he wanted me while I wasn't feeling good would just make me feel worse.   Was it really that bad?
 

Thank you Mama. I don't have but one person to talk to about it so it does feel good to be able to share and relate.

I read a lot of stories from other women that did the medical before I did, and my results were atypical. I actually miscarried before taking the misoprostol two days after the initial pill. I had a lot of cramping and a lot of bleeding the day of the first pill. The information packet I was given said that while most don't start bleeding until they take the second set of pills that you can start after the first. I went to the store to buy some pads (I normally use a moon cup) and ended up locking my keys and my dog in the car. Such a fun day! I was doubled over on the toilet for a while crying from the pain, and I'm generally known in the family to have a very high pain tolerance. I was given a prescription for pain meds and they did help, although I took them late since I didn't realize what was going on at the time. What seemed to help the most was a hot shower and a heating pad, and I drank a lot of a white jasmine tea for the nausea (I never actually vomited.) When the tissue passed I was pretty confused, since it was the night before I was supposed to take the second set of pills.. and it looked and felt like a piece of my uterine wall had detached. The pain and bleeding continued for about 3 more days, but I heard it can go up to 10!

Because I m/c early, when I took the second set of pills I was so scared of how much worse the pain would get, and nothing happened. A few days later I went back to the doctor, and after another ultrasound they told me sometimes you can m/c before the second tablets and that it looked like I was fine. Also I ran a low fever though so they gave me antibiotics.

If you choose to do the medical, you'll probably be miserable and sick for a few days. I spent about 4 in bed just trying to sleep through everything; the friend caring for me likened it to a person with the flu except for the bleeding and cramping (which I was taking meds for anyway.)

Sorry if that's confusing at all, but if there's anything else I can answer for you just let me know.

[treeoflife3]

My baby was born during deployment and now we are on another.  As one military wife to another, while I couldn't make the same choice, I fully understand your reasoning and support it.  *hugs*  deployments are hell without adding in major family changes immediately before the start or during one.

[2lilsweetfoxes]

I'm sorry that you find yourself in such a yucky situation.

Think on this:  you go through with the abortion, then your husband comes off deployment orders and is *not* going to deploy.  Would you regret it, be angry, or feel cheated; or would you still be at peace that you made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time?

Or, alternatively, if there were no deployment on the horizon, so you had decided to continue the pregnancy, then when you are 7-8 months pregnant, he comes down on orders to leave in a few months?

There are no easy answers.  My husband, when we were debating trying for #2, knowing he was facing deployment, but knowing he was going to ETS within the next year and a half, told me that we should not plan our family around the Army.  He missed half the pregnancy and half our son's first year. 

(When I unexpectedly got pregnant with #3, I was facing deployment--and the timing "seemed" perfect, we were to leave in October 2009--perfectly at the 6 month mark after my due date, so I'd have to go.  Well, they changed it and the unit left in June, so I did not go.  The unit I'm in now is slated to deploy soon, but there is strong possibility we won't be going.  I went back into the Army after DH got out, long story.  We were content with 2 children, especially considering our younger child has autism.)

[TrishWSU]

Hugs mama!! What a teribble situation to be in and I offer nothing but support for the decision you feel is best for your family.

As far as the medical abortion goes...I had a missed m/c and was 8w5d weeks when the baby had died (found out two weeks later.) I was given cytotec, both orally and vaginally, to induce a miscarriage. The dr inserted a few tablets up by my cervix to get it to dilate and I took one dose at the office. I believe it was after I took the second dose that I really started crampning and bleeding. I was pretty bad cramping and bleeding for that first night but by the next day it was really more like a slightly heavy period. I did pass a fully intact fetus the second (which was strange/awesome/gross all at once) but again I was 8w5d. So for me I really didn't have a bad experience physically with the cytotec...I don't know if the other medication they give you for a medical abortion causes nausea/vomitting. I've also miscarried at 5w5d and that one was just like a really heavy period with some blood clots/tissue for 2 days, then a regular one for about a week.

[rjdwife87]

Hey! Just read your post and I am almost in one of the exact situations that you are in. Where in Germany are you stationed? Would love to chat if you have a minute. Thanks

[FrannieM]

i admire you for posting this and i only have respect for your intelligent introspective thinking on a difficult decision.  Best of luck to you and your family.  

 

[Panserbjorne]

Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama 

I know its a hard decision to make, and I commend you for having the courage to come to a place where its not easy to admit that you are choosing not to continue a pregnancy. Ive been there and done it, please feel free to pm me if you have any questions or if you need to talk about it. Hugs mama This too shall pass.


Herbal treatments to bring on a miscarriage are called emmenagogues. Here is a reliable site, but you must be very careful. My suggestion is to go ahead with the medical procedure, since if you try these herbs, it is going to extend the amount of time that you are pg, and having the abortion will be a lot harder emotionally. That is how it was for me, but I tried herbs until about 9 weeks, then made the appointment, and I was 10.5 when I had the abortion. 5 weeks would have been so much easier.

this.  it is my understanding that the herbal route is very touchy, with not many rates of success.  In fact the master herbalists I know who have been in practice for decades even advise against it.  the two people I know who went that route have babies to show for it, and they did it under the guidance of well known, highly competent practitioners.  nothing is certain and while you're waiting you're getting further along.  medical abortion has a high success rate (95-97%) and is no more toxic than the herbs.  Plus you have a pretty clear cut picture of the progression and medical professionals to care for you if something goes awry.  I'm all for natural medicine, but this situation is entirely different.  much love to you in this difficult time, mama.

[Adaline'sMama]

OP, please know that there are still those of us who are thinking of you. I hope you are well.

[Dacks]

I just have to say that this thread and its responses warms my heart and makes me really glad I decided to join this site recently. I wasn't sure even reading some of the other threads here if this would be a welcoming place for people like me. While I have never had an abortion, I would if I decided it was necessary, and now I know that people here would not judge harshly for it. 

My heart goes out to you for all the stresses you are under right now, and I hope it goes smoothly so you can set aside time for your own wellness. I was military once, and I know a lot of military wives. It can be so tough, even with a supportive spouse like yours. 

[momz3]

I was in the same situation earlier this yr. Pm me if you'd like to talk. I'll be praying for you and your family.