3.5 yo behaving "babyish", baby on the way

[mamaboss]

We are expecting a baby in about 3 months. DD seems very excited and often talks to my belly, tells me the things she's going to teach her baby brother and participates happily in my prenatal visits. However, lately she seems to have not regressed but just act like a baby a lot of the time. She will baby-talk, whine, pretend to nurse when she next to me-near my breasts, my arms and sometimes with her own hand. She is also overly affectionate, especially with my breasts. She weaned at 14 months during my second pregnancy (which we lost at 34 weeks so this is still going to be her first sibling) but I have always let her use my breasts as comfort objects, especially since she stopped nursing so early. Generally she only needed them when we were cuddling to sleep or if she was hurt or upset but lately literally any chance she gets she tries to touch them or nuzzle them. I've talked to her about when it is ok vs. when I need my space and she seems to understand for a bit but goes right back to it soon after talking. Because she pretends to nurse, I've talked to her about how when the baby comes there will be milk again and if she'd like I will put some in a cup for her to drink. (I'm not comfortable with the idea of her unweaning at this point). 

We talk to her often about having a baby brother joining us and try to focus as much time with her as possible, especially cuddling since she seems to really need the affection right now but I just am kind of confused as to why it doesn't seem to be enough for her. Sometimes it gets frustrating because eventually I feel like a broken record asking her to stop and just feel "touched out" a lot of the time. And frankly, the baby talk gets annoying pretty quickly, especially when it turns to whining. Anyone BTDT? 

[meemee]

two things.

one. baby behaviour spot on normal for that age group. dd did it too. and a baby coming makes it a little more intense.

two. this is a HUGE subject for me. breasts are not just meant for food. they have a HUGE emotional security aspect. after dd weaned she played with my breasts a long time. she'd try to  play with my nipples but i said no. that was too uncomfortable. 

3 is a v. emotionally needy time. they need lots of physical touch. 

i see nothing your child is doing that is out of the realm of normal.

this is a great book on 3 year olds.  Your 3 year old - http://www.amazon.com/Your-Three-Year-Old-Louise-Bates-Ames/dp/0440506492

[AnnaT]

If you are annoyed now, just wait till the baby comes and then starts talking...your kid will be reveling in the baby talk.  My almost 4.5 year old still does it and her sister just turned 2.  We be sure to give her lots of hands on attention, cuddles, etc...She is never want of that and I don't feel like she expresses any behaviors that would say otherwise.  HOWEVER the baby talk drives me BONKERS, so I am specifically addressing that concern of yours...Here are some of the things we have done and have had success with...

1)Reminding her that one of the awesome things about being the big girl is her ability to communicate in a big way..reminded her how articulate she is and people admire and respect her ability to put sentences together

2)Glorify her role as teacher...your little sister/bro won't learn to talk if we all don't show her/him the more understandable way to communicate.

3) We did ASL with both our kids and the older LOVED getting back into it...replace the baby talk with it...awesome!

4) We used the little sisters tantrums and fits as teachable moments for the older..."Won't it be great when your sister can talk in the ways that you do to get her needs met?!?!?!" 

5)When all else failed, and sometimes it did; I'll admit it..I completely IGNORED it.  and within 3-4 times of talking in a babyish fashion, she would get it and remember oh, yeah, Mama can't understand me...

Good luck and congrats on the expansion of your family!

[limabean]

3 and 4 are huge ages for babytalk, whether there's a sibling on the way or not. So it might be good to separate the issue of getting a new sibling and the issue of babytalk, which could be completely unrelated. It can be annoying, but when my DS did it I just went with it a little, babying him when he seemed to need it and then saying, "Okay, now let's speak in our normal voices," and it passed eventually -- by the time he was 4.5 he wasn't doing it anymore. Think of it kind of like when your child comes to you and says, "Mom, I'm a kitty!" and starts crawling around and meowing -- you probably just say, "Oh, hello kitty! Would you like some milk?" and play along, right? 

[danou]

Just want to jump in here- although nothing really new to add. My ds went through this when his little brother came on the scene (3 yrs + 3 weeks). Normal normal normal. Reassure, encourage, model. Sometimes when the baby behaviour got to be too much- I'd pretend to not let him play with big boy toys and ask him if he wanted to play with the big kid toys he had to show me he was a big kid when he was ready.

The breast thing- again- normal normal normal. Figure out what your boundaries are and continue to cuddle and provide affection a plenty.

Her world is about to change in ways she can't begin to fathom. Reassure, love on her and enjoy these last moments as just the two of you.

[swd12422]

Sorry you're going through this. It may not be entirely due to the new baby though... DS is 3.5 (and no baby on the way), and he is whining, crying, finger-sucking and extra-hugging his way through every day. It gets worse when he's tired. And I just keep thinking to myself, "I'd be blaming this on his having a baby sibling, if he had one...."

[sunnygir1]

Yeah.  Although I'm sure the new baby on the way has an effect, I think the age of your dd is more of a factor.

Dd was 2.5 when ds was born, and we didn't really run into this kind of stuff until after she turned 3.  Besides the baby talk and whining and cuddling, our dd also suddenly started acting like she couldn't do things that she had been doing on her own for a year.  I think it's more about them growing up than about gaining a new sibling -- but like I said, I'm sure the new sibling and the related stress has an effect.

It's been almost a year, and these behaviors have subsided significantly, although they still show up occasionally.  Just a phase.  Create your boundaries, help your kid feel safe and loved, and wait it out ; )

[mamaboss]

Thank you ladies for the reassurances and for helping this mama feel a little less guilty!!!

[bdoody11]

My DD#1 did this too. She was 3 years 4 months when DD#2 was born. She was still nursing so we didn't have that issue, but we definitely had a lot baby talk, running to get on the changing table before I could get DD#2 there, getting in the co-sleeper/crib, etc. My therapist suggested to handle it this way: Give her what she wants in wishes. Like when she jumped on the changing table say "You wish you could be baby and get your diaper changed. That sounds like fun." Then let her hop off the table and move on. I really does work. They appreciate that you are recognizing their wants, but you don't have to go all the way and give it to them. I still use that technique often in our house even though we're past this baby stage.

[HappyMommy2]

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