May Chat Thread - Week 2

[Lidamama84]

So I decided to start up a new chat thread for this week, as per all your suggestions. I think the first one is 7 or 8 pages!!!

I have to say how surprised I am that we don't have any Junebabies yet! I just popped over to the May forum and it seems like everyone has or is having their babies.

I had some upsetting news at my last MW appt. Baby has fallen 5% on the growth chart and I'm measuring small-for-dates (30 cm at 35w), and my fluid is on the low side.  I was so sure that my last U/S was the last one for this baby!!! I have another one next week and if this trend continues they want to induce. I could just cry! This is exactly what happened with baby #1, except I was 39w when they induced, not 36!!! I understand the rationale of why they would induce earlier than later in this case, but it doesn't make it any easier. With DD1 we had feeding issues, and because she was under 2500g at birth, she had to go to NICU for observation (read: formula-feeding) before they realized that she was perfectly ok, and she could come back to stay with me. I don't know if the procedures are any different with a midwife attending; I suspect not...Anyway, the only thing I can do is negotiate which drugs they use and don't use, and refuse pain meds, which I didn't have the courage to do last time. Although if they are inducing, it means no birthtub for me either :(( 

Anyone else been here before? I feel like I'm doing something wrong cause my babies are too small. I've completely cut out coffee completely and am drinking lots of water, and making sure to get plenty of rest, which I need anyway (I'm NOT part of the insomnia club, lol; I've even started sleeping w/o waking up to pee!) Hopefully all this will help baby to gain some weight by next week.

[BHappy]

yay! a weekly thread! thanks ...

i'm sorry you are in this situation, lidia. i don't have any experience that would help. i have been trying to eat healthy fats including whole milk, butter, coconut oil, etc. lots of eggs, avocados, yogurt, liver. i'm not sure what kind of nutrition you subscribe to, but i thought i'd throw it out there. it would be sad to induce, especially as baby is just getting to the place where she is putting on the fats! is it possible the ultrasound is wrong? i've read that u/s is really not an accurate way to estimate baby's size at this stage. i get it though that your fluids are low and your belly is measuring small....

sorry to hear about others' insomnia. i do wake frequently -- last night's pee fest was unbelievable! i was up every 10 minutes as i was falling asleep. it seems to be worst right when i first lay down to sleep. then up more every 2-3 hours throughout the night. but sleeping is something i can do pretty well these days!

ah, it's monday and i hope to get something done! i had a lazy weekend, and i feel my window for getting work completed is getting small. this is week 37 for me, and i don't dare push anything off much longer. i was just telling dh this morning that i've never stayed pregnant longer than 37 weeks! this is kinda cool.

[Lidamama84]

BHappy, I totally hear you on the healthy fats, I've been incorporating them into my diet too. Helps to have a toddler, so I put Homo milk in everything, lol!

We'll see what happens with the next U/S. I know they can be off, but last time they were telling me my daughter was BIGGER than she actually was :(  We'll see. At least the midwives don't get insulted when you ask questions and try to negotiate. They get that you want a natural birth, and they understand the benefits of waiting for labour to start naturally. Very re-assuring :)

[Smokering]

I'm sorry your Mother's Day was kinda lame. Catering to the MIL would bug the heck out of me. I hope dinner was nice at least!

Well, DH came through yesterday. :) He bought me flowers and we had a very nice dinner out. Unfortunately the place we were going to go to, for which we had a discount voucher, was closed for renovations; so we ended up at a rather swanky place instead and spent way too much money. :p DH had carpacchio for an entree - it's very thinly-sliced, seasoned raw steak. Rather above our usual level of fancy! I had some extremely good homemade pasta and a dessert that involved an artily-presented tablespoon of cardamom ice cream. It was great fun.

Re. healthy fats... my favourite drink at the moment is milk mixed with cream and maple syrup. I don't really like drinking milk by itself, but this is delicious! I try for one glass a day to help me swallow my (vile, vile, vile) fermented cod liver oil; and lately I've been having two a day. The funny thing is, I bought a bottle of chocolate milk the other day when I was out and it tasted really watery and skim milky. :p DH has taken to making his coffee with cream too, and complained that the very fancy coffee he had with his dinner last night was too watery. I guess we're more TF than we thought! :p

I've been doing some more reading/research about birth, including reading ALL of Gloria Lemay's blog... and I'm thinking I might just decline all vaginal exams during labour. They're not predictive of how long the rest of the labour will take; I absolutely hate them and find them very painful; they provide an opportunity for infection; some people think they can cause labour to stall or slow, just by being invasive, which makes a lot of sense to me; and I've read some compelling arguments that mother-directed pushing and "breathing out", even on a not-quite-10-cm-yet cervix, won't cause swelling or anything otherwise untoward. Besides, I'm hoping to birth in the pool - if I feel like pushing, there's no way I'm getting out soaking wet, having a VE and then climbing back in! So, yeah. I feel pretty good about this. I think I already briefly discussed VEs with my MW - she said she likes to do one when she arrives at the birthing centre, and another when I feel like pushing. Oh well, I can tell her I changed my mind. :p I might change it again during labour - last time I actually requested a check, even though I hated the procedure, because I was so desperate to know how far along I was. But then I was only 5-6 cm and got all disappointed, so!

Also? I spent $64.50 at the herbal shop yesterday. I went there to get some Third Trimester Tea (their blend has nettle, RRL, chamomile and fennel in it). But then I remembered DH wanted some new deodorant... and I saw some raw honey, which is hard to find here... and then I saw an eco-friendly metal water bottle, which reminded me that we've been drinking out of reused Pump bottles for years and exposing our unborn child to estrogens. So, yeah. In my defense, I could have bought $18 postpartum sitz bath mixture and didn't. And now I wish I had.

[Mamatoabunch]

Originally Posted by Smokering 

I've been doing some more reading/research about birth, including reading ALL of Gloria Lemay's blog... and I'm thinking I might just decline all vaginal exams during labour. They're not predictive of how long the rest of the labour will take; I absolutely hate them and find them very painful; they provide an opportunity for infection; some people think they can cause labour to stall or slow, just by being invasive, which makes a lot of sense to me; and I've read some compelling arguments that mother-directed pushing and "breathing out", even on a not-quite-10-cm-yet cervix, won't cause swelling or anything otherwise untoward. Besides, I'm hoping to birth in the pool - if I feel like pushing, there's no way I'm getting out soaking wet, having a VE and then climbing back in! So, yeah. I feel pretty good about this. I think I already briefly discussed VEs with my MW - she said she likes to do one when she arrives at the birthing centre, and another when I feel like pushing. Oh well, I can tell her I changed my mind. :p I might change it again during labour - last time I actually requested a check, even though I hated the procedure, because I was so desperate to know how far along I was. But then I was only 5-6 cm and got all disappointed, so!

ITA. I've had 8 HB's, last 7 UC's and was never checked. I asked once in my first HB and midwife did it. I asked dh once w/ my first planned UC. Worst experience ever. I have checked myself since, if I had desire. I have pushed w/ a few not knowing if I was fully dilated or not, just went w/ it and have pushed a few knowing cervix was not fully dilated.

[Smokering]

and have pushed a few knowing cervix was not fully dilated.

Can you tell me more about that? Did it "work"?

[Mamatoabunch]

Originally Posted by Smokering 

Can you tell me more about that? Did it "work"?

It did, just fine. Cervix moved and I pushed baby out. It was no more difficult pushing, pushing baby out was quick. Mind you I had urge to push, I have only ever pushed w/ desire. It is funny though that every single time I start feeling pushy, I push bits and dh says are you pushing. I say yes, feeling the urge and dh tells me every time you should wait, wait a few, LOL. I have told him not to say that and yet every time he gets antsy at that point of labor, never before, or after. His antsiness passes after a few of my pushing w/ contraxs. I told him do not tell me that this time again, we shall see.

[Smokering]

Well, there you go. :p

Funny how DHs can be in labour. Mine was great last time - he massaged me with lavender oil for hours, despite having a real Aspie Thing about getting oil on his hands. :p I had two complaints, though: firstly, for reasons unbeknownst to man, he kept repeating "You're doin' good, kid" over and over throughout labour. Which was irritating because a) he didn't really know what he was talking about, and we both knew it, and b) "kid"? Really? I was pretty determined not to be That Woman who yells at her husband during labour, so I kept my mouth shut; but it irritated me the entire time, and I have told him since in no uncertain terms not to say it this go-round. Secondly, he left me for twenty minutes in transition, when I reluctantly let him go to heat up my wheatie bag, because he wanted to eat a pie. In his defense he hadn't had much except fruit salad all day, and he was hungry. But still though.

Then last night, we were discussing the upcoming labour and whether or not DD should be there. I thought DH could bring his laptop with some movies on it, so if she got bored or pesky she could go sit in some corner and watch them. He said "We need to get some together... we have How to Train Your Dragon." I said "What? We have heaps... Hercules, Aladdin, Dumbo..." and he said "Yeah, but I want ones I can watch too. I'm not watching Dumbo again." I gave him a Look and said "Dude, you think you're going to be watching movies when I'm in labour?" and he panicked and said "What? I don't know how it's going to work!".

Sigh. So I explained, in elaborate detail, how if DD was being pesky DH could briefly sever himself from my side, set up the video, and then return to being my labour support. He was chastened and agreed. :p Men...

[BarefootScientist]

Lidamama, I'm sorry you're having growth issues. I hope things work out just fine.

Smokering, my DH slept through my last labor...well, so did I but not as much as him...he woke up just in time to take me to the hospital and arrived from parking the car just in time to hold my hand while I pushed out the head. So I'm not sure how good he will really be at labor support. I've told him to stay well-rested this time and warned him I could very well go into labor at his bedtime, and if so, tough. Last time he was "sooooo tired" (he HAD just come back from a business trip, but come on, I was in labor).

[Smokering]

Well, my father fainted during five of my mother's six labours. (The sixth was an emergency C-section, at which he would have undoubtedly fainted as well, but he was taking care of us and didn't see it.) We have a great photo of nurses fluttering all over my six-foot father, who's propped up in a chair with a wet cloth on his forehead, surrounded by glasses of orange juice... while Mum quietly labours in the corner. :p So, y'know, DH is a step up from that.

[Snowflake777]

Originally Posted by Smokering 

Secondly, he left me for twenty minutes in transition, when I reluctantly let him go to heat up my wheatie bag, because he wanted to eat a pie.

I'm sorry but that totally made me LOL. Men indeed! My friend said her husband went to get her a glass of water, then didn't come back for 30 minutes because he'd bumped into some old college buddy in the hallway and started chatting.

I seriously need to have a conversation with DH about what I'm going to need from him during & after labour. Last time he fell asleep immediately after the baby was born, leaving me to change her seemingly never-ending meconium diapers all night by myself. I'd been awake for two days straight, and in labour for half of that time. I remember at one point DD was crying, he woke up, glared at me, then turned over and put a pillow over his head. I know he was half asleep and not doing it intentionally, but still. I'm going to tell him that this time I don't care how many cups of coffee he has to drink, he needs to be at least some what "with it" when I need his help. 

I'm also totally with you guys on the internal checks. I'm avoiding them like the plague this time around.

Incidentally, last time the midwives gave me "permission" to start pushing at 8 cm. The 10 cm thing really isn't set in stone.

[Mamatoabunch]

Cracking up at the dh labor stories. Dh is really good actually, but I don't need him to do much. Just be there mostly. W/ Eiley, I went into labor at 8am, she was born at noonish. In transition, although he isn't real clear on when that is, went to go get a sandwich. He should have eaten breakfast, so he wouldn't be "starving" at noon. This is an ongoing annoyance about his eating whenever habits, like 30 minutes before dinner is finished. He didn't need to get a sandwich himself, there is plenty of people to bring a sandwich to him. On the next contraction I called him back to our room,, from the kitchen and he had no sandwich, LOL, before she was born.

[Smokering]

I got pretty clingy during labour. It was weird. What happened was, we went into the hospital early on Sunday because my MWs were pretty sure I had pre-eclampsia. We had to wait around all day (with no food - DH eventually went out and got us pizza at 6PM) for the doctors to get around to telling me that yes, I had fulminating pre-eclampsia and would have to be induced. They wouldn't let me go home; they were going to apply the prostoglandin gel at midnight. They said DH could stay, but he'd have to sleep on a lazyboy in the (tiny) labour room. So it was all pretty sucky - I was devastated about losing my homebirth. I really wanted DH to stay with me, but we agreed that it would be better if he had a decent night's sleep so he could support me better the following day. So he brought me a nightie and some stuff from home, and then disappeared. It was all a bit miserable - I had a fetal monitor left on me for way longer than the 45 minutes it was supposed to be, because the nurses were understaffed and had forgotten about me, so I didn't get to sleep until about 2AM, and noticeable contractions started soon after that. It would have been nice to have DH around during that night. Still, he doesn't cope too well without sleep... well, neither do I, but I didn't have much choice!... so maybe it was just as well.

Then when I was in labour - particularly near the end - I went into this really weird headspace and had my eyes tightly shut, but kept panicking that DH had gone away. (Understandable, after the pie incident - right?). I kept plaintively saying "Where are you?", and it never in a million years occurred to me that I could just open my eyes and look around. :p

I don't know how I'll be this time around. Hopefully Hypnobabies will make me feel more self-sufficient and less needy. All in all, as I say, he was good last time - I think the experience brought us closer, although in a shared-misery kind of way rather than a joyous-uplifting-experience kind of way! If DD is there too for this birth, it'll change the dynamic. I'm prepared to send her away if she's monopolising his attention, though.

And yes, your DH definitely needs to take his turn with meconium this time around! DH changed all DD's nappies at the birthing centre: I felt too weak and icky to struggle out of bed every time. He was great the first night, too. DD slept picturesquely in the nice wooden crib for about twenty minutes before deciding she wouldn't have a bar of it; I was too nervous to cosleep the first night, but DH just casually laid her tummy-down against his chest, draped a hand over her and they both slept peacefully between night feeds. It was sweet. :)

[JosieAK]

Sorry to those who had a stressful Mother's Day. :(  Mine was fairly relaxing.  DH took DD and went shopping Saturday and then came home and made me dinner.  Then, we painted our living room wall (not relaxing, but totally soothed my nesting nerve).  The next day, we had a leisurely morning (we go to second service) and DH made me cinnamon rolls (from a can), sausages, and smoothies (more like milk shakes!  I make mine with greens and pregnancy tea, he makes his with cream, frozen strawberries, and sugar!).  He and DD also gave me a handmade card with her hand print on it, a cool little kitchen gadget that cuts garlic, and a pot of miniature roses (all picked by 2 yo DD, apparently).

I felt very loved, so when we went to hang out with MIL and SIL later that day, I felt good about mommyhood.  My mother asked to do nothing, which made me sad, but she hasn't been feeling well and says we might make it up on Father's Day.

So this morning, I surveyed the house.  The kitchen was an absolute disaster.  I don't think DH did one dish from the two meals he made, and he uses a LOT of dishes.  I tried to empty the DW and clean as I went, but the kitchen was absolutely overflowing with dirty dishes, crusty counters, etc.  One side of the sink is full of paint supplies.  The trash is more than overflowing.  The fridge and some cabinets were moved out of place.  The dining room table covered and a large ladder set up in the entrance.  Paint supplies, baby toys, books, and things moved out of place scattered the living room.  There were no face plates on the wall we painted, of course.  And the rest of the house sort of followed suit. Ahh!  And I have been having strong BH since before I got out of bed! 

Thankfully, my nesting is in full swing and much of this stuff actually has a home now and isn't just being shuttled from place to place.  So I've been working a little at a time to restore peace and order to chaos.  Thankfully, it feels worth it to have had my DH make meals and help paint a wall.  And it feels very good to put things to rights.  Haha.  I MUST be nesting!

[jshannyn519]

Lidia, how much protein are you eating each day? We're supposed to be getting 80-100 grams each day, and about 160 grams a day for those twin mamas. I'm the type of person that can eat carbs all day long, but getting enough protein can sometimes be a challenge. I started eating Greek yogurt with fruit, cheeses, peanut butter, nuts and other stuff to try and maintain my protein intake. Even with eating all that protein my babies tend to be on the smaller side of normal. My biggest baby so far was 7#13oz. Although, I think this one may be at least 8 lbs at birth. He just feels bigger than the others did, and heavier.

I love hearing all the DH stories! When I was in labor with my DD and I woke my ex up to tell him we needed to go, he said, "I'm tired. Can' you wait?" I'm sure he wasn't fully awake when he said that because it was about 2 in the morning after all. But I was SO angry with him that I gave him 5 minutes to be in the car or I was leaving without him. I ended up driving us to the babysitter's house to drop off DS on our way to the hospital, and my ex then slept through the majority of my labor. I told every nurse that came in that if they woke him up there would be hell to pay. I did not want to deal with him AT ALL after his rude comment! Turns out that it was great! lol

I had all kinds of things planned for today, but I ended up doing much less than I had planned. I did make it to the chiro, and grocery shopping. But then I read and napped and cleaned the kitchen and that was pretty much it until the kids got home from school. I really need to stop being such a bum and do some more stuff... like put away the baskets of laundry that have been sitting in my closet for close to a month. And wash the fabric for the baby's quilt so I can start making it. And maybe vacuum my carpet.

[sharita]

So I had car trouble and missed my 36 week appointment with my OB office (which all I have ever seen is the CNM in the office.  They don't make you rotate providers so i have never even met the others.  There are two other Drs she is the only midwife)

Anyway so I called today to just schedule my 37 week and when they ask who I see in their office, I told them Barb, the CNM they said, Oh she's no longer with us, did you wanna see oen of the OB's instead?

What tha...  They said they think she transferred to indianapolis where her family is.  She didnt say anything to me.  Could it have really been that spontaneous of a decision?  Now I am supposed to see a stranger starting 37 weeks?  Too weird.  I am also seeing a HB midwife who is a friend though I was getting most all my prenatal care from this clinic.  She will be the one delivering my baby (at home) so actually I don't NEED to go again and with all other pregnancies where I did shadow care with an OB but had a homebirth I dropped care shortly after the ultrasound midway through. 

I guess I will go and get the GBS test just so if for some reason I need transfer, its in my chart my status and less freak out from the hospital.  My midwife does it as well just to have on the chart but if I have her do it I have to pay her out of pocket but my insurance covers the OB doing it so Ill go that route.

I just find it so weird the only provider I have seen since I was 8 weeks just up and left.  I guess it happens though. 

I just now realized there was a week 2 up, haha.  I gotta go back and catch up on these posts.

[tracymom1]

Ha! I agree - the DH stories are awesome! I don't think DH said more than 2 words during my last labor, but then again, neither did I. Since we are going about it unassisted this time, I am sure he will have more questions and/or need more instruction from me. I am hoping to get a nice, clear list together very soon. On it will certainly be "eat now. don't wait until I really need you to decide its time for a snack!" LOL!!

I am really hoping my nesting urge comes back... it was here a few days last week and has now vanished again. I am trying not to put any pressure on myself to get things done, but there are several projects that I really *should* attempt to finish.

It is supposed to be 80 degrees here tomorrow! Woo-Hoo!!! I love the warmth and I hope I get to enjoy it a little. We did the majority of our gardening on Sunday, but I do still have to plant my seedlings and spread the grass seed to the bare spots on the lawn. Once that is done I will feel a little more at peace with all of the outstanding projects and what-not. Oh, yeah, I almost forgot - I have to "fix up" a super nasty bathroom we have in the basement and I am not looking forward to that one little bit. Blech. Its super nasty.

[erigeron]

We had our hospital tour tonight. It seems like a pretty decent place as hospitals go and it doesn't look like I'll have to throw too much of a fit to get what I want (or, mostly, avoid what I don't want). I don't want a vaginal exam in triage, though, and it sounds like I'll have to either live with it or throw a fit, and that bums me out--I'd prefer not to BEGIN my visit by throwing a fit about one of the procedures that they take the hardest line on--a lot of the other things I want to opt out of, it sounded like they weren't a big deal, and I don't care either way about any of the other triage procedures. Blah.

A friend of mine is planning my shower and she reserved the restaurant and sent out the invites for May 22. Looking forward to it.

[jshannyn519]

Sharita it seems really weird that your MW would just up and leave without saying anything to you beforehand. Very odd. I wonder if there was some kind of falling out between her and the practice and they gave her the boot. At any rate, that really sucks that she's gone, but at least you have your HB MW!

Well, my friend that is due June 1st has been having contractions for the past couple of days. She's at the hospital now being monitored but she's not dilating so I think they'll send her home. If she's really in labor then she'll progress better at home anyway. And if she's not then she'll be able to get some sleep, hopefully. Home is the best place for her to be right now, no matter what is going on.

And now it's my turn to rant...

My ex-husband has decided to be a total ass again. He's got a new girlfriend and it sounds like she's pushing him to be more involved with his kids. Which means that he's been calling my kids for "phone visitations" twice a week for the last 2 or 3 weeks. This is after over 9 years of not even seeing them, and not talking to them even on the phone for nearly that long. He also told his oldest daughter, my kids' half-sister, that he's going to take me to court because I'm violating the custody agreement. Hmmm... you mean the custody agreement that gives me full legal and physical custody of both children, and him only 4 hours of supervised visitation a week that I can cut off if he's not consistent to MY satisfaction? I swear he's on crack. Or totally insane. I think his voices are telling him that he's right when he's obviously lost touch with reality. But I forgot, it's all my fault that he's unsafe and dangerous and can't follow through with anything. It's my fault that he moves constantly and does drugs and gets in trouble for breaking & entering and doesn't tell me where he is or pay child support. It's all my fault. Riiiiiiigghhttt. Ass.

I am wondering though if he does try and drag me back to court if we'll be in the county in Oregon where the original order was put in, or if it would be in the county in Texas where we live now, and have been for 4 years. I would imagine that it would be here, because I'm here and so are the kids, and I'm pretty sure that OR wants nothing to do with this case anymore since we don't even live there. Anyone know? My ex doesn't live in OR anymore either, he's in Washington now and has been since our divorce was finalized in 2001.

This whole thing is just incredibly annoying. He seems to do this about every few years, pop back up and tell me that I'm being mean and unfair and he wants to be a part of the kids' lives. And I tell him what he needs to do and he doesn't follow through and instead threatens me with court and taking custody away from me. I have to say that after all of this time, I worry less and less about him actually being given any form of custody because his track record sucks and mine doesn't. But it still pisses me off because it takes time and energy for me to deal with this crap all the time. And it's upsetting to the kids to have him doing his "I want to be your daddy" thing for a few weeks until he gets bored and stops calling. I have no illusions that he'll ever actually get his stuff together enough to come down here for a real visit. And if he does it will be supervised by me anyway. And and my kids don't even know him! He's a total stranger to them and he has NO idea how to even talk to them. He can't even remember their birthdays for crying out loud!

Okay... I think I need to stop now and go try and sleep. Argh. I can honestly say that he is the one person on the face of this planet that I hate. And I don't even like giving him that much of my energy because he's just such a total waste of oxygen.

[MaryElizabeth]

Jenni-- That sounds awful! And ANNOYING! I'm sure that you wouldn't have to worry about a thing with this guy in court. I would even venture to say that the judge would give him a good "talking to" about how to be a man and either be in the kids lives, or not. It's simple. None the less, it still sucks to have to deal with stress that is brought on solely bc another person is too selfish to even realize how much they are hurting others. I hope that he will just disappear again and you can go back to resting and relaxing!