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May Chat Thread - Week 2 - Page 2

post #21 of 127

Ugh, how annoying! I hope you manage to get him out of the picture again with a minimum of fuss... doesn't sound like anything positive for your kids can come of interacting with him.

post #22 of 127

Wow, I've missed too much to try to catch up, I think!  I do want to say CONGRATS Annabell, on the farm!  That has to be such a relief to you. :)

 

I had a less-than-stellar weekend.  :/  Saturday was dh's birthday.  He was kind of pouty about the whole thing, because he wants an iTouch and we can't afford it so he just didn't want to do ANYTHING.  Then he decided that a small birthday dinner would be okay, so we invited a couple of close friends over, and a coworker and his family.  I pushed myself WAY too hard getting ready (shopping/cooking/cleaning), but it turned out okay.

 

Sunday was ... awful.  DH woke up with a toothache (this is not new ... he's needed to have some major dental work done for about a year but won't deal with it himself; he wants me to find the dentist and schedule everything and I'm just not.going.to.do.it.) so spent the day on the sofa in pain while I dealt with the kids, animals, etc., by myself.  No card, no flowers, no NOTHING.  I decided to take the kids with me to look for a car seat that afternoon and my car started acting weird.  I decided I'd drop it off at the mechanic the next morning.

 

I was pulling out of the driveway yesterday morning and the Check Engine light came on.  The car was running so bad that I was afraid to try to drive it the 30 miles to work/the repair shop.  So, had to borrow my mom's car, was late for work, and still had to figure out how to get the car to the shop (did it) and make my 37-week appointment/1st bpp of the week (didn't).  *sigh*  NOT how I wanted to spend the day ... plus I used up a little more of the benefit time I need for my maternity leave to be paid-time-off.

 

AND, dh told me yesterday that he will be off work June 1st-20th, which means no paycheck for nearly a month.  Yay.  Not his fault (he's a p/t welding instructor and that's summer break at the school) but soooo not what I wanted to hear when we're facing a car repair bill and unknown medical expenses.

 

ARGH!!!!!  (thanks for letting me vent ...)

post #23 of 127
Thread Starter 

@Heathenmom: That really sucks about your DH and car. I can't believe he won't schedule his own dentist appts! Although I can't say I'm surprised...mine asks me to schedule his cleanings and he's needed fillings done for...oh...about a year and he keeps chickening out. As iff!!! I told him to just get them done w/o the anesthetic, bc the needle is the only thing that actually hurts about the whole procedure but nooo...

 

@Jenni: Good point about the protein. I'm probably NOT eating enough. Like you, I'm a carboholic...and too cheap to eat meat unless I'm making a family meal...didn't realize that could affect growth, though. :(( I hope it's not too late to get things back on track...I feel so guilty.  That also sucks about your ex. hug2.gif Can you change your number or something so that he just can't get a hold of you anymore...kinda disappear? I wouldn't want a deadbeat in my kids' life, but it looks like you're a good fighter for your kids! Luckily, they are getting to the age where they can understand what's what, and realize that their dad is just not a good role model.

 

I took tomorrow and Thursday off work, so hopefully I will get the last of my "need to do before baby" projects done in case baby comes next week. The rest is gravy, IMO. I promised DH not to go into labour this week, though cause he's away all week on a business trip :( Come Saturday, though, I can get back to some cleaning and gardening. I really want to plant some salad veggies for the summer.  The weather has finally turned warm here. All week its supposed to be sunny and 20 degrees (C). Yay for summer!

post #24 of 127

Lidia, look into the Brewer diet. It's all about cheap protein. We did it last time with the Bradley method. I'm sort of doing it this time (but I'm vegan now). http://blueribbonbaby.org/  DS was over 9 lbs and I'm expecting another big baby.

 

It's supposed to be 90 degrees here today. Hopefully, we can make it through without me needing to turn on the ac. We're doing Power Smart pricing, so, if I'm going to run the air, I really need to "precool". I'm glad we did the garden stuff that needed done yesterday. Now, we'll see if my puny starts make it. If not, I'll be purchasing some from the farmer's market on Thurs.

 

I have a prenatal massage scheduled for tomorrow. I had a certificate for it, so that's exciting. I have one more certificate for one. I'll save that for a couple of weeks. I did one or 2 when I was pregnant with DS and they are amazing, probably more so last time, though, since I was waiting tables full time.

post #25 of 127
Thread Starter 

Bald Bull's Mama: Thanks for the link, I have printed out the guidelines and checklist and I am hoping that I am not starting too late to make a difference! I'm also going to get some protein powder to make shakes in the mornings/evenings. Hopefully, I can convince my midwife to let me continue eating more protein and to keep monitoring baby :)

post #26 of 127

Jenni I feel your pain.  I have an ex that works the same way.  He's a father only when it's convenient, or when he's trying to impress some woman with his stellar parenting skills.  He's gone months without calling the kids, months without seeing them.  Every once in awhile he'll call and tell me (not ask, but tell) that he'll be going back to 50/50 custody and will be changing the kids' schools.  Um no.  We have a court ordered custody agreement, and he's too lazy/uninterested to actually go to court to amend anything.  Nor do I think he can even handle being a part-time father at this point.  Anytime he DOES take the kids, he pawns them off on his parents overnight so he can go on dates with his most recent treat of the week.

 

The latest was him telling me that he wants to go back to split custody, but not until after my year of maternity leave because he knows he has "free daycare" during that year (I will be keeping the kids home this year and bussing them straight from my house rather than paying extra for daycare I don't need).  His only responsibility is paying half the daycare bill, which he does do when it's convenient to pay on time and he doesn't have any important purchases to make like an iPhone he doesn't need, or a $800 dog my son is allergic to.  He pays no child support.  So I guess he sees this as a good way to get out of contributing ANYTHING towards the kids' well-being this year.  He wants to go back to split custody after my mat. leave is up....and will probably expect me to pay HIM child support, as well (he's tried to get it before, even though I had primary physical custody....what a joke).

 

It's needlessly stressful to deal with this sort of BS, so I totally feel for you.  There are days I wish he'd just relinquish his parental rights and disappear.  It's so hard on the kids having this sporadic contact.  He's a hero to them just for showing up once or twice a month, but they're so sad about the broken promises (he tells them he's taking them, then doesn't show, he promises he'll call, and never ever does).  Sometimes I think they'd be better off if he'd just stop pretending to be a dad.

post #27 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Nikki~ View Post

Jenni I feel your pain.  I have an ex that works the same way.  He's a father only when it's convenient, or when he's trying to impress some woman with his stellar parenting skills.  He's gone months without calling the kids, months without seeing them.  Every once in awhile he'll call and tell me (not ask, but tell) that he'll be going back to 50/50 custody and will be changing the kids' schools.  Um no.  We have a court ordered custody agreement, and he's too lazy/uninterested to actually go to court to amend anything.  Nor do I think he can even handle being a part-time father at this point.  Anytime he DOES take the kids, he pawns them off on his parents overnight so he can go on dates with his most recent treat of the week.

 

The latest was him telling me that he wants to go back to split custody, but not until after my year of maternity leave because he knows he has "free daycare" during that year (I will be keeping the kids home this year and bussing them straight from my house rather than paying extra for daycare I don't need).  His only responsibility is paying half the daycare bill, which he does do when it's convenient to pay on time and he doesn't have any important purchases to make like an iPhone he doesn't need, or a $800 dog my son is allergic to.  He pays no child support.  So I guess he sees this as a good way to get out of contributing ANYTHING towards the kids' well-being this year.  He wants to go back to split custody after my mat. leave is up....and will probably expect me to pay HIM child support, as well (he's tried to get it before, even though I had primary physical custody....what a joke).

 

It's needlessly stressful to deal with this sort of BS, so I totally feel for you.  There are days I wish he'd just relinquish his parental rights and disappear.  It's so hard on the kids having this sporadic contact.  He's a hero to them just for showing up once or twice a month, but they're so sad about the broken promises (he tells them he's taking them, then doesn't show, he promises he'll call, and never ever does).  Sometimes I think they'd be better off if he'd just stop pretending to be a dad.


That last little bit that I bolded says it all. And that is why the judge gave me the authority to cut off my ex's contact with the kids if he wasn't being consistent. The judge wasn't stupid and he could see through the 13 months that we were in court fighting over custody that my ex was totally inconsistent. And the judge knew that to get anything modified would require more trips back to court, more time and money spent, and the whole time the kids get dragged through all of that. Ultimately, they're the ones that suffer with all this BS. My dad did the whole promising visits and never showing up thing. He'd say that my sister and I could go see him for (fill in school vacation here), he'd just have to check his schedule and get back to us. And then we wouldn't hear from him at all for 4 months, or 6 months. or a year. I absolutely know how hard that is to go through as a kid and it sucks. I was a teenager so at least I was old enough to realize that he was the one with the problem, not me. It's so much harder on young kids and they just internalize all of that rejection. It's so sad.

 

My kids haven't seen my ex in over 9 YEARS. They haven't talked to him in I don't even know how long until he randomly started calling a few weeks ago. I'm not sure what he hopes to accomplish with these phone calls and the threats to take me back to court. It just really makes me angry that he can't either commit to being a father 100% (visiting us here, paying child support, sending birthday & Christmas gifts, actively participating in their lives as much as possible) or just go away 100%. What is the point of this half-assed version of parenthood? I'm predicting that in another few weeks he'll get bored with the routine, or tired of it, or whatever and he'll vanish again. And It will be so hard on the kids. But I told them that they can decide if the want to talk to him or not, and so far they do. But along with that came a conversation about how he's done this in the past and he usually disappears after a while and I don't want them to think that they did anything wrong if that happens again. I HATE that I even have to say that to them, but if I don't say it and the ex stops calling, I know they'll think it was something they did. Ugh. This is totally frustrating and awful. I know my kids would be better off if my ex would just go away and stop his lame attempts at fatherhood once and for all.

 

I'm sorry that you and your kids are having to go through this kind of stuff too. It's just awful for everyone involved. :(

post #28 of 127

Nikki and Jenni - ((HUGS)) Deadbeat dads make me sick to my stomach. I'm so sorry that you and your kiddos are stuck dealing with this.

 

Lidia - I hope you can work with your midwife to try the protein and see if that helps. I hope that it does. I'd be very frustrated in your situation. I hope you're able to see some improvement and avoid the induction.

 

The DH labor stories were all kind of funny. My DH was actually pretty great during my labor and delivery with my son. He was very supportive of me. However, he and I are both more prepared this time around. We ended up with interventions and things we didn't want last time around. I don't think DH had the proper information and support to advocate for what we really needed/wanted and to realize that I was not really in my right mind when I agreed to certain things. I'm looking forward to this time because things are going to be so different. I think DH is going to be in a different role even because we were able to take a wonderful birth class this time around and I feel like he has great information to help out.

 

Had to laugh about the pie incident. Good God - men - hmmph - sometimes they just don't think! lol

post #29 of 127

Crystal, did you see any of where I talked abouty attending my friend's homebirth and how wonderful and inspiring it was? It was with Brande. You are going to be so happy with your experience, I just know it. If she wasn't full, I'd be lobbying DH hard for this. I'm a little envious.

post #30 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bald_Bull's_Mama View Post

Crystal, did you see any of where I talked abouty attending my friend's homebirth and how wonderful and inspiring it was? It was with Brande. You are going to be so happy with your experience, I just know it. If she wasn't full, I'd be lobbying DH hard for this. I'm a little envious.


I think I missed that post. Oh yay - I did see a home birth that she attended on her fb business page, so that was kind of cool. I'm really super excited about it. Well, as far as lobbying DH, there's always next time! ;)

 

I FINALLY ordered my birth pool just now. Nothing like waiting until the last minute. I just had a really hard time making up my mind! With this being a first natural birth, first home birth, and first water birth I think I've been overanalyzing everything - trying to make it all perfect somehow, KWIM?

 

post #31 of 127

We're having a big thunderstorm! Yay! I love big storms. I'm super tired all of a sudden tonight. I think I'll take some mag since my legs feel twitchy, find a book I haven't read many times, and curl up in bed and listen to the rain. :)

post #32 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lidamama84 View Post

So I decided to start up a new chat thread for this week, as per all your suggestions. I think the first one is 7 or 8 pages!!!

 

I have to say how surprised I am that we don't have any Junebabies yet! I just popped over to the May forum and it seems like everyone has or is having their babies.

 


 

nope. not everyone =___= it feels that way though! i think there's like 163 babies due and about 30 have come so far. 

although i'm not REALLY disappointed...i still have 2 weeks til my due date and i am pretty stressed out and have stuff left to do so we'll see...

have any babies been born yet for june?!

post #33 of 127

Jenni-  I would think the amount of time he has been out of their lives would make him looks so bad any judge would put him in his place really quick.  I have no clue where the hearing would be held but if neither of you live in Oregon anymore I am pretty sure it wouldn't be there.  Usually what ever county you reside in is where its held but seeing as you guys live so far from each other I am not sure.  It would either go by who filed, or they may look at how you are the one with the kids and shouldn't have to travel.  Then again, I remember a friend of mine having to take her ex to court over her kid but one lived in texas, the other in tennessee.  Their lawyers did all the talking through phone confrencing and such and neither had to actually travel.  Maybe it would go that way.

 

Either way, sorry you are having to deal with a guy like that.  Who knows, maybe he will lose interest again before he even goes through with the filing anything in court.  I think he was probably just all talk and knows how bad of a dad he looks at this point.  Hope it all turns out well with you and your kids.  I hope it doesn't confuse them too much him popping in and out like that.  My SIL's ex does that, every few yrs pop back in (this last time because he got a new GF) and actually started getting them on the weekends and paying support.  He lost interest after 6 months and decided he is moving out of state though and has stopped getting them and no longer paying support.  Her kids handle it well since every time they were there, he ignored them and basically his mother spend all the time with them anyway so they said they dont care.

 

 

 

So, are any of you mamas experiencing any gearing up type physical stuff, body changes, etc like losing bits of mucus, increased BH contrax, either sudden increase energy or the opposite fatigue, crazy nesting, relief of heartburn because maybe baby dropped or moved down a bit, or anything?  Any new changes at all?  We are getting so close!

post #34 of 127

I've definitely dropped, but I still have 6 weeks to go, likely longer. It's nice to be able to sit more comfortably and breathe easier. I'm peeing a lot more and getting a lot more punches to the cervix in exchange, though.

post #35 of 127

I did something fun today. Had some time to kill between DD's dance class and my MW appointment, so I went to the supermarket and picked out a bunch of snacks to take to the birth centre. I got pretzels, fruity biscuity bar things, mini chocolate bars, roast salted peanuts, crackers... not the healthiest perhaps, and hopefully I'll have the presence of mind when labour starts to grab some fruit and cheese as well, but it should make the atmosphere a bit more festive. For DD and DH, anyway - judging by last time, I probably won't want to eat. Oh well, I can gobble up the leftovers afterwards.

 

Met the backup MW today. She was lovely - actually, I think I click with her better than my "real" MW. Guess I can hope the baby's born on her week off! :p We discussed refusing VEs and she said that both she and my other MW very rarely do them - never routinely, and only after consulting with me if they felt there was a real clinical need. So that was nice to know. She seemed pretty taken with DD too... who then, of course, threw a tantrum because she didn't want to go home. Sigh.

post #36 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bald_Bull's_Mama View Post

I've definitely dropped, but I still have 6 weeks to go, likely longer. It's nice to be able to sit more comfortably and breathe easier. I'm peeing a lot more and getting a lot more punches to the cervix in exchange, though.


This is me too. The constant peeing is driving me insane! I also feel like my pelvic bone feels achy every now and then. I've never felt that before. I wonder if things are starting to shift around down there a bit or maybe it's just the constant pressure of a little head nestling in down there.

 

I might have had 1 or 2 BH. I don't know. I didn't have them at all with DS. There were a couple of times where I thought maybe I felt a BH. Obviously it wasn't terribly bad if I'm not even sure that's what it was! 

 

I've been psychologically nesting. In other words, I'm stressed about all of the nesting that I want to do, but am too tired to do by the end of the daycare day! Somehow I guess the major things will get done and everything else, well, oh well!

 

post #37 of 127
So I know that we were talking about not having any early birds yesterday... I spent the whole afternoon and evening having regular contractions some as close as 4 minutes apart. faint.gif
I was able to sleep some last night and am at work today(for now lol.gif). Our Midwife doesn't seem to be too worried at this point because I will be 37 weeks on Sunday. We will see, I have not had any that were to intense that I could not talk through them but there were some that spread across my back and I could feel the baby pushing on my pelvic floor. We are so not ready lol.gif After all of this I probably will go 42+ weeks...
post #38 of 127

I'm noticing way more pressure on my cervix and bladder than I had a few weeks ago. And sometimes it's extra noticable, like yesterday when I was putting clean sheets on my bed. For whatever reason, any time I leaned forward to tuck part of a sheet under the mattress there was a TON of pressure on my cervix that actually took my breath away. I couldn't not make my bed though so I just sucked it up and finished making the bed. And then I had to lay down for a little bit. lol

 

I also feel like I've been having more discharge than usual. I wouldn't classify it as mucous, but it's still fairly thick and there's a lot of it. And I'm in the boat with multiple BMs a day as well. It seems like my body is starting to gear up for labor. I'm 35 weeks today so it's a little early for actual labor yet. It's interesting to see what my body is doing and it will be neat to look back after baby is born to see the patterns that developed and how they contributed to the labor and birth. I'm my own research study! lol

post #39 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by sharita View Post

So, are any of you mamas experiencing any gearing up type physical stuff, body changes, etc like losing bits of mucus, increased BH contrax, either sudden increase energy or the opposite fatigue, crazy nesting, relief of heartburn because maybe baby dropped or moved down a bit, or anything?  Any new changes at all?  We are getting so close!


Yeah, pretty much all of the above, except I haven't seen my mucus plug, and the nesting seems to have gone away - just lazy now. Lots of cramping on and off, especially at night. Feel like I dropped more than two weeks ago, I know that's not supposed to happen with a second baby. I was 3 cm dilated and 80% effaced almost two weeks ago. I'm full-term now so could be anytime. DS was born at 37 weeks so I'm kind of expecting it soon, though I don't feel ready yet.
post #40 of 127
Quote:
Originally Posted by swimming-duck 

 

 

I've been psychologically nesting. In other words, I'm stressed about all of the nesting that I want to do, but am too tired to do by the end of the daycare day! Somehow I guess the major things will get done and everything else, well, oh well!

 



This is soooo me!  I am stressing daily on all the stuff that needs to be done and how messy things are an things I need to go through and should have done by now etc, but for some reason and way more tired that I feel I should be.  I know it's tiring being at this stage of pregnancy but I think its more than that like low iron or something.  I can barely get up tp get myself something to eat.  I have to bargin with myself like "How hungry are you really?"  Of course with a 16 month old to chase, I still can't get the rest I need but bless his little heart he wakes up early, climbs in bed with me and we both sleep till 10 every daynow.  (when you can't fall asleep till 4 though its not much.)

 

So, I just have been mentally nesting going over my to-do list over and over and over as if that were the chore itself, haha.

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