Pregnancy After Loss (PAL) January 2012 - Page 2

[Milly_P]

As I said earlier, I have dealt with the tragedy of losing one baby through an early miscarriage, and also the death of our beautiful son, stillborn from a cord accident. While the miscarriage was so sad and such a heartbreaking event, holding our son's beautiful but lifeless body in the hospital, because of a freak accident with his cord, was tragedy and horror I never want to go through again. If I lose this baby, I hope it's soon. I wouldn't take back the experience my husband and I had with our precious son who died last year, but I also would never want to go through it again, given the choice (obviously). I had really bad cramping Friday night after our first ob visit. I thought, for sure, that it was done and I would miscarry this past weekend. But the next day I had really strong nausea, no cramping, and I've been really nauseous since. First u/s is scheduled for next Friday, when I'll be about 7.5 weeks along. I am still just trying to be grateful for every moment I'm pregnant, but after our son was stillborn so close to term, there are no more "safety milestones" for us anymore. The only thing I'll feel if I make it past the first trimester is that I'm out of the woods for having an early miscarriage. Unfortunately, my experience doesn't allow me the luxury of a sigh of relief.
 

Originally Posted by someonenamedleah 

I hope it's ok if I post here... I posted on the pg after loss board as well.  I have a 10 year old DD, from my first marriage, no problems conceiving her or with that pg.  DH and I had some known fertility issues, TTC for a while (starting in earnest in June 2007) and quickly sought out an RE.  After a few IUIs, IVF was recommended as our best shot.  We decided to pursue adoption instead.  Shortly after our homestudy was complete, I had a surprise pregnancy which ended in an early miscarriage...that was in July 2008.  Then I became pregnant AGAIN which resulted in the stillbirth of our son Stephen Ali, due to cord accident at 40 weeks.   

[someonenamedleah]

As I said earlier, I have dealt with the tragedy of losing one baby through an early miscarriage, and also the death of our beautiful son, stillborn from a cord accident. While the miscarriage was so sad and such a heartbreaking event, holding our son's beautiful but lifeless body in the hospital, because of a freak accident with his cord, was tragedy and horror I never want to go through again. If I lose this baby, I hope it's soon. I wouldn't take back the experience my husband and I had with our precious son who died last year, but I also would never want to go through it again, given the choice (obviously). I had really bad cramping Friday night after our first ob visit. I thought, for sure, that it was done and I would miscarry this past weekend. But the next day I had really strong nausea, no cramping, and I've been really nauseous since. First u/s is scheduled for next Friday, when I'll be about 7.5 weeks along. I am still just trying to be grateful for every moment I'm pregnant, but after our son was stillborn so close to term, there are no more "safety milestones" for us anymore. The only thing I'll feel if I make it past the first trimester is that I'm out of the woods for having an early miscarriage. Unfortunately, my experience doesn't allow me the luxury of a sigh of relief.

I know exactly what you mean... I'm feeling "unpregnant" right now, after being pretty nauseous last week. I hope everything is ok, but a part of me is like, "oh well, better to get it over with sooner, rather than later". I am really worried about how I'm going to be able to handle the rest of this pregnancy (however long it may last).

Good luck with your u/s next week. Mine is on the 31st.

[shockels]

Well I scheduled my first ultrasound for June 3rd. I'll be 6 weeks 3 days if I make it that far. I don't see any point in making a normal prenatal appointment before I find out if this is going to stick around or not. I hate this pessimist side of me, but it seems important to protect myself from being too invested. I'm not sure if pretending like I'm not pregnant is the most healthy thing emotionally, but it's keeping me sane right now. These boards are the only place I can admit there's something real about it all.

Leah and Milly I'm sorry for your losses. I hope these little beans stick stick stick!

[Michelle0522]

Thank you for posting this thread. I was originally in the Jan 12' DDC, however, I had a miscarriage last week at 5 wks, 3 days (blighted ovum). I hope to start trying again very soon once my period comes back. I hope to join this thread soon, good luck ladies:)

[someonenamedleah]

Originally Posted by Michelle0522 

Thank you for posting this thread. I was originally in the Jan 12' DDC, however, I had a miscarriage last week at 5 wks, 3 days (blighted ovum). I hope to start trying again very soon once my period comes back. I hope to join this thread soon, good luck ladies:)

Originally Posted by shockels 

Well I scheduled my first ultrasound for June 3rd. I'll be 6 weeks 3 days if I make it that far. I don't see any point in making a normal prenatal appointment before I find out if this is going to stick around or not. I hate this pessimist side of me, but it seems important to protect myself from being too invested. I'm not sure if pretending like I'm not pregnant is the most healthy thing emotionally, but it's keeping me sane right now. These boards are the only place I can admit there's something real about it all.

Leah and Milly I'm sorry for your losses. I hope these little beans stick stick stick!

Your ultrasound is just a few days after mine... I should be 7 weeks 3 days then by lmp, but I think a little less by O day.  I'm kind of in a bit of denial as well... DH and I don't talk about it at all, and no one else IRL knows.  I say, when it comes to PAL, we do whatever we have to do to stay sane, kwim???

[Kindermama]

I just had a ultrasound today (7w4d) that was scheduled last week after some minor spotting. I was worried then but as the date approached (and the spotting stopped), I knew everything was all good and sure enough it was!  We saw our baby! It had a heartbeat of 138 and she gave me a due date of January 5th but I'm just going to stick with the 6th. We have a few pictures...it actually looks human....head, body, arm buds & leg buds. We saw the long cord (so cool), the heart beating (awesome!), the yolk sac and what appears to be only one baby! Yay! I had absolutely no anxiety about the appointment today---so amazing how mother intuition is so clear. With my miscarriage, I just knew I wasn't going to see the baby.

Edited by Kindermama - 5/24/11 at 7:44pm

[mariacm]

Originally Posted by Kindermama 

I just had a ultrasound today (7w4d) that was scheduled last week after some minor spotting. I was worried then but as the date approached (and the spotting stopped), I knew everything was all good and sure enough it was!  We saw our baby! It had a heartbeat of 130 and she gave me a due date of January 5th but I'm just going to stick with the 6th. We have a few pictures...it actually looks human....head, body, arm buds & leg buds. We saw the long cord (so cool), the heart beating (awesome!), the yolk sac and what appears to be only one baby! Yay! I had absolutely no anxiety about the appointment today---so amazing how mother intuition is so clear. With my miscarriage, I just knew I wasn't going to see the baby.

Yay Kindermama!  So happy for you!  =)

AFM, I also had a sono today!  We hadn't had any spotting or anything, just paranoia from the m/c.  I've been nauseas for a few weeks now so I guess that's a good sign anyway.  We just wanted the sono for the reassurance of seeing the HB and confirming dates.
I calculated 8w0d, they told me 8w1d, so that's fine with me either way.  They saw a heartbeat at 173, a clear yolk sac, fetal pole, great placenta forming... they couldn't see baby details (maybe different machine?) but said everything looked really good for this gestational age.  DH and I were so happy and relieved.  =)  Now we feel like we can tell family, so maybe this weekend we will when we see them.

[Kindermama]

Originally Posted by mariacm 

Yay Kindermama!  So happy for you!  =)

Likewise!!! What a relief, right! :) 

[danamichele]

Michelle, I'm so sorry!  :(((((  We've all been there and we know how hard it is.  My thoughts are with you.  Take time to grieve.  Good luck TTC again; it happened for us really quickly and I hope it does for you as well!

Yay, Kindermama and mariacm! 

I have a better feeling about this one, as well, and my ultrasound is Thursday at 8w4d. I hope it's good news and I can get more excited about it then.  For now I'm just feeling so sick with a bad cold that won't go away, plus all the early pregnancy symptoms, plus chasing around a very active toddler that won't sleep.  Ugh.   

--Dana

[someonenamedleah]

Hooray Kindermama and mariacm! That's awesome news!!!!
 

Originally Posted by danamichele 

I have a better feeling about this one, as well, and my ultrasound is Thursday at 8w4d. I hope it's good news and I can get more excited about it then.  For now I'm just feeling so sick with a bad cold that won't go away, plus all the early pregnancy symptoms, plus chasing around a very active toddler that won't sleep.  Ugh.   

--Dana

How did it go today Dana???

AFM, I'm just incredibly, ridiculously exhausted.  All I can think about is wanting to go back to bed.  Luckily, I've been able to get a nap in the past couple of days!

[shockels]

Kindermam and mariacm that is wonderful news!!!! Oh congratulations on those ultrasounds. I know it's not proof positive of anything but it must feel so great!

Dana....would love to hear how your scan went as well. Sending positive thoughts your way.

So next week is our big week huh Leah? My ultrasound is fri and I must admit it's getting harder to forget about it. I'm moving more into the obsess mode. How am I going to pass these next 7 days arrrrrrgg?! Plus I'm still sick sick sick with this terrible cold so it's not like I have even work to distract me. Deep breath!

[danamichele]

Hi ladies-- I had a great ultrasound!  Our little bean is 2 cm long with a heartbeat of 160.  Yeah!  I'm feeling pretty good about this and I'm finally starting to think into the future.  We still haven't made the big announcement yet, though.

[purplefish]

Loving the ultrasound updates :)

I had a nine week miscarriage in late march and I am now 7-8 weeks. So I am hoping to keep myself busy but relaxed the next couple of weeks. I am  not planning on getting am ultrasound until 12 weeks.

I feel very well. I'm eating lots of eggs which I think is helping keep my progesterone levels up as I'm very bloated. I'm nervous but optimistic but have a strange urge to buy some maternity clothes. I'm not planning on telling friends and family until its obvious but I'm so bloated ......

[StephM76]

Hi everyone!

I'm Stephanie. I had an early loss due to a blighted ovum January of this year. My due date is right around the time I had my loss, so it might help me get through that day.

I also am having trouble feeling attached. We had an ultrasound on Thursday that showed a baby measuring perfectly with a great heartbeat, but I still just don't believe everything is ok. I think I am being so negative so if anything does go wrong I won't be as crushed as I was last time. I never realized how much I took for granted my other healthy pregnancies. Now I'm thankful for every day I have nausea or no spotting. I have another ultrasound on June 15 and I am already anxious-hoping that we hear that heartbeat again.

[shockels]

Welcome Stephanie and congratulations on your ultrasound! How far along are you? I know exactly what you mean by protecting yourself. It makes perfect sense to me. June 15th will hopefully be here before you know it.

I'm still having trouble being patient and calm until Friday when I'll have my first ultrasound. I'll be 6 weeks 3 days then and I hope against hope to see a little heartbeat. I must say I'm feeling a little down about it today because I haven't had any nausea yet and usually that starts the middle of the fifth week for me. *sigh*

[danamichele]

(Downer alert)

There are just no guarantees in life.  The older I get the more I realize that.  Now that I'm finally starting to feel more excited about this pregnancy, I just learned that a friend of mine lost her baby at term.  She was due any day and her baby died unexpectedly.  I think for myself, getting past the date of my previous miscarriage was a big accomplishment and I felt relieved afterward.  But this just goes to show how precious and fragile human life is.  There is no magic "safe point," which is why I worry about my toddler all the time, too, and even my husband.  My thoughts and prayers go out to my friend.  And I hope our stories have happy endings!

(If anyone who's experienced a late loss has any advice on how I can be a good friend now, I'd appreciate some suggestions.)

--Dana

[ablepearl]

I am so sorry for her loss.  Mine was at 24 weeks, so not as late but still in the 'stillbirth ' range.  You are so right.  I will feel better when I get to 25 weeks, partly because if I feel like something is wrong, baby would have a chance on the outside, but it is no guarantee that I will take a baby home.

A friend sent me an angel from this organization, it meant a lot to me.  If they are not religious, or don't like angels, you can send a butterfly or a smile.  http://www.angelsforhope.org/

Letting her talk if she needs to and just being there is good.  I didn't like receiving flowers much, because when they died I had to throw them away and that was upsetting.  I did receive a flowering plant, and I loved that because it was alive :D

[someonenamedleah]

Originally Posted by danamichele 

(Downer alert)

There are just no guarantees in life.  The older I get the more I realize that.  Now that I'm finally starting to feel more excited about this pregnancy, I just learned that a friend of mine lost her baby at term.  She was due any day and her baby died unexpectedly.  I think for myself, getting past the date of my previous miscarriage was a big accomplishment and I felt relieved afterward.  But this just goes to show how precious and fragile human life is.  There is no magic "safe point," which is why I worry about my toddler all the time, too, and even my husband.  My thoughts and prayers go out to my friend.  And I hope our stories have happy endings!

(If anyone who's experienced a late loss has any advice on how I can be a good friend now, I'd appreciate some suggestions.)

--Dana

I'm so sorry for your friend's loss.  Ugh.  I think bringing over food is really helpful... I didn't want to cook or eat for a while, but I had a husband and kid who needed fed.  My best friend came over and hung out with me a lot after my husband went back to work, just to keep me company and kind of help take my mind off things and help with basic stuff...I really wasn't functioning too well for a while.  Don't be afraid afraid to bring up her baby and talk about him or her.  Realize she might want to distance herself from you just because you're pg (sorry, I was like that.  I hated and resented all pg people.)  Don't ever say "everything happens for a reason" even when talking about something completely unrelated.  Ummmm, remember baby's birthday and send her a card or even a phone call on that day forever.  Because no one else probably will. 
 

[Milly_P]

This website is very helpful for those dealing with the death of baby, whether their own or someone else's: www.babylosscomfort.com/what-do-i-say 

Leah, how was your u/s?

had my ultrasound last friday and it went well, fortunately. The ultrasound machine looked like the first one ever made, so could hardly see anything, but we did see a heart beating, so that was enough for me.

[danamichele]

Thanks, ladies, for the helpful advice.  And I'm so sorry that you have experienced such losses as well.  :(  Yes, I was afraid that being pregnant might put some distance between us.  And from my own miscarriage, which I'm sure is a very different experience from a stillbirth/infant death (I still don't know what happened exactly), I sure know that a lot of people say the WRONG things!  It will be helpful to have some good words.  Oh, and I agree on the flowers thing, too.  When I miscarried I got (myself) an orchid plant to remember by rather than fresh flowers for that very reason.

I recently found out who is organizing meal support for her, so I'm glad I can help with that, at least, until she's ready to face the world again.  I suspect that once things settle down she may feel really alone and perhaps I can help at that time (unless the pregnancy thing gets in the way). 
 

Thanks again for some great resources and great ideas!  I like Angels for Hope idea as well.  She would appreciate that.

On another note, I had my first real doctor's appointment (which I put up on an Appointment Updates thread in case people want to update there) and things are looking good here.  I wasn't expecting to hear the heartbeat yet (9w3d then), but we did.  It was so wonderful!  Way more uplifting for me than the ultrasound, even (but Milly, we must have had the same machine!).  I'm starting to get excited and think more into the future now.  I'm really looking forward to that first movement and a little baby bump!

--Dana