PDD-NOS and middle school

[jengaroo01]

My daughter has pdd-nos and is finishing her 1st year of middle school, she is 12.  It has gone pretty well, she does great with her academics but not so great socially. Seems no matter how hard she tries, no one will accept her as a friend.  She keeps looking to me for advice/answers but I'm out. I've tried all I can think of.  She is so sad.  I know kids are mean (especially girls) at this age.

I wish there was a way to find other girls (especially if there are any in her school) who have PDD-NOS or Aspergers, but I think that is probably all private information so I wouldn't be able to get it.  I think she would benefit greatly from a friend in the same boat.  My heart breaks for her especially when I see her crying and so sad. In elementary school kids were slightly more accepting of her "quirks" ie;  talking loud, interupting, getting easliy frustrated.  Now kids have no patience for any of those things.  She is so bright, sweet and kind.  All she wants is friends and I feel helpless as I haven't been able to help her and "make it all better" as Moms are supposed to do.  Is there anyone out there who has gone through a similar situation?  I'm open to any suggestions.  Thanks.

[amj'smommy]

no advice but I couldn't just read and not respond :( my heart breaks for your dd... my ds#1 will be 11 in July( he's PDD/NOS as well) and will start Middle sch in the fall and I'm super worried for all the same reasons you've posted! Have you tslked to the sch's guidance councelor and or sch psychologist to see what they might suggest? does she have any friends from the elementary school who go there?

[jengaroo01]

The school, as you may have already experienced isn't really worried about her social life.  I've tried numerous times and spoken with the counselor and psychologist and they can't tell me enough how wondeful she is and how she is doing great and she is so sweet....etc....

At our last 504 meeting (we were demoted from our IEP) they tried to demote us from her 504!!  My husband almost blew a gasket and we did keep it.  Her primary class teacher kept telling us that she is fine and there isn't anything wrong with our daughter!!  We couldn't believe it. It was like they didn't want to be bothered.

[jengaroo01]

Also, we live on "the line" of where the town divides the kids to the 2 middle school.  Most of her "friends" went to the other school.

She has tried to call a few of them but hasn't gotten a very good response. 

[Kathy Durkee]

Your story sounds like mine.  My daughter is 12 also and we just received a diagnosis of PDD-NOS.  We adopted her from Siberia when she was 4 so we knew there would be some issues. We have always been told it was her past, her birth moms drinking, etc. They say she has more "institutionalized  autism".  She is starting to have a harder time as she gets older as far as piers. Adults and little kids love her, her best friends are about 9 years old. Its the kids her own age she has problems with.  They don"t get her.  She seems so "normal" but has quirky ways, can be loud and bossy, does not know how to fit in, can not read others and has no idea if they want her to leave them alone. We are in the process of starting a social issue class when school starts back up and she goes to a psycologist  also.  She really is good hearted and loves life but I worry about other kids and school as she gets older.  They are starting to make fun of her and talk about her but she is clueless right now.  What state do you live in?  We are in TN.  You can contact me privately  at [e-mail] if you would like to talk further.

Kathy 

[jengaroo01]

Kathy....your daughter sounds alot like mine.  She has those same traits.  She can be bossy, loud, quirky, and in your face but she just doesn't get the social aspect of what is acceptable and what isn't.  We've done social skills classes, have a psychatrist, and do all the things we are told but in reality, even after doing all we can, at the end of the day she still doesn't have any friends.  She keeps asking me why and it is heartbreaking.  I try to give her "advice" on being a bit quieter, and listen more, don't interrupt etc....but I don't want to shoot her down as her self esteem is already pretty low.  It is a battle for sure but we won't give up.  I pray every night that she will find that one perfect friend who will like and accept her for who she is.  Girls are a tough bunch, especially at this age.  They are so judgemental.  I wish there was a way to educate these kids about the Autism spectrum, but even then I don't know if it would help them be more understanding.....I could only hope.

So don't give up and keep plugging along.  Being supportive of our kids is one of the best things we can do for them.