PDD-NOS and Middle School Kids

[jengaroo01]

My daughter has pdd-nos and is finishing her 1st year of middle school, she is 12.  It has gone pretty well, she does great with her academics but not so great socially. Seems no matter how hard she tries, no one will accept her as a friend.  She keeps looking to me for advice/answers but I'm out. I've tried all I can think of.  She is so sad.  I know kids are mean (especially girls) at this age.

I wish there was a way to find other girls (especially if there are any in her school) who have PDD-NOS or Aspergers, but I think that is probably all private information so I wouldn't be able to get it.  I think she would benefit greatly from a friend in the same boat.  My heart breaks for her especially when I see her crying and so sad. In elementary school kids were slightly more accepting of her "quirks" ie;  talking loud, interupting, getting easliy frustrated, hand flapping.  Now kids have no patience for any of those things.  She is so bright, sweet and kind.  All she wants is friends and I feel helpless as I haven't been able to help her and "make it all better" as Moms are supposed to do.  Is there anyone out there who has gone through a similar situation?  I'm open to any suggestions.  Thanks.

[Linda on the move]

Social skills class.

It may be difficult to find so you need to do your homework, and it may be expensive and our insurance didn't pay BUT it was really wonderful and helpful.  Not only DD my DD learn skills to use in all interactions, she made a couple of friends. The other parents were super and also in the same boat, so were very open to scheduling time for the kids together outside of class and play board games/eat pizza/etc.

We found one through a center for autism, and none of the kids in the class were in full time school there. All were in attended different schools. The kids in her class were all high functioning with DX's like PDD-NOS or Asperger's.

They had practice conversations, learned to deal with different situations, worked on picking up on social cues, etc.

Being 12 was about the most difficult age for my DD so far, and at 14 she is doing much, much better.

[Chell9RN]

Sounds a lot like my story.  My daughter is 11 and starting middle school this year.  I am so completely worried.  I have a sinking feeling that she will not be able to remember everything.  She use to have a helper in elementary school and she didn't want a helper this year starting middle school.  She felt like it would embarass her right at the start.  I pray every day that she will be fine and remember everything she needs to.  Just wish there was more on this subject, because middle school is hard on everyone but I think it may be especially hard for these kids.  Praying tha things work out these next few weeks.

[RiverTam]

A mixed age group hobby might help her.There's a lot of social pressure on kids to conform at school at that age, but they're often more accepting outside a school context, especially when the quirky kid shares an interest or hobby or sport.

I'm not on the spectrum, but I had few friends at school at that age. I had some good friends through my swim team, though.  I'm still friends with those kids today. (We practiced 5 days a week for 1-2 hours. Add in the time it takes to get dressed afterwards and frequent meets, and we were together a lot.)

I'm taking DS#1 (who is 8 and was recently diagnosed with HFA) to an improv theater class, gymnastics through the Little Gym, and karate at our local community center. He has made some  friends there.

Music can be great for ASD kids, too. We have some adapted guitar classes (4-5 kids) in our area.

[FarmerBeth]

Originally Posted by RiverTam 

A mixed age group hobby might help her.There's a lot of social pressure on kids to conform at school at that age, but they're often more accepting outside a school context, especially when the quirky kid shares an interest or hobby or sport.

I'm not on the spectrum, but I had few friends at school at that age. I had some good friends through my swim team, though.  I'm still friends with those kids today. (We practiced 5 days a week for 1-2 hours. Add in the time it takes to get dressed afterwards and frequent meets, and we were together a lot.)

I'm taking DS#1 (who is 8 and was recently diagnosed with HFA) to an improv theater class, gymnastics through the Little Gym, and karate at our local community center. He has made some  friends there.

Music can be great for ASD kids, too. We have some adapted guitar classes (4-5 kids) in our area.

My experience is that this sort of thing helped a lot.  DS is 11, and this was a tricky year between his own social difficulties and the kids being older and less tolerant.  He had social skill classes, and they helped, but the organized social outings that were another part of the social skills program  helped even more.  There was swimming and community volunteering activities, and he was with kids in the same boat.  What helped even more was getting involved in a young entrepreneurs program and an outdoor leadership program.  There was more tolerance for the quirkiness because he was good at these activities and really liked them, so he was more positive to be around than at school.  He at least made some acquaintances through these activities, even though he didn't gain close friends.  It was enough for him not to feel too lonely.

[chiefmir]

The school can't share other childrens' diagnoses with you, but maybe you could speak to someone and ask them for help/give them a suggestion. In the school I work in, the school counselor and the special education director work together to plan groups for children of various ages.  The counselor does all the actual teaching/group leading, but she is given support by the special education department when there are kids with IEPs/504 plans or other more challenging issues. The groups are put together based on what the kids need-- not based on diagnosis or not...so one group may be called "friendship group" and involve 4th and 5th grade students who may include kids who are diagnosed with ADHD, PDD, HFA, depression, no diagnois but extremely shy, etc.