How to get over the hump with night time potty training?--nearly 5 year olds

[jilson41]

Hello All,

I have 4 1/2 year old twins.  They've been daytime potty trained since age 3, but we're not even close on night time.  DD2 has never had a dry diaper at night and DS has maybe woken up dry 4 times in the past year.  How do I get them over the hump?  I've heard some say it's physiological and to wait it out, but this seems pretty old to me.  DD1 was night time potty trained within months of daytime.

We've discussed rewards, but they just don't seem motivated at all.

We're planning some camping trips this summer and I really don't want to be dealing with stinky pull ups.

I've thought of just putting them to bed diaperless, but dealing with two wetting the bed ...  I'm not so sure I want to take that on.

Any words of wisdom?

Thanks,

Jill

[swd12422]

No words of wisdom, other than what someone else told me when I posed the question, and that was, "It'll happen when they're ready."

DS has been dry at night for months (dry all day for over a year) and still wants to wear diapers. He has only been wet a few times over the past several months. He seemed excited to be out of diapers at night, but the first time we put him in underwear, he peed. He woke up in the middle of the night crying, and hasn't wanted to try since. Til Saturday night, when he stayed at my mom's. Then he wore his underwear to bed, woke up dry and was very proud of himself. Last night he wanted a diaper and today he has already chosen the diaper he wants to wear tonight!

So yeah, I think it there is definitely a physiological component that you need to wait for, but there is also a mental readiness that DS apparently doesn't have just yet.

IDK if this helps, but know that I'm sympathizing!

[squimp]

I agree - it will happen when they're ready.  I think my DD was almost 6.  

[Peony]

It is definitely physically, they are either dry at night or they aren't. Night time dryness can not be taught. I have a 4.5 year that SOAKS a diaper every night, to the point where she has to wear the diapers for older children who still pee at night. I also have another child who was dry at age 2 at night. They are all so different. 

[jilson41]

Thank you all for your replies.  I guess I just need to be patient...sigh.

Also, I don't know how I missed the thread below on the same subject, but the msg is pretty much the same--it'll happen when they're ready.

http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1310894/night-dryness-laziness-or-not-ready

Jill

[sunnygir1]

Yes, I vote to keep them in diapers -- much easier to wash diapers than all of the bedding.  They'll get there.

My dd was out of diapers during the day just after turning 2, and her best friend was close behind her.  Her friend, however, was dry at night FIRST, and then during the day a few months later.  Dd turned 4 in February and is still wetting heavily most every night with the occasional dry morning.

I really think it's normal for some kids and there isn't anything you can do about it.

[LynnS6]

My son was 7 1/2, nearly 8 before he was ready. My daughter was 2 1/2 when she ditched the diapers. My niece wet the bed until she was 11 1/2.

I did suspect ds of 'laziness' for about 6 months before I actually had the courage to go without nighttime protection. I could smell that he was going in his Goodnights before he went to sleep and/or right after he got up (he wouldn't smell like urine when he got up, and then he would 10 minutes later). If that's the case with either of your children, you might try going a few nights without protection. If they wet, then they're not ready. Personally, I'm not willing to change sheets more than once a week!

[chattyprincess]

I guess I will be the voice of insanity here. Dd was almost 4 and was not night time trained. She just didn't seem to get it. She had been day trained since 2 and never had accidents so I was just hoping against hope it would work to night train. It seemed more or less that she was urinating in the morning right before waking up. So basically waht she was doing is not wanting to get out of bed or not fully awake yet...one of the two.  I stopped putting pullups on her and would remind her before bed to wake up and call for us at night if she needed to pee.I did not put underwear on her either thinking that she might mistake the feel of something down there as a diaper. I would take her to the bathroom before I went to bed (around 11) she had an accident the first 2 nights at about 4 am but was find after that she would randomly have an accident  after that but just got better and better. It was almost like she needed to realize that the sensation of being wet and the feeling in her body of needing to pee were the same thing. She is fine now a year later and only has an accident once every few months.

[MelW]

For my oldest daughter, cutting out dairy made the difference. We were still having 2-3 nights of wetness at 4.5 when I finally figured out that the occasional traces of dairy in her diet was the common culprit. I got stricter on the dairy (knew she had an allergy but was ignoring trace amounts) and she started being dry in the mornings.

I mention it because I've heard of dairy being an issue for orthers, too...

[BubbleMa]

Originally Posted by MelW 

For my oldest daughter, cutting out dairy made the difference. We were still having 2-3 nights of wetness at 4.5 when I finally figured out that the occasional traces of dairy in her diet was the common culprit. I got stricter on the dairy (knew she had an allergy but was ignoring trace amounts) and she started being dry in the mornings.

I mention it because I've heard of dairy being an issue for orthers, too...

That's interesting.  Care to elaborate?

My DSD will be 5 in August and still pees at night.  It's harder for us, because we have her infrequently.  I know for a fact her mom yells and spanks when she has accidents at home, so I'm sure that's making it much worse.  Anyway, when she's here she doesn't wear diapers.  We have this waterproof mattress pad that we put on whatever bed she sleeps in.  It's similar to this one, but smaller.  I figure she'll eventually get tired of being wet and stinky and start getting up to go the bathroom.  I'm hoping that over the summer (when we have them for more than a week at a time) we can really get this under control. 

[mazajo]

My DS is 5 and 1/2 (6 in Sept) and very rarely stays dry through the night. I've always believed it happens when they are ready, but sometimes it's hard to be patient. My DS loves to drink water right before bed and I'm sure that contributes to the nighttime wetness, but how do you deny water if he's thirsty? It's good to read this thread and see that at least my son isn't abnormal!

[MelW]

Originally Posted by BubbleMa 

That's interesting.  Care to elaborate?

We have known that she has a dairy allergy since she was a baby, but as she was older we had allowed small amounts of dairy back into her diet because the reactions were minor (tiny amounts of eczema, dandruff, etc.). Mostly it would be things like eating a muffin at a coffee shop, or a small piece of birthday cake or something. It was another MDC mama who mentioned that her child finally stopped wetting the bed at night when they eliminated dairy. Other allergies are sometimes related, but for whatever reason there seems to be a correlation between dairy and bedwetting. I've since talked to a few other parents of allergic kids (or even kids who didn't have allergy symptoms) who found that dairy was the culprit for late bedwetting.

So I paid attention, and sure enough the days that she had dairy she almost inevitably wet the bed. We were really strict about no dairy and finally got rid of the night-time diapers at 4 1/2. For a few months after, if we knew that she had dairy she would wear a pull-up to bed.
 

[MomtoDandJ]

I definitely think it's a physical development issue.  It's about a child being able to feel when his bladder is full and control the release of urine.  But, I do think some kids get into a habit of being lazy.  Meaning they don't mind a diaper and don't want to get out of bed.  I think each parent knows their child best and is in the best position to figure out when their child is ready.  Might be worth a few nights of changing wet sheets to see if it's laziness or a developmental thing.  Then again, if your child doesn't mind the pull-ups/diapers/etc. then maybe just wait it out.

[BubbleMa]

Originally Posted by MelW 

We have known that she has a dairy allergy since she was a baby, but as she was older we had allowed small amounts of dairy back into her diet because the reactions were minor (tiny amounts of eczema, dandruff, etc.). Mostly it would be things like eating a muffin at a coffee shop, or a small piece of birthday cake or something. It was another MDC mama who mentioned that her child finally stopped wetting the bed at night when they eliminated dairy. Other allergies are sometimes related, but for whatever reason there seems to be a correlation between dairy and bedwetting. I've since talked to a few other parents of allergic kids (or even kids who didn't have allergy symptoms) who found that dairy was the culprit for late bedwetting.

So I paid attention, and sure enough the days that she had dairy she almost inevitably wet the bed. We were really strict about no dairy and finally got rid of the night-time diapers at 4 1/2. For a few months after, if we knew that she had dairy she would wear a pull-up to bed.
 

That's very interesting.  Thanks for sharing. :)

[JudiAU]

Originally Posted by MelW 

For my oldest daughter, cutting out dairy made the difference. We were still having 2-3 nights of wetness at 4.5 when I finally figured out that the occasional traces of dairy in her diet was the common culprit. I got stricter on the dairy (knew she had an allergy but was ignoring trace amounts) and she started being dry in the mornings.

I mention it because I've heard of dairy being an issue for orthers, too...

I have a cousin who had long term problems with bed wetting (13+) and thus was the final solution. Going vegan totally helped and they were really meat-and-potatoes midwesterners.
 

[Mizelenius]

One of our girls was NEVER dry at night in a diaper-- ever.  She was 3.  But, I was tired of pullups, so we put on a mattress pad and that was that.  She did not pee.  From then on, she rarely had accidents.  One of my friends says if they never have a "trigger" to wake them up at night (feeling wet) they don't learn, which is why pullups don't work.  I sort of think if they were raised in cloth, too, they can be more used to the wet feeling . ..so it has to be MORE if a trigger with just underwear.

But, it can also be a developmental thing and/or a physical issue.  One of my other girls CANNOT have much water before bed.  Just can't.  Even though she is 6, I think she has a small bladder like I do, so we limit, and she is a deep sleeper.  She can only have a little.  I would say to start with, cut off water intake at a certain time, and then they can have very little right before bed.  Eventually it won't be like this, but for now!

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by Mizelenius 

One of our girls was NEVER dry at night in a diaper-- ever.  She was 3.  But, I was tired of pullups, so we put on a mattress pad and that was that.  She did not pee.  From then on, she rarely had accidents.  One of my friends says if they never have a "trigger" to wake them up at night (feeling wet) they don't learn, which is why pullups don't work.  I sort of think if they were raised in cloth, too, they can be more used to the wet feeling . ..so it has to be MORE if a trigger with just underwear.

But, it can also be a developmental thing and/or a physical issue.  One of my other girls CANNOT have much water before bed.  Just can't.  Even though she is 6, I think she has a small bladder like I do, so we limit, and she is a deep sleeper.  She can only have a little.  I would say to start with, cut off water intake at a certain time, and then they can have very little right before bed.  Eventually it won't be like this, but for now!

My dd is 4, almost 4.5, and still wets heavily almost every night.  We have tried going without the diaper numerous times, and she always wakes up soaked.  She has always been cloth diapered and still is.  We have not noticed any improvement limiting fluids in the evening.  Maybe we should try eliminating dairy -- sounds like a pain, though!

[Mizelenius]

How is she during the day?  It seems like if dairy is an issue, it would be all the time?

RE: being in cloth-- yes, this is what I have always wondered.  While I changed my children very frequently and used fleece-topped doublers, I wondered how it would HELP with learning to use the toilet since they were sort of used to being wet?  It would not be as big a change as children in disposables to go to underwear. 

Have you tried waking her up at night to go to the bathroom?  We had to do this with one of my children-- in her sleep, she'd just pee on the toilet and go back to bed.  Her bladder just could not hold it all night at that point.  My DH would wake her up every night at around the same time. 
 

Originally Posted by sunnygir1 

My dd is 4, almost 4.5, and still wets heavily almost every night.  We have tried going without the diaper numerous times, and she always wakes up soaked.  She has always been cloth diapered and still is.  We have not noticed any improvement limiting fluids in the evening.  Maybe we should try eliminating dairy -- sounds like a pain, though!

[sunnygir1]

Originally Posted by Mizelenius 

How is she during the day?  It seems like if dairy is an issue, it would be all the time?

RE: being in cloth-- yes, this is what I have always wondered.  While I changed my children very frequently and used fleece-topped doublers, I wondered how it would HELP with learning to use the toilet since they were sort of used to being wet?  It would not be as big a change as children in disposables to go to underwear. 

Have you tried waking her up at night to go to the bathroom?  We had to do this with one of my children-- in her sleep, she'd just pee on the toilet and go back to bed.  Her bladder just could not hold it all night at that point.  My DH would wake her up every night at around the same time. 
 

She is great during the day.  She was out of diapers right around when she turned 2, in the daytime.  I do think that cloth diapers help with toilet learning because they can feel and identify when they pee both internally and externally.

So, she was done with daytime diapers quite early, but is a late nighttime wetter -- I do not blame cloth diapers for this.  And, she sometimes wakes up for a diaper change in the night, but if her bed gets wet, like when we try underwear, she wakes up for sure.

Yeah, we can't take her to the toilet in the night unless she wakes up herself.  I have tried a number of times, but she just freaks out and won't/doesn't pee.  She is a pretty heavy sleeper.

[Mizelenius]

Sounds like maybe the heavy sleeper thing is it?  I guess wait until she is older?

Originally Posted by sunnygir1 

She is great during the day.  She was out of diapers right around when she turned 2, in the daytime.  I do think that cloth diapers help with toilet learning because they can feel and identify when they pee both internally and externally.

So, she was done with daytime diapers quite early, but is a late nighttime wetter -- I do not blame cloth diapers for this.  And, she sometimes wakes up for a diaper change in the night, but if her bed gets wet, like when we try underwear, she wakes up for sure.

Yeah, we can't take her to the toilet in the night unless she wakes up herself.  I have tried a number of times, but she just freaks out and won't/doesn't pee.  She is a pretty heavy sleeper.