Another Moving Thread

[Luckiestgirl]

I haven't posted in forever, but I still visit here from time to time.  I'm interested in your thoughts re: my desire to relocate in the next two years.

We have been living in my husband's hometown since our first child was born over seven years ago.  The first few years were fairly happy, mostly because I was so over the moon to be a mommy that I didn't care how much I disliked this place.  I'm a politically progressive, artistic atheist.  The overwhelming majority of people here are evangelical Christian and not progressive.  As the kids have gotten older (they're now 7, 6, and 4), things have gotten really lonely for me.  And I'm worried my kids are lonely, too.  We homeschool because the schools aren't very good and have a really Christian slant to them despite being public.  We've considered putting them into a Montessori school, but that would mean 15 K per year and a fifty minute commute each way.  I have one close friend here who is wonderful, and her kids and my kids are regular playmates.  Though we have lots of other acquaintances, I feel like some people just aren't interested in us because we aren't believers.

Though we talked seriously about moving several months ago, we concluded that it was too risky financially.  My husband is 49, and relocating would set us back several years.  He's self-employed and could probably set up an office in a new location, but doing this might require us to burn through our savings and our retirement, which we got a late start on to begin with.  Job prospects are sketchy for me because of the economy, and I'm really trying to develop my writing career, which I'm having some success with, though so far it's not very profitable.  We're also concered about selling our house in this economy, even though we could sell it below market value and still walk away with a little money.

Try as I might, I just can't see myself sucking it up until my youngest is 18.  I feel like our best option is to save a couple of years and hope the economy recovers.  My husband thinks a better option is to try to find a second residence in the nearest city (two hours away), and use that as a weekend escape to which we can eventually retire.  I can't see being happy with this arrangement.

Any thoughts?  Sorry this is so jumbled, but it's hard to write with my kids running circles around me.

[Linda on the move]

We moved a bunch of times for my DH's job -- all over the US plus a couple of places in Canada. How small is the town you are in, and how extreme is the religion?  You can PM me if you want with details.

I'm happier in small city than a small town, and totally blissed to currently find myself in a funky new age place rather than the bible belt.

Do you currently get together with other homeschoolers, or are you totally isolated from them by the religion issue? Is the feeling that others arent interested in you coming from other homeschoolers?

One suggestion I have before moving, is to try the schools out for awhile. Not with a "we have to make this work, no matter what" attitude, just with a very soft, "are we happier with the kids having more social outlets and with me getting to do what I want to for a few hours a day?" attitude.

Right now your life isn't working for you, and this would be the easiest (and least permanent thing) to change.

[Luckiestgirl]

Thanks for your response, Linda.  We live in a town with a population of 4000, but with a couple of nearby towns it's more like 10,000.  I should mention that my son is in scouts, my daughter takes dance, and we have a great local library with lots of children's activities.  My kids get plenty of casual interaction with other children, but I think they're missing out on closer relationships.  Like I said, we have one family we're close to, but that's it.  And I definitely think religion is a big part of the problem.  For example, I've chatted it up with some dance moms, and eventually they ask, "Oh, what church do you go to?" and after that seem much less interested in me.  As far as other homeschoolers, we're literally the only secular homeschooling family I know of in the county.  The Christian homeschooling group requires a faith pledge to join.  I make friends easily, and NEVER had this problem until moving here. 

Yeah, the school situation would be the easiest place to start, but I guess I'd rather make one big transition than a bunch of small ones.  The commute to Montessori each day would be a pain, but at least the school's in a city that's a bit less provincial.

[Linda on the move]

Originally Posted by Luckiestgirl 

For example, I've chatted it up with some dance moms, and eventually they ask, "Oh, what church do you go to?" and after that seem much less interested in me.  As far as other homeschoolers, we're literally the only secular homeschooling family I know of in the county.  ....

Yeah, the school situation would be the easiest place to start, but I guess I'd rather make one big transition than a bunch of small ones.  The commute to Montessori each day would be a pain, but at least the school's in a city that's a bit less provincial.

Hey, I think I lived there once! We lived in a town where I no one wanted to get together with us, and another mom told me we really ought to find a "church home" because that's how everyone socialized. She said that believing in Jesus would mean that I had friends. It was surreal.

That was the city were we quit homeschooling and put the kids in school, and life did get better after that. Truly. My kids had friends once they went to school.

It seems odd to me that the one change you could easily make in a few months you don't want to try,  but change that would take years is something you want to fantesize about it.  You could change your life in the next few months if you really wanted to. You could create a different life for yourself where you live.

Or you could just keep sucking up and dreaming.

[Luckiestgirl]

Linda,

Good point.  Maybe I don't want to try because I'm afraid, and fantasizing is still easier.  Also, my oldest really likes homeschooling, though my second child would probably prefer to be in school.

[SuzyLee]

How much financial difference would it make if you got a part timejob (and put the kids in school)? Could you save enough to make a move more doable?

I wouldn't move given the current financial uncertainty given your husbands age. But you could certainly work towards it.

Honestly my first thought was to put thekids in school and you get a job :/. Give it a year then reevaluate.