Don't want to wean my 8m/o but she's making me CRAZY

[secondimpression]

I used to be one of those people who believed there was no such thing as a baby who won't *eventually* take a bottle or a pacifier. Then along came DD. I know she has a super sensitive gag reflex which I suspect has a lot to do with the fact that every attempt to get her to take a bottle has been met with failure. She thinks pacifiers are the most awesomest teethers ever. I've tried everything, even silly old school tactics like dipping bottle/paci nipples in sugar and hiding them under my shirt! (she was unimpressed)

She's generally a very low needs baby so I haven't been through much comfort nursing with her. Which is a good thing because it makes my skin crawl. It's absolutely psychological in nature, I didn't get the creepy-crawlies as bad when DS was BFing and it's not something that's going to be easily resolved anytime soon (I'm working on it).

But now she's teething and wanting to do nothing but nurse and I can't take it anymore. After 6 hours of her attached to my boob this evening, I was so frustrated and touched-out that I had to put her in her crib to CIO (this is the first time that has ever happened with either child). The constant nursing and errant hands and fingers groping both boobs are making me so anxious that I'm on the verge of seriously weaning cold-turkey style. I even gave her baby Motrin and baby Orajel to help with the teething pain, that's how crazy she's making me (it didn't help).

I want to not have to be her pacifier anymore. To a certain extent I'm fine with it, but I can't deal with it through teething hell. My max is somewhere around 10 minutes or when she starts doing that annoying 8 month old thing where their head comes unhinged and they have to look at every floating dust particle in the room while nursing. My mental health just can't take it any more. DP takes her as much as he can when he sees that I'm getting anxious but obviously he can't always do that (he works outside the home). I try redirecting her with teethers and cold/hard foods to chew on but even that doesn't meet her need to suck while teething. Oh...this has been getting progressively worse (the teeth did finally break through yesterday) over the last month so I'm not entirely sure it's not a developmental change as well?

I'm at my wit's end and a nervous mess. Advice? Commiseration?

[PatioGardener]

Massive commiseration. Especially with that 8 month thing that you so aptly described as "where their head comes unhinged and they have to look at every floating dust particle in the room while nursing." OMG that is a great description! My guy did that. It drove me nuts.

I don't get touched out so much as nursed out. The hands I can stand. The nursing while awake I can stand. It is the 90 minute nursing-while-asleep-and-Mama-forgot-the-DVD-player sessions that make me want to rip my nipple out of his mouth and run screaming down the hall.

I don't have any advice, just wanted to let you know you aren't alone.

I hope that now the teeth are through it gets better for you. Mine is working on his 1 year molars (hence the 90 minute night nursing sessions) and it sucks.

[Llyra]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. My DS was like this-- he wouldn't take a bottle or a paci or take comfort from anybody or anything except the breast, and it wore me to shreds. I remember handing him off to DH and making DH take him to the family room to walk him around, when I couldn't stand it anymore, and DS would scream and scream and it was awful. But I just could not, could not, could not lie there and let him suck on me anymore.



I never did find a solution-- I relied on shortcuts like handing him off, or putting him down, when I just couldn't stand it anymore. Eventually he got through the awful phase he was in, and things settled down-- I even managed to teach him to use a bottle, around a year old, which gave me a little relief occasionally. I wish I had the answers.

I am going to move your thread out to the general forum, as per the forum guidelines, and also because I think this is a more common situation than we realize, and you may get more responses out there.

[D_McG]

I remember sitting there squirming with my first but not with my second. I just couldn't do it and honestly it seemed kind of stupid to me that I did it with my first (not saying people who do it are stupid. I just had a 'wtf' moment). Once my skin starts crawling I stop nursing. We did other things. She'd cry but she'd get over it. And it helped us both to learn different ways to connect.

Put it this way - if the first 5 hours of nursing didn't make her happy. The last one probably wasn't the right solution, either! 10-15 minutes is about my max, too. Esp at that age.

[secondimpression]

Thanks ladies, it does help to know that I'm not alone!

DD just figured out how to crawl yesterday so she's been so exhausted from getting stuck under/in everything that nursing is to the point and she falls asleep really quick. It's like being in the eye of the storm though because her latch is all messed up from the new set of teeth. I am feeling better, albeit still touched out and dreading the next set of teeth!

[foreverinbluejeans]

It bugs me when people say babies use the breast like a pacifier. That statement assumes pacifiers are normal for babies. From a biological or evolutionary perspective, it is more accurate to say modern babies use pacifiers (and bottles) like a breast. You never hear people saying that. The breast is the norm. I'm not being critical of the op, just something to think about.

This baby may have been nursing a lot because of teething and for another reason. Since she was at the developmental stage of starting to crawl she may have been nursing to get the breasts to start making more milk. She is going to need more energy and she is going to be exposed to more germs. She needs more protection that breastmilk provides.

I remember those times of feeling touched out. I nursed siblings at and sometimes that could make me CRAZY. Learning relaxation techniques helped me. If you can do other things while you nurse to help distract you that may help. If you are just sitting around nursing and thinking about how much you would rather be doing something else, those pinchy little fingers and the hours of nursing are really going to get to you. There are many different kinds of slings and wraps and there may be one you could use so you can go about your normal day. There are directions online for making slings and wraps if money is an issue (it is for most of us these days). What a cute baby you have!

[secondimpression]

Originally Posted by foreverinbluejeans 

It bugs me when people say babies use the breast like a pacifier. That statement assumes pacifiers are normal for babies. From a biological or evolutionary perspective, it is more accurate to say modern babies use pacifiers (and bottles) like a breast. You never hear people saying that. The breast is the norm. I'm not being critical of the op, just something to think about.

Actually, in the context I used the word, it's perfectly applicable. The breast is the original pacifier, think about the definition of the word. Just like breastmilk is the original infant food. I used to be caught saying this kind of stuff all the time but thanks for saying it to me. I'll make sure to never say it again because it really hurts to be on the recieving end of this variety of gripe when asking for support.

This baby may have been nursing a lot because of teething and for another reason. Since she was at the developmental stage of starting to crawl she may have been nursing to get the breasts to start making more milk. She is going to need more energy and she is going to be exposed to more germs. She needs more protection that breastmilk provides.

Or she could just be cranky because her mouth hurts and comfort sucking makes her feel better. 

I remember those times of feeling touched out. I nursed siblings at and sometimes that could make me CRAZY. Learning relaxation techniques helped me. If you can do other things while you nurse to help distract you that may help. If you are just sitting around nursing and thinking about how much you would rather be doing something else, those pinchy little fingers and the hours of nursing are really going to get to you. There are many different kinds of slings and wraps and there may be one you could use so you can go about your normal day. There are directions online for making slings and wraps if money is an issue (it is for most of us these days). What a cute baby you have!

 When I talked about anxiety, I wasn't talking about being anxious to do something else, I was talking about the physical symptoms that include the creepy-crawlies, nervousness and irritability to the point that I had to let her CIO for fear of what any more serious lapse in parental judgement might cause. This isn't the same as being annoyed that I'm stuck nursing when I could be sewing or whatever else.

[PatioGardener]

Morning, Mama (OP), how are things today? Learning to crawl is such a developmental jump. When my DS first learned he would even "sleep crawl".

I wanted to add something that I remembered that really helped. It helped if I was 'prepared' to nurse. By prepared, I mean I had to have a water bottle with me, something to read or my lap top or a dvd player, a yummy snack, etc. It was much easier to nurse for longer, and actually avoid the "run away" feelings as I call them, if I was set up to watch a movie or something and nurse on the side.