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June mamas: April 4-10 - Page 3

post #41 of 77
Thread Starter 
Could someone tell me the gist of the whole disrespectful to call it a blessingway thing?
It's a pretty long thread but basically the discussion is that a woman who used to post on MDC who is Navajo/Dine felt it was disrespectful for non-Dine women to call whatever ceremony they are having a Blessingways as they are such an integral and significant ritual for Dine women (and men too I think). Something that is prepared for for years.

When I first started reading it I was like here we go again...overanalyzing...being hyper-PC sensitive etc. but when I read the whole thread and reflected on it...talked about it with friends IRL...the points that were made resonated with me. So much so that I asked the woman who is hosting my "blessingway" to rename it as a birth blessing.

Anyway....sorry that was such a long-winded answer. Okay...and now I'm off to check out the bracelet thread.


PS ~ Steve's Sweety ~ Here's an article you might find helpful: Beads and Blessings

Oh and Julie...I have two midwives...one is an avid knitter and the other a quilter. I am planning - depending on who attends my birth - to get a gift certificate for the appropriate supply stores in town.
post #42 of 77
I didn't think that was long-winded. And thanks, that helps, though I guess I'd have to read the whole thread to agree. Right now I feel the way you felt when you first started reading it, but we will call it a birth blessing, if that is what everyone is comfortable with.

Sooooo, I may not feel any bigger, but I did get bigger since my last appt. measuring 28 cm and I am 28 wks so right on track, which is what I've been the whole time. Baby's head was down (for the moment-he's mostly been transverse). I gained 8 lbs. Not much of it is baby considering the way my clothes fit lately. I have been eating way too much and really poorly, but I had hoped that it wasn't that bad. I am so looking forward to good weather and walking! A little self-control would be good, too.
post #43 of 77
I LOVE the bracelet idea...especially since so many of the people I know IRL would never do something like this (so it wouldn't happen for me otherwise).

Today, the ligament pain has been so heinous that dh stayed home to be with dc and help me out. We all went to our health club and I floated in the pool while dh massaged me. It was very helpful. It IS indeed mostly on the right and probably the most surprising thing about pregnancy to me. I just did not expect this. Does it end soon?

Our health club has a warm pool that is 92-93 degrees. I called my OB to ask what they thought and the nurse said I shouldn't go in. But it is not even as warm as baths I take at home. Do any of you see a problem with this?

post #44 of 77
Thread Starter 
Our health club has a warm pool that is 92-93 degrees. I called my OB to ask what they thought and the nurse said I shouldn't go in. But it is not even as warm as baths I take at home. Do any of you see a problem with this?
92-93 isn't even close to normal body temperature. I don't see what the problem could be. And, like you, I know my baths are hotter than that. I would just be sure to drink lots of water before, during and after swimming in the warm water. It's easy to get dehydrated in the water and not realize it.

I've been swimming/floating in a warm pool for the last few weeks and it feels heavenly!

Just got back from my mw apt. I measured fine but she could only find the faintest heartbeat. She did some palpatations and said ah-ha this baby is resting on with her spine on yours, which is why the hb sounded so far away and probably why my lower back has been so achy.

post #45 of 77
Tamara-I got wrapped up in the birth blessing thing and totally forgot about your question! I was at my sister's birth when I was 3. I did not find it scary. I would examine what you want to remember: not having your son there b/c your mom didn't approve or having your son be a part of this wonderful experience with or without her approval?

Maybe if you talk with her about WHY she disapproves and discuss how you are preparing him, how important it is to you that he is a part of it, how you have plans in place in case he needs to leave the room, etc. Also, if it were my mom (I don't really know if your relationship with your mom could handle this) I would be honest and say "Look, it is really important to me that you are at the birth. I need your support and love, it was so vital to my labor experience with ds. BUT it is important that ds be a part of this, too. I need you to come to terms with our decision in this. I need you to let go of your disapproval. Ultimately, it is not your decision to make and you need to respect that you are not going to change our minds. I want you to be at the birth very much, but I am concerned that you will not be 100% supportive if you can't let this go and if you can't be supportive, you won't be able to help me. If you can't help me or your disapproval causes tension, you will have to leave and I REALLY don't want you to leave. So can we agree to disagree and leave it at that?" My mom has a lot of grown children that don't make the best of decisions, so sometimes I also have to remind her that we make good decisions : and that, while she may not agree with me, she has to admit that the decisions we make tend to work well for our family. She is usually willing to admit that and then she really has no ground to stand on and lets go.

Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the best possible outcome. But I know, for my life, the decisions I have made to please someone else are the only decisions I regret. And I was devastated when I missed a sibling's birth b/c a well-meaning friend of my mom's wouldn't let me in the room. Birth is really magical, even for small kids and definitely worth him being there. Think of how different he will view birth as an adult. Think of how less skittish he will be when his wife is laboring. It is a legacy I think about with my ds all the time. It is important.
post #46 of 77
Julie- Thanks so much! That's so neat that you were at your sister's birth! My mom said she's heard that even if kids do fine during the birth, they have nightmares afterwards. I ran a search on this board and only ran across one mom whose kid had problems and they were younger. I also asked the midwife and she had never heard such a thing either. Your suggestion on how to talk to her about it is really good.

As far as giving a gift to the midwives, I have mixed feelings about it. With DS's birth, I switched to the midwives' care at 28 weeks, and there were 5-6 midwives so I didn't get to know any of them really well. I paid $1700 out of pocket for the birth. It never really crossed my mind to give a gift.

This time around the practice is basically down to 2 midwives and I've been going there since the beginning so I feel a lot closer to them than before. I don't feel "obligated" to give a gift but I'm starting to feel like I want to. It really means the world to me that I have the opportunity to give birth in a freestanding birth center and they're the ones who made it possible.

Wow, I'm really rambling.

As far as the baby's position goes, I can feel his/her back sometimes but haven't been able to detect the head or butt. I'm afraid the baby really feels like hes/shes transverse right now. When I went in to the midwife with the labor pains, I tried to get her to tell me where she thought the baby was but she didn't.

When do they start being really concerned about the position?
post #47 of 77
Thread Starter 
Yesterday my mw said at 35 weeks they start really looking at the position.

I'm 30 weeks and my baby is ALL over the place...but mostly seems to be transverse or kind of diagonal....and yesterday she was posterior.

I'm not too concerned at this point but I'm definitely becoming more aware of my posture...trying to take more walks...stretch and open my hips etc.

post #48 of 77


Today at Babyrobics, the teacher asked who was breastfeeding. There were at least 8 postpartum mommies in the room, and 2 people raised their hands. TWO.

I know that it's really easy for me to sit up on my high horse when I haven't even had my baby yet, but 2/8? 25%? What the hell went wrong with the other six mom/baby pairs? These are all SAHMs, wealthy educated women with lots of resources, and they obviously adore their babies and put lots on energy into doing baby-enrichment type things like Babyrobics. How can they not know how much their baby would get out of their milk that can't be gotten any other way?

Am I a jerk to even think this?
post #49 of 77
Had my 30 week apt. today and it really hit me how close we all are. Can you believe it?

Also talked extensively with my doula about finalizing the birth plan. Are you all writing out a birth plan? Also, for those delivering in a hospital, did you write out an advanced directive? If so, did you ahve to make it legal somehow?

post #50 of 77
Smithie, nope you aren't a jerk. I would be/am appalled too. Take that attitude with you into your bf relationship with your new baby and you both will benefit.

Speaking of position...saw my midwife today. Baby is head down. It's hanging out on my left side mostly. I was really lopsided today.

I've had a really unproductive day. My midwife lives a little over an hour away and it turns into a whole day affair going to see her. I was so wiped out when I got home that I crashed on the couch for an hour. It's so strange to be this close to the due date. We scheduled my home visit today ... how can it possibly be right around the corner?

I've not a clue about a gift for my MW. I didn't give one at all for my first labor/delivery MW. But it was in a hospital setting and I'd not known my midwife that long (I switched providers really late in my pregnancy last time). I know this MW so much better this time. But I've not come up with a gift idea yet. Julie, have you thought about making a gift for your MW? You could do a rice bag scented with lavendar or something.

Okay, got to go. DH home and we are going OUT for dinner. Too tired to cook.
post #51 of 77

MW gifts and medical stuff

I am going to give my MWs books for their lending library - I have way too many damned pregnancy books, and they are missing some pretty specific things, like "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth." I may also give them software if there's anything in particular that they need - it's about 300% cheaper (literally) at the company store than retail.

Paula, I filled out an advance directive when I found out I was pg. There are free forms online for most states. I'm not really worried about dh or family opposing my wishes, so I just had it witnessed by two people as per the instructions on the form. It was important to me that my "unplug me" orders not take effect while I was still carrying the baby, so I specified that, but for most everything else I just checked the "let my husband decide" box. Let's hope he doesn't have any secret reason to get rid of me!
post #52 of 77
In the "old days" it was considered usual for the husband to tip the ob, even. It didn't occur to me when using a birth center and I hadn't met the midwife before labor, but this time I feel differently. Also I am a doula now and it is very nice when people tip or otherwise give a gift. Not many do, and I don't expect it, but it is very touching and in the case of a tip truly helpful. My midwife has admired a lot of my handmade silver and bronze jewellery so we will probably order something from our friends who make it for her as well as a tip. And tips for the assistants.

One midwife (not mine) I spoke to said she has never, ever gotten her whole fee. Either people are paying out of pocket and have to make arrangements, or she has to accept what their insurance will cover. So a cash tip can be very nice for people, though many feel it's callous or shallow. Even though you are paying a fee, and they are being paid out of that, a tip is something just for them to do as they wish and I think is a nice thing to do if you can afford it.

I am not likely to have any kind of baby shower as I don't know many people here well enough and my husband's family isn't very enthusiastic about this pregnancy, and we don't seem to be the kind of people others throw parties for. I would like to have some kind of potluck or party before the birth just so we can see everyone before then. An un-baby shower.

I am conflicted about registering, as I've said before. The few things we need are big-ticket items and I honestly couldn't find anything smaller to pad out the registry if I tried, because I like to keep such things at a bare minimum. We also have kept or borrowed smaller things, and I sew so there are already at least two rainbow silk/flannel blankets. So the only things on a BRU registry would be the carseat, playpen/center thing and the stroller. I would love to register for cloth diapers at diaperaps or ask for gift certificates but I doubt anyone would contribute to that. Unfortunately we could really use the help.

My sister-in-law just had a very early miscarriage that she is not really upset about at all. My mother-in-law told me how she herself, however, was really upset and disappointed, that she was really excited about having another grandchild. (!) I was amazed, not that she feels that way, because she obviously feels my niece is her real grandchild, but that she would say it to me. (My daughter is her first grandchild) She is going to be in Europe around the time our baby is due and after that doesn't know what her vacation plans are yet. (!)

30 week visit this week and though I thoroughly enjoy pregnancy I am starting to think it will be nice not to worry about the protein vs carbs thing anymore. Because it is in vogue with all the atkins nonsense it is annoying me to have to think about it. But I also don't want an enormous baby so I am putting up with it. It is getting hot here and that means most protein that I can eat- veggie fake meat products, beans, soy, tofu, dairy- are starting to seem very heavy and off-putting.

Since my daughter was born at 37 weeks I suppose I really should be getting more of this ready and in order, or at least planned out, but I am less motivated to do so than I was say ten weeks ago, when I had to restrain myself because it was so early. We have a moses basket and I'll order the diapers at the beginning of May, and the birthkit whenever my midwife gives me the instructions, and really that's all one needs until the birth other than a carseat. We're not doing a nursery so anything else can really wait.

I have been having more vivid dreams than ever, which I hardly thought possible. Both the happy kind about the baby and the horrible kind about deformities/loss/weirdness. They are very interesting though and reassuring in their normalcy.

I am now only able to sleep deeply between five and ten in the morning, which with a homeschooled ten year old is not good. But we are an erratic and flexible household so I guess I should just accept it's who we are. She doesn't care for getting up early either.

The consensus among the old ladies at passover dinner was that this is a boy. "You don't look like a cow." I found it charming actually because in this age of everyone knowing the gender ahead of time there is less opportunity for all this traditional speculation and wondering who is right. No one has expressed even a remote idea that I am having a girl. Anyone who has an opinion says it's a boy. I am starting to get excited to find out myself and hope I will not feel disappointment at one gender over another. I felt like this when I had my daughter and by the time she was born I didn't really care anymore. This time, though, I have to admit I really want a boy. When I had her everyone did say it was a girl even though I wanted a boy then too. Sometimes I think it might be more likely for the siblings to be close if they are both girls, with ten years between them, but I know plenty of sets of siblings that far apart who are close despite being opposite genders.

So since I am here so infrequently these days I have now hogged a considerable amount of space, as my belly is doing. At least once a day I think, there *must* be two babies in here!
post #53 of 77
LizD wrote:

"I am starting to think it will be nice not to worry about the protein vs carbs thing anymore. Because it is in vogue with all the atkins nonsense it is annoying me to have to think about it."

Hear, hear! I finally decided to supplement today with an all-natural whey powder that my GNC lady recommended (we are good buddies bc I am always there buying Atkins shakes for my husband, ROFL.) I just cannot get 80-100 g of protein into my ever-more-compressed tummy, and I find that in forcing the protein down, I am consistently compromising on fruits and veggies.

Anyhow, I mixed the stuff with some Atkins-friendly chocolate milk and blended it with ice, and it just tasted FANTASTIC to me and I felt great after I drank it, so I guess my body doesn't mind getting its protein this way.
post #54 of 77
I'm sick of the whole protein thing too. I just want to eat and not worry about it. I'm not sure if I have 11 more weeks of eating eggs in me! I bought Kashie Go lean crunch this week for breakfast to give me an alternative to eggs for breakfast. Every once and a while I rebel and eat regular cereal for breakfast!:LOL My midwife would have had a cow over the meal we ate last night, whole wheat goulash, carrot sticks and bread. YUMMM! It's what I was craving!

Have a great day everyone!
post #55 of 77
Argh, i'm having a rough time! If I don't get ..um... regulated... soon I'm sure I"m going to explode. :LOL It's really driving me insane!! I'm cramming down as much fiber as I can but it doesn't seem to be doing the trick. Ick.

Yesterday Eli saw a National Geographic "Lullabies From Around the World" CD and got all excited when he saw the yellow rectangle. He totally impressed the women in the botique when he said "National Graphic!" and got all excited. :LOL It was pretty cool. If it hadn't been so darned expensive, I'd have bought the darned thing.

NewBean is starting to settle, but I'm hoping not permanently. There's been less flipping, but for the past two days NB has been head up and kind of diagonal. : It's not a comfortable position for me now, to say nothing of labor. Hopefully things will change!
post #56 of 77
I posted a list over in the birth blessing rollcall, so those who want to participate, make sure you are on it! Rynna is giving everyone until the 10th to pm her with their addy and she'll pm back her addy, so there is a time limit.

LizD-We found with our wedding registry that people didn't buy any of the big ticket items-I thought there would be more group gifts than there were. If you think people will buy directly off your registry, I would register for little stuff you don't need and return it all for store credit to apply to things you do need. It's a little dishonest, but it would help pay for those items you can't afford. Of course, if your friends and family are like ours, they won't even look at your registry or they will and buy the items somewhere else so I don't know if that is opening a can of worms or not.

Smithie-you have a right to be outraged about bfing! A lot of moms I have encountered find it to be less intuitive than they thought it would be and you mention LLL to them and you see their face change like they are thinking "Those hippies? I wouldn't be caught dead at one of those meetings!" And then there are people like my sister who don't like the "inconvenience" of bfing. She would rather fix a bottle, prop it on a pillow and sit in a chair across the room than attach the baby to her breast. It's really sad. I think formula is so readily available and so publicly acceptable that a lot of mamas don't have much incentive to bf when the going gets hard, especially if they are not advocates themselves and don't have a lot of support. So most of the time when I see a situation like that, it makes me really sad, b/c they will never truly understand what they are missing.

I am not worrying too much about protein. I don't measure my diet in grams. I try to eat a balanced variety of food. I know when I need to eat protein b/c I am aware of what I have eaten earlier in the day and also, when I need protein, I crave high protein foods or sugar. So I eat protein. But trying to adhere to, say, the Brewer diet for example, would pretty much spiral me into a depression, b/c I would hate it and I would slip up a lot and then I would feel guilty about it/ start hating being pregnant. So I try to be good to my body and my baby w/o focusing too much on a controlled diet.

My baby is head down too. He's been in the same position for about 3 days now so it is beginning to look like that is where he will stay from here on out. Very similar to what happened with Tain.
post #57 of 77
I know I can be heavy on the simple carbohydrates so while I don't count grams or calories I do pay attention and try to avoid the unnecessary bread and pasta types of food. Especially since as a vegetarian I drink soymilk and can only stand to drink chocolate milk, cannot bear low fat dairy products, etc. and this translates to a bit of fat and sugar. So it is less than worrying about the protein than watching the carbohydrates and fat. Protein is easy to get too much of, really. Also lately I have wanted outright chocolate and candy, which I usually want during morning sickness but didn't this time. And when pregnant all I have to do is indulge the craving for white bread toast and a cookie and wham I'll have a yeast infection. I have also been worrying about eating too many eggs. Pregnancy is one of the rare times I like eggs ok and eat them a lot, but I have read that some babies end up being sensitized to them if their moms eat too many??! Then again Julia Child is ancient and swears by her egg a day.
post #58 of 77
Liz, I too had heard about the eggs.. and peanut butter, and shrimp, and milk all possibly causing sensitivities in children who's mothers overindulged during pregnancy. Because we have a family history of nasty allergies, I gave up peanut butter and shellfish in my third trimester with Eli and while I was nursing him. He introduced himself to peanut butter about a month or two ago (long story) and has had no problems with it, but he's still not getting shellfish until he's two. I'm glad I did it, even though it was a lot of work for me. I've given those things up again this time around (the shellfish was a lot easier since we can't afford it right now. :LOL)

Eggs and milk are different, though. The protiens are much more easily digested (by you) so less of them cross the placenta. I also firmly believe that if your baby couldn't tolerate them, you wouldn't be able to either. While I was pregnant with Eli, I couldn't tolerate even the tiniest amounts of caffiene or alcohol; I learned after he was born (and I could stand the taste of caffienated beverages again) that he is very sensitive to it. I drink 6 oz of Silk Coffee Soylatte, and Eli's bouncing off the walls and miserable 4 hours later. I have had, since Eli was born, a grand total of 20 oz of Coca-cola. Each time I didn't pump, Eli was miserable. I learned very quickly that it was either up to me to remember to pump in an hour, or that I should just avoid the caffiene. I also couldn't eat chocolate until this pregnancy (when my milk dried up).
post #59 of 77
Julie, my baby seems to have settld in for the long haul too. About 2 weeks ago, I felt her do a major turn/twist -- all sort of things throughout the day. SInce then, she has had 2 hands reaching out to me from below and 2 feel kicking from above. OB yesterday said sometimes the babies just go there early and hang out. I swear she gets a kick out of tickling me, though. Last night, she was fluttering her hands in my lower uterus and it was tickling so much. I LOVE that feeling.

BTW, my OB (as opposed to her nurse who previously said NO) said to go ahead and spend time in the 92/93 degree pool. She agreed it would be good for the round ligament pain. Also, we arranged a labor tub for the birth. It was a pain to arrange with the hospital, but it hink it will be worth it.

post #60 of 77
My little one is head down and has been for the last 4-5 weeks, but it doesnt matter to me what position he's in right now. Im not even going to worry about position until 38 weeks cause of my first two kiddos...
Kimber went breech at 36 weeks. The NP didnt believe me at my 36 week appt, but at my 37 week appt, my OB actually listened to me. When she couldnt tell for sure, she took me into the US room to check for sure. And scheduled a version that evening and a section at 38 wks if it was unsuccessful. The version was unsuccessful. When we were walking in for our section appt, I told DH that the baby felt funny, it was too low and uncomfortable to walk... We got prepped for surgery, and were walking into the OR when the OB asked if anyone had done an US to check the position... Kimber had indeed turned the night before and we went home.
Zachary did the exact same thing... At 37 weeks he went breech and stayed there until 38 wks 1 day, the same day as kimber. That time I did some visualizations and a few turning excersizes, but I decided not to get serious about it unless he was still breech after 38 wks. The OB I had that time said she'd do a version at 40 weeks or in labor if necessary, but she didnt want to fool with him until needed.
Given my history, it will be surprising if this one stays head down.

About gift for midwives... Im pretty sure that I'll get her a small thank you gift. As a doula, its an extra-special treat when a client gives a gift or a tip. One client gave my children gift cards "for sharing their mommy," and that was just too sweet. Anyway, my MW charges between 2800-3800, and is charging us 2800, and is okay with the fact that I sometimes havent made regular payments, but I pay her as money comes in (DH is self employed). I dont have a super close connection to her (and she'd probably have a panic attack if she saw my diet), but I think it would be nice to get her a special thank you. I brought her a small gift after her birthday and Christmas (only a few days apart) as well. If we can't afford much at the time, it may be only a framed picture from the birth, but it will be something birth-y.
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