If you have a Nanny... did she have the kids make you a Mother's Day Craft?

[Phoenix~Mama]

Curious.   The only thing I have in my contract with my nanny is to take care of the kids, teach DD toddler/pre-school things and do crafts with her.

I did not get any Mother's Day project... I'm still upset about it. 

I'm giving this woman nearly half of my salary... it'd be nice of her to think of things like this.  *shrugs*  Or am I just being a UAV/sensitive/whatever?

[Alare]

I don't have a nanny but I'll throw my two cents in . . .

It would have been nice of her to think of it.  Maybe she doesn't like/doesn't think you like Hallmark holidays.  Maybe she never celebrated it in her family.  Maybe she forgot.  Or she could just be dense.  I babysit a little girl a hour or so each day and I did have her make a mother's day craft--but I'm also very good friends with the mom. 

Could she have assumed that someone else would be making something/buying something with your daughter and she didn't want to butt into any holiday traditions?  Some people can be touchy about things like that.  Is there anything in her behavior that would make you think she didn't make anything to intentionally hurt you?  If no, then you may be being sensitive.

Easiest thing is to talk to her about it. She's not a mind-reader, and I assume your daughter is too young to realize when mother's day is and suggest making something for you.

Happy belated Mother's Day .

[Phoenix~Mama]

Some additional information....  My mother apparantly asked her to do a craft because she told her she did not have time to do it with the kids.  She told my Mom okay.  But never did.  That was on Friday.  My Mom asked her again on Monday... still nothing.  *shrugs*

[GuildJenn]

No, that wouldn't be my expectation. When I had a nanny I paid her to take care of my son, not to stand in for family.

However if she was directly asked, that's a different thing. Is your mum in charge of the nanny too? Is it clear to your nanny?

[EviesMom]

I wouldn't expect it, but if your mom asked her to do it, then I think the nanny is remiss in not doing it.

[lunarlady]

My nanny did, but it was a pleasant surprise. I didn't expect it. The comment about being too busy seems odd. Too busy with what? I've never met a kid that didn't LOVE crafts. I suspect for my nanny it was an easy and obvious way to fill one afternoon.

[therdogg]

Do you have the kids make a birthday card for the nanny? Maybe she'll get the hint.

[HollyBearsMom]

This was my first Mothers day w/o a nanny and the first year I didn't get a craft other than the homemade card he made in school.

Our nannies always did mother/father/valentine/christmas crafts with our sons.  But they were "crafty" anyway and I could always count on them baking cookies, making homemade b-day cards, wrapping paper for any b-day (family, friends), making christmas presents for all the relatives, decorating the house for various holidays with homemade art (St Paddies, 4th of July, Thanksgiving,etc)

Honestly? As sweet as it was I am done with all the knick knacks!! I am not sentimental and have no desire for any more ceramic dishes, hand painted mug/vases, "super mom" placards, birdhouses, hand painted flower pots, and the like!

Is your nanny the crafty type?  Dos she typically do this stuff and do you have all the makings at home? I ask because your mom might have asked but if she is not crafty and/or you don't have the stuff on hand it may have meant her paying out of pocket. My husband always asked our nanny on side if she needed tome $$ for these type of things.  You may give her "half your salary" but that doesnt mean she has extra, KWIM?

Then again if she does crafts all the time and your house is well stocked with supplies, that does seems weird. Could there be underlying issue you are not aware of? It could be time for a performance appraisal or at least a sit down. Maybe this was her passive aggressive way of letting you know she is unhappy.

I also think a PP brought up a valid point.  Do your remember her B-day with something homemade from the kids? Christmas? Her anniversary with your family? My nannies LOVED it when they got something from the kids! We always made homemade cards, baked cookies, etc. I made a point of giving a framed photo of them and our son for each anniversary.

[hakeber]

Did she do any crafts with her or has crafting gone out the window?  Or was it just that she didn't do a specific Mother's day craft?  Because maybe you could choose one of the crafts she did last week and wrap it up and make it a gift to yourself. 

Last year I got no crafts from DS or DD, and I arranged for my own gift: I had a mother's day brunch for all my mom-friends and we sent the kids out with the dads and we hired some girls from the beauty school to come over and give us pedicures while we ate bagels and drank mimosas and talked motherhood shop.  It was fabulous.  This year I got a craft from my kid's school, but I got no card from DD (aka a finger painting project under DH's supervision) or anything of the sort and so I went out and bought myself chocolates, and fabulous catered dinner for the family because I wanted it and DH hadn't thought to do this.  I'm not HIS mom after all and in his family it is simply not that big a deal, and definitely not something any other people get involved with apart from the kids...they don't even say happy Mother's day to their grandmothers or aunts.  I learned a long time ago to celebrate myself on Mother's day and not wait for him or anyone else to make a big fuss, because he simply doesn't think he should and he never will be convinced otherwise.  To be fair Father's Day is pretty similar in our house with zero expectations from me.  When it means something to kids they'll take over. 

It would honestly never occur to me to think that my nanny would do a thing like this.  Not in a million years.  

I also do not think I would ever allow my mother to delegate tasks to my nanny...especially in your case Phoenix Mom as it is pretty clear your mom resents you even having a nanny (per your other thread I just posted to.)

I do not think this is a typical request to make, in my experience.  I would be touched if she did, but a little weirded out I think, especially since all the nannies I have had have also been moms themselves, so I would feel the need to reciprocate or something.  It would be a little awkward.

Also, it might be worth asking yourself, at not yet 2 and a half, what would it really mean to your DD?  What would be the real point?

I don't mean to be unsupportive, and I know as a single mom it must be hard not to have a partner in charge of those things, but that doesn't make it the nanny's job, even if your mother did decide it was her right to delegate tasks onto her.  I would just talk to her and say. "I was sad you didn't get DD to do a mother's day craft for me.  I've sort of been looking forward to the day when she would be able to do a crafted present for a long time and I was hoping you would have thought of it.  Can you maybe talk to her about the importance of the holiday Mother's day this week and get her to do something to show she understands it?"

It might be awkward but it would be better to make a direct request then seethe at her for not meeting an expectation that was not clearly laid out for her by YOU, her direct boss. 

[SubliminalDarkness]

I used to be a nanny. Doing a Mother's Day craft never occurred to me. We did Christmas crafts, but that's because Christmas is a month long and it's overwhelming in stores and was hard to miss. 

[texmati]

I wouldn't expect it, especially if I hadn't told her so explicitly. And I'd be upset if my mom suddenly started telling the nanny what to do.

[fiona2359]

I wouldn't have expected it - and if I wanted her to do it I would have told her and probably provided her w/ a kit or something. I kind of feel like mother's day is a family celebration.

That said, my nanny is pregnant and I had the kids pick out a gift for her (a necklace) and she brought me flowers the next day. But the flowers were really from her, not from my kids. I bought a sun hat for myself and let the kids wrap it up when it came in the mail.

[swede]

I don't know.  It sounds as if the nanny is supposed to be doing "preschool" stuff with the child.  Don't most preschools do things liek mother's day crafts?  A handpirnt with a poem or something.  Is your nanny american?  Very young?  Maybe she doesn't know about mother's day.  If this is her native country, and she has preschool experience, it sounds as if she isn't very thoughtful. 

[hakeber]

Originally Posted by swede 

I don't know.  It sounds as if the nanny is supposed to be doing "preschool" stuff with the child.  Don't most preschools do things liek mother's day crafts?  A handpirnt with a poem or something.  Is your nanny american?  Very young?  Maybe she doesn't know about mother's day.  If this is her native country, and she has preschool experience, it sounds as if she isn't very thoughtful. 

DS has been in nursery/preschool/pre-K for the last 4 years and this was the first year (kinder) that I got a mother's day gift from school.  Maybe I just have sucky schools for my son in the respect.
 

[swede]

Originally Posted by hakeber 

DS has been in nursery/preschool/pre-K for the last 4 years and this was the first year (kinder) that I got a mother's day gift from school.  Maybe I just have sucky schools for my son in the respect.
 

I don't know.  It has just been my experience, and the people I know, experience that they make a little craft for things like mother's day - all the major holidays.  I am just saying I don't think its all that crazy for the op to be disappointed/annoyed by the oversight.

[LilMomma83]

I would be a bit surprised if I had a nanny and she didn't do something with my kids for me (just a card or something at least)...we have all the stuff here though...and I'm used to my kids bringing home stuff for mother's day etc from preschool...I've never had a nanny so I am not sure if my opinions would hange if I did...but, I can certainly understand being a bit dismayed. Everyone in my family and DH's family makes a big deal out of mother's day though...in fact so do most people in the area I live in.... the funny thing is I would probably help the kids make something for her also on special days...

[Phoenix~Mama]

Okay... to answer some questions/thoughts.

The nanny does do painting crafts often with DD.  Not as many craft type things as I had hoped for, but at least she is doing some form of art.  There is PLENTY of things on hand... my Mom works for Crayola.  There is a HUGE basket of various paints/modeling clays/kid scrapbook paper now/ other stuff right on the table they sit at to do these things.

My DSD always did projects at her pre-school for Mother's day at this age... and the pre-school DD was at did them as well.

The nanny is American and used to work at a pre-school in the older toddler room.

The kids did present her with an Easter gift as that is the only holiday we have had together.  The nanny started in March/April, can't remember exactly off-hand.  Her birthday isn't until December.

[yaboobarb]

I am thinking that .....

Your mom had the idea- She should have done it with the kids somehow...

For next time- ask her to do it!  :)

[One_Girl]

Mother's day seemed to come really fast this year.  Maybe she intended to do something and missed the holiday on accident.  We didn't remember that it was almost Mother's Day until 2 days before the weekend in my classrooms and I ran out to get my mother a gift the night before.  If it is something that really matters to you then you should be the one to tell the nanny, your mother shouldn't be involved in conversations with the people who care for your children whether it is a nanny, pre-school teacher, or school teacher.  I think that is an especially important boundary when the relationship with you and your parents is strained by their attempts to control what you are doing passive aggressively.

[JudiAU]

It would have been nice for her to do something but I don't think it is required. Frankly, it is not her position to make you feel honored as a mother. My nanny did? I can't even remember. I meant to get her flowers and forgot (she is also a mother).  DH did something and the preschool sent home a picture of LO.

It is the role of the SO or maybe a grandparent.

I would also find it unacceptable for a grandparent to give my nanny instructions on anything, especially a mother's day craft.