Help - I created a "NO" monster!

[newmamalizzy]

So, my 13 month old only says one word, and it is "No."  She says it about everything, and whenever I say it, or any negative for that matter (not, don't, etc.), she practices shaking her head and saying no, no, no, not, not, not.  I'm tired of hearing all these "no"s all day, but more than that I'm kind of concerned - is she reflecting what she hears from me?  Have I been that negative?  So, I'm wondering if anyone has any advice on curing this no epidemic.  I've been trying to say yes more.  Any other tips?

[Super~Single~Mama]

Normal.  That was my DS's favorite (but not only) word for a LONG time.  Do you want cereal?  No.  Do you want juice?  No.  Do you want to go to the park?  No.  Do you want.....? No. No. No. No. No. No. No.  times a Million. 

It was irritating, but didn't last forever.

[tzs]

ha ha ha!

my dd has been saying "no no no" and shaking her finger lately. honestly, i do say "no" but i don't shake my finger so i'm not sure where it comes from. i think it's pretty cute since she doesn't really *mean* it, in the sense that she's refusing things. usually she is scolding the dog (for doing nothing) although she almost got us into trouble the other day at the drs office. she was doing it randomly and a woman took offense ("did you just see that?! that baby did NOT just shake her finger at me!" etc etc.....) oops!

[hildare]

this didn't happen to us.. though that's not to say that it won't.

we've actually been trying to teach dd yes and no (and nods and head shakes)..  by saying 'sun' and 'moon' and 'dark' to say which one is happening at the time.  (so she says 'sun?' and i say either yes or no.. and if it's no, then it's pretty funny to her and i have to say it over again a few times)..so no is just funny no matter what, but she doesn't really repeat it.

she will respond affirmitively to 'bath' with a 'yesh' but nothing else.  no 'no's' at all.  we haven't really said it to her either, though, just because if we tell her not to do something, that is EXACTLY what she will do.. better to tell her what we want her to do instead.  (don't eat the rock! no!  gets a rock in the mouth while a 'spit it out' sort of gets across better)

[treegardner]

DS started that about 6 months ago. He says it like it's the end of the world though, "nooooooooooooooooooo" so it's kind of funny.

 

[cyclamen]

Around that age, we started playing "no game" with DD.  By this I mean just saying, "No no no no no no!" and wagging our fingers at her.  She would do it back and thought it was hilarious.

And the other thing I have learned, is that if there was something I want her to do, that redirecting wasn't going to solve...I try to make sure we connect before I ask her to do it.  Not in a manipulative way.  But in a way that recognizes she is a pack animal first, and that she needs to feel connected to us, or she's going to be feeling pretty agitated...while when she does feel connected, she's pretty much totally into doing whatever we are doing and following us, because there lies her survival.  So we might cuddle, or get silly, have milk, have a quick tussle or toss in the air, or I get down to her level and look at what she is looking at, first.  Ask or talk to her about it.  Help her meet her need for curiosity and exploration.  Then I whisper in her ear what we have to do, and maybe an extremely simple explanation of why if I think she is curious to know.  Then I might demonstrate what we are going to do.  I have to remind myself to slow down alot and be patient, to not rush.

I also try as hard as I can, whenever feasible, to ask myself, is this a hill to die on?  To help me respect what she says when she says no - and to not take it personally, even though tbats kind of my first response.  I think of it as modeling respecting my no's, so she can see what a person does when another person says no.   No is a very useful word.  I guess I have tried to make no's into not-a-power-struggle for us, but just another word we used to communicate with each other. 

I also find I sometimes need to remind myself that if we are having a tough time getting in sync with eachother that it's not personal on her part.  And really, not for me either.  That it's also not about me, and I didn't necesarily create the behavior.  Although I do try to see if it is a reflection of something I myself am doing -  which at this age, it often is - just a reflection, not an impression in wet cement.  I can't tell you how many times I've caught myself about to tell her not to do something, only to realize that I do it myself.  And the great thing about it being a reflection?  I find that if I stop doing the thing... she does too, pretty quickly sometimes. 

Anyhow all of these things have really helped me, as a friend says, to calm the h-ll down.  These aren't really toddler wrangling tricks - because they are going to grow (and we are too!), and the stage will pass, and the behavior oftentimes falls away like the weather.  They are "myself wrangling" tricks.