Subject not related to parenting or TTC

[Cananny]

thought i could post here since I really love the love this group has for one another... 

I lost my ex father in law today.. he has been in the hosp for several weeks.. 

The hard part is my ex and I do not really talk.. we were together for almost 5 yrs and her family was a big part of my life.. sadly when we broke up it was not pretty and I have not really talked to her  and most of the family.. I have seen her parents a few times since our break up ( 3 yrs ago) and I loved her dad.. he was such an amazing soul ... 

my ? is how to process it.. DP is not one to talk to about it as shes not a fan of anything to do with an ex... I dont feel its my place to go to the funeral..... but i am saddened by the loss of such a wonderful person in my life....

Has anyone dealt with this before..... sigh

[qmama42]

Cananny--I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Although I have not been through this before, I can see that it's tough to deal with something like this alone. It may help your process to find some way to celebrate his life and grieve his loss on your own. Go to a quiet place, meditate, talk to him and say goodbye perhaps. Or you could make a donation to a cause that he cared about in his memory. You may not get to process his death in the way that you like (funeral, being there with family)
but you can create a special way to honor him. I hope that you are able to find a way to get through this and have your emotional needs met and that dp can give you some space to do it. Hugs to you.

[AngelaM]

No experience with this, but big hugs to you. If he was married, maybe you could send a sympathy card to his wife?

[prettyisa]

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.

I would definitely write a letter to his wife, and possibly even to your ex, if you want to go there--she's got to be hurting and I think it helps people to know that the one they lost was important to others. I'd also consider a donation to his favorite charity or possibly sending flowers (you can do this anonymously if you want) to the funeral since you can't be there. I also think that your DP should be able to be there while you grieve--it isn't your ex you're grieving for, it's a person who was (and so always will be) part of your family.