that is horrible and 2 minutes is a LONG time to leave a toddler alone in a tub..
The longest anyone here has mentioned is 30 seconds...Still long but when I step out to grab a towel it is literally probably 8 to10 seconds...
It makes you think about it more though...Ugh, 2 minutes is so long!
I'm not saying that it's perfect but I won't fault a parent for literally stepping 5 feet away for seconds to grab something.
that is horrible and 2 minutes is a LONG time to leave a toddler alone in a tub..
The longest anyone here has mentioned is 30 seconds...Still long but when I step out to grab a towel it is literally probably 8 to10 seconds...
It makes you think about it more though...Ugh, 2 minutes is so long!
I'm not saying that it's perfect but I won't fault a parent for literally stepping 5 feet away for seconds to grab something.
There was a case in the UK here a while ago where a mum had left her kid for a few seconds and he drowned (i'm sure he was a baby). It turned out when she was investigated she had left him for over 20minutes while she surfed online and had already lost a previous child who had died after being put directly into a scalding hot bath "by mistake" and dying of her burns. Not all parents this happens to are neglectful or abusive but the abusive ones sure don't show up at ED with the full truth either.
True, no-one has said they'd leave for as long as 2 minutes. It wouldn't take 30 seconds to turn the hot tap on though, or to take a good breath of water.
GoBecGo, people definitely do not always give the real story in ED. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes because they genuinely mis-estimate. I must admit I do wonder, when I hear/read time estimates, how accurate they are. I might time myself one day and see how long it actually takes me to do things.
30 seconds isn't a long time....but then again it is. A lot can happen in 30 seconds. Not worth the risk, IMO. Everything that is needed for a bath should be already in the bathroom....towel, soap, water. There shouldn't be any reason to step out.
Even stepping out of the room for 5-10 seconds isn't a good habit. There are so many things that could pull me away- the door bell, the phone ringing, the teapot, etc. 5 seconds could easily turn into 5 minutes. I'm not saying that other moms here would forget about their babe but I guess I just don't trust myself. Keeping focus isnt my stronghold, so when I leave the bathroom, so does DS.
30 seconds isn't a long time....but then again it is. A lot can happen in 30 seconds. Not worth the risk, IMO. Everything that is needed for a bath should be already in the bathroom....towel, soap, water. There shouldn't be any reason to step out.
our bathroom (or MIL's bathroom as it is her house) doesn't have a closet in it! I find this just so weird but anyway our towels are just outside the door and I am always forgetting to grab one, even for myself.
You'd think I'd figure it out by now...You shower/take a bath you need a towel...So simple and so easy to forget.
eta...last night for DD's bath I actually used my phone's stop watch to time how long it took be to grab a towel outside the bathroom...7 seconds. I'm a nerd I know but I was curious because I do think 30 seconds IS a long time, especially in DD's case where she can twist the water to HOT without any effort...7 seconds I can live with, 30 would be too much for me personally at this time, only because I know what DD can do in the tub and I don't trust her not to play with the faucet or something.
Everyone likes to think it is only for a second or 30 seconds, but it rarely really is. Chances are, if someone says it is just 30 seconds, it is more like...more than 2 minutes, maybe even 5 minutes. I have known of a lot of babies and toddlers, and even preschoolers to drown when the parents or whomever is watching them, steps out "for just a second."
that is horrible and 2 minutes is a LONG time to leave a toddler alone in a tub..
The longest anyone here has mentioned is 30 seconds...Still long but when I step out to grab a towel it is literally probably 8 to10 seconds...
It makes you think about it more though...Ugh, 2 minutes is so long!
I'm not saying that it's perfect but I won't fault a parent for literally stepping 5 feet away for seconds to grab something.
If a child falls and takes in one deep breath, and then missing the breath in the next second, they can have "near drowning." The kids with "near drowning" are not included in the drowning statistics if they do not die within a very short period of time. Some of them will die eventually. Some of them will be severely disabled. A victim of near drowning rarely makes it out with a normal life.
Because you were timing your time away, you probably hurried and you did not allow yourself to be distracted. Just grab the towel before you go in. If you forget to, drain the water and then grab the towel. Or take her out and carry her for the 7 seconds wet to get the towel. Or let her stand on the rug for the 7 seconds. Even my 20 month old has slipped backward in the tub suddenly, but thank goodness, I never allow him to be unwatched.
You take more than 7 seconds to strap your child in to a car seat. You do that, not because there is going to be an accident or death every time, but rather, because on the off chance an accident happens, your child will be protected. Well, give your child the 7 seconds to increase the child's chance at life. I would consider water safety to be a bigger issue than car seats. Google near drowning or drowning in bathtub stories. Every single one of those parents wish they could get back this time. 7 seconds to do what could save your child's life, please do that for your little one.
If a child falls and takes in one deep breath, and then missing the breath in the next second, they can have "near drowning." The kids with "near drowning" are not included in the drowning statistics if they do not die within a very short period of time. Some of them will die eventually. Some of them will be severely disabled. A victim of near drowning rarely makes it out with a normal life.
Because you were timing your time away, you probably hurried and you did not allow yourself to be distracted. Just grab the towel before you go in. If you forget to, drain the water and then grab the towel. Or take her out and carry her for the 7 seconds wet to get the towel. Or let her stand on the rug for the 7 seconds. Even my 20 month old has slipped backward in the tub suddenly, but thank goodness, I never allow him to be unwatched.
You take more than 7 seconds to strap your child in to a car seat. You do that, not because there is going to be an accident or death every time, but rather, because on the off chance an accident happens, your child will be protected. Well, give your child the 7 seconds to increase the child's chance at life. I would consider water safety to be a bigger issue than car seats. Google near drowning or drowning in bathtub stories. Every single one of those parents wish they could get back this time. 7 seconds to do what could save your child's life, please do that for your little one.
I don't think that anyone is arguing that we should leave them alone. I'm saying, for me, getting the towel for 7 seconds is something I would do. I'm not telling others to do it. And this may sound very, very callous but you can google thousands of accidents and conditions where there have been horrid outcomes. You can find tearful parents who'd wished their child had gotten a meningitis vaccine, not had a homebirth, had a homebirth, had a c/s, not had a c/s, used a 5 point harness, used a seatbelt.
30 seconds isn't that bad if it's REALLY only 30 seconds. The problem is it's very easy even for the best parents to get distracted so it's best to have a policy where you don't leave the bathroom at all, or don't do baths and just give quick showers. I think quick showers are a lot safer.
30 seconds isn't that bad if it's REALLY only 30 seconds. The problem is it's very easy even for the best parents to get distracted so it's best to have a policy where you don't leave the bathroom at all, or don't do baths and just give quick showers. I think quick showers are a lot safer.
funny enough my daughter fell while I was showering with her...I was literally looking at her and she slid backwards and whacked her head. that said I am still comfortable grabbing a towel (I wasn't hurrying just going through the motion when I timed it) with her in the tub..I know kids drown every day it sucks but like PPs have pointed out, often parents are leaving for a minute or more. Stepping outside the door is different. I don't run to answer the phone or something that is out of my comfort level...
I know the stats on drowning, more related to pools actually (thank you infant resuscitation class) as a PP said you can google a million different accidents regarding deaths of toddlers and infants it's just the way it is. If we really wanted to go there kids should never take a bath, be put in a car or even allowed near a pool or elevated place they can fall.
This is a safety issue, so if one parent is uncomfortable, the other parent should honor that. There are some things DH considers to be safety hazards to DS that I don't consider to be and vice versa. However, if one of us expresses a concern for the safety of our child, the other absolutely respects that. So I'm of the opinion that your DH should respect your concern even if he doesn't share it.
Because you were timing your time away, you probably hurried and you did not allow yourself to be distracted. Just grab the towel before you go in. If you forget to, drain the water and then grab the towel. Or take her out and carry her for the 7 seconds wet to get the towel. Or let her stand on the rug for the 7 seconds. Even my 20 month old has slipped backward in the tub suddenly, but thank goodness, I never allow him to be unwatched.
our bathroom (or MIL's bathroom as it is her house) doesn't have a closet in it! I find this just so weird but anyway our towels are just outside the door and I am always forgetting to grab one, even for myself.
You'd think I'd figure it out by now...You shower/take a bath you need a towel...So simple and so easy to forget.
I understand this, because our bathroom doesn't have a closet in it, either. If you install a set of hooks or a towel bar, you can put a towels in there that stay there until you wash them.
I understand this, because our bathroom doesn't have a closet in it, either. If you install a set of hooks or a towel bar, you can put a towels in there that stay there until you wash them.
yeah we have those as well but people still forget towels. I'm really not going to panic about the fact that I walk around the door and get a towel when I forget one and DD is in the tub. I know the risks I understand it I do, it's my own personal comfort level thats all.
I need some perspective from other families. My husband gives our 20-month old son his bath every night and does a great job. But typically he'll leave the bathroom once or twice, probably for only 30 seconds at most, to take his diaper out, get pajamas that he'd forgotten, etc. They're little things that really don't need doing immediately or that my husband could just call out to me and I'd happily get for him. But it drives me crazy. Our house is small and my husband genuinely isn't gone for very long, and my son is very well behaved in the bath tub - sits quietly playing. But it doesn't take long for a toddler to get in trouble in the bath. I just need to figure out if this is a battle worth fighting. Do you ever step out of the bathroom with a toddler in the tub?
I did - for just the reasons that your dh did. Usually it was a forgotten towel or to toss a diaper in the diaper pail because the smell was getting to me.
Can you time your husband and see how long he's really gone? If he really is just darting out and back, I'd be OK with it. If he's got a tendency to get distracted, or start picking up clothes on the floor or takes longer than 20-30 seconds, I'd say something. If it really bothers you, you can say "You know, I know I'm probably being paranoid, but I get really nervous when you do this. Can you ask me to do this sort of thing so you can stay with ds?"
My husband works in ED. He spent most of his shift last night resuscitating a 2 y.o. who had "only" been left in the bath for 2 minutes.
Was it really only 2 minutes? I'd also say that 2 minutes is different from darting out to get a towel and pjs.
I understand this, because our bathroom doesn't have a closet in it, either. If you install a set of hooks or a towel bar, you can put a towels in there that stay there until you wash them.
Unless, of course, your husband has removed the towels for washing and hasn't remembered to put new ones back. 
I climb out of the shower about once a month and find that dh has done laundry without replacing the towels. The linen closet is 2 steps from the bathroom with the tub. I'm OK leaving a toddler in the tub that long. Our whole upstairs is small.
Was it really only 2 minutes? I'd also say that 2 minutes is different from darting out to get a towel and pjs.
I don't know for sure (cos I wasn't there) but I would think 2 minutes was a reasonable estimate based on the fact that the child was resuscitatable. Much longer than that and I doubt s/he would have made it to ED. It could have been less though, I would say. It doesn't take long for oxygen deprivation to cause unconsciousness.
I agree that 2 minutes is different from just going to get a towel and, I guess if you can be 99.9% sure of not being distracted and taking longer or your child not turning on the hot tap then it's probably ok occasionally but not a great habit to get into, IMO.
Even stepping out of the room for 5-10 seconds isn't a good habit. There are so many things that could pull me away- the door bell, the phone ringing, the teapot, etc. 5 seconds could easily turn into 5 minutes. I'm not saying that other moms here would forget about their babe but I guess I just don't trust myself. Keeping focus isnt my stronghold, so when I leave the bathroom, so does DS.
I totally agree with this. Leaving a young child alone in the bath is never safe. DD is 16 months and although she can hold her own I always stay within reach of her if I am not bathing with her. Accidents happen and it is NOT worth the risk.
I timed my estimated 30 seconds last night after reading here (actually i got DP to time me 4 times while i did the various things i might do, and he averaged them for me). My longest was 23 seconds, my average was 19 seconds. So for some of us the 30second thing is because we're counting too fast in our heads! :)
I definitely think if a person isn't comfortable with this they shouldn't do it, though i personally am comfortable doing so. None of us is immune to tragedy, and bad things can happen no matter what. I don't feel i take undue risks (others may disagree) but despite that i know bad stuff can happen. I do think a lot depends on our kids and the layout of our houses too - i've only had one 20month old so far (DD2 is 11months). And she happened to be a physically capable, happy in water, LOUD bather, so my 30 (19?) seconds out of the bathroom she was singing away the whole time, i could hear she was fine, plus we had taps she couldn't turn on, a full bath mat to help prevent slips and a "non-slip"(she slipped a lot) rubber floor (she fell often, never got a bruise). The house we live in now has a stone flagged floor and the dryer (which was 5 yards from the bath in my teeny apartment) is downstairs, out the backdoor and in the garage here - no WAY would i fetch a towel from it here with the kid in the bath!
BTW - the whole discussion about getting towels (or not getting towels) makes me wonder - do you all have fairly big bathrooms? No bathroom i've ever had had a closet in it, and the one in my teeny apartment was small enough that on at least 3 occasions my DD grabbed my carefully warmed and brought-in-before-bathtime towel and dragged it into the bath! Needless to say, i had to fetch another! :)
We all have different lives and we're all working within our personal comfort zones as loving parents. We all have different approaches to things like this, i find it interesting and humbling to hear how different other lives are.
Follow Mothering