I have not been on here in over a year because I thought after my 2nd m/c that I was definitely done...with all the worrying, heartbreak, and stress of trying to have another one, I was DONE! We have 2 happy, healthy kids who are very independent (11 & 14yrs). Dh and I have talked openly and honestly with each other and it was me who didn't think I could go thru any of it again. I started thinking about quitting my mundane job and doing something completely different and fun for me. I needed a big, big change in my life. Dh agreed I should go for it. So, last week I gave my notice at work and couldn't be happier! Great, right? So then, here comes that baby fever again. And it's roaring. Out of nowhere.
So, here I am, contemplating again. What is wrong with me? Why can't I move on? I know that in 10 years, our kids will both be in college. We'll be able to do all those things we have planned on all along-travel, go "green" with our own garden, just relax and enjoy life. But, I am so afraid that this baby feeling will never, ever go away and eventually (once its too late) I will be sad that I let it slip by and never had the third one I've always wanted, but was too afraid of the changes it would bring to us!
I am 38, dh is nearly 43. We planned on being young parents and youngish grandparents. So far, its worked out. Except that I don't feel done, and I dont' feel too old to have another one. He says he feels old and fears he won't be around for the next one's big life milestones like marriage and grandkids and doesn't want one of our kids to miss out on that. I told him that's insane, anything could happen to either one of us at any time. Who's to say??
So, can anyone relate? Did anyone go on to have another one with an age spread like this? Are you crazy-tired? All the "older" moms I know with young kids are always exhausted! And, really, what is the chance of a special needs child given our ages? That's a whole 'nother ball of 'scary' for me :(
I really need to talk with someone who won't judge (like my mom), who will be honest and helpful!