Getting Dressed for School = huge meltdowns

[Shannie77]

My DD is going to a montessori preschool Mon-Fri in the mornings.  She does not particularly like it but I need her to go so I can work (from home).  At this point we just have a few weeks left and she will not be going back next year.  She just turned 4.  She is very strong willed and persistent!

I am certain most of our problems with getting dressed come from her not wanting to go to school... which I can't change right now.  What I would really love some advice on is how to deal with the huge ordeal getting dressed is for these last few weeks.

I have always let her pick out her outfits, which she usually does easily, except on school days.  On school days she wants to wear her ballet tutu's, costumes etc.  There are two ballet outfits which I do allow her to wear because paired with leggings and a top underneath they are acceptable.  I try to be accommodating but there are some things that just are not appropriate for school (distracting to the other kids, can't sit in etc...).  I try to be really gentle, playful etc... but the end result is almost always her screaming and crying and getting all worked up.  I try staying calm and making suggestions but she just gets more and more angry.  Then I get mad too - which sometimes leads me to trying to force outfits on... which doesn't work anyways.  usually we just have to wait it out... or if she happens to hurt herself (from all the kicking and thrashing) that often gets her focused on her cut, bruise... whatever, then I sympathize and can gently make a suggestion which she usually takes.

We have tried without success:

giving her a choice of two outfits

picking out an outfit the night before

taking her shopping for a couple new school outfits

getting dressed early to leave time for tantrums... if she gets dressed willingly then often just before school she rips of the outfit

getting dressed last minute - often means she is late

we haven't tried a sticker chart, but have for night weaning and my child seems totally unaffected & uninterested in rewards... 

If anyone has any advice... or at the very least can sympathize I would really love to hear from you.  It is so frustrating to try day after day to create a nice calm morning and for it to end in tears so often.

Thanks in advance!!

[MountainMamaGC]

This is going to sound weird but if it works I would be all for it. Maybe dress her in her school clothes before bed. Obviously jeans wouldnt be too comfortable, but my DD has plenty of outfits that are just as comfy as PJs. Maybe its silly, but with the way my child melts down I would totally do it if it helped.

[reezley]

That sounds tough.  I have boys (and therefore no ballet tutus!) and have not had quite that level of trouble with getting them dressed in the morning - but here is my idea anyway!  Can any ballet outfits put away so they are not an option at all?  Is it possible to only have school-appropriate clothes available?  Maybe the ballet-only outfits could live at the ballet school? 

My other idea is to let her wear her pajamas to school, but pack the change of regular clothes to change into when you get there, either in the car or inside the school.  I've done that a couple times with my 4yo ds, when he really was attached the idea of wearing his pajamas.  Once we're in the school setting he usually sees that it's really time to change the clothes.  I also agree with trying to have pajamas that are also acceptable day clothes, so you don't need to get dressed at all if she doesn't want to.

[Shaki]

Does she have a favorite outfit? Both my DD (5) and my Niece (almost 4) are going through intense clothes phases right now. They each havea few outfits that they like...anything else they refuse to wear and if forced it causes lots of meltdowns and frustration (for the parents as well). This winter my DD was driving me nuts with her clothes freak outs--I made my news years resolution to not get involved in what she wore anymore except to make sure it was weather appropriate. Since then things have calmed down quite a bit. MY DD has one favorite outfit and she wants to wear it every day so I just wash it every night (or most every night). My sister has had to do the same thing with DN--she has a favorite dress that she wears everyday so my sister just washes it every night.  In talking with other Moms this seems to be pretty common, even for boys. So maybe if your DD has a favorite outfit that she's be happy to wear all the time you can just keep it reasonably clean and let her do that?

By the way my DD is slowly coming out of this phase. She has asked for some new clothes and I've told her that I won't buy her anything new until I see her wearing a bigger variety of clothes, because I'm not going to waste money on stuff she won't wear.  She recently got two new skirts and a pair of shoes, but then fell back into her old pattern of only wearing the one outfit. She keeps asking for this other skirt she saw at Target. I've told her after I see her wearing the new stuff we already got (that she picked out and swore up and down that she would wear) I will consider getting her the Target skirt.

Good luck!!!  :)

[LynnS6]

I second the getting dressed before bed.

If it helps, every picture I have of dd from preschool the year she was 3 has her wearing one leotard with a skirt. She was convinced it was a dress.