Need help getting 14moth old to sleep through the night!!

[goober7686]

I have a 14 month old son who wont sleep through the night.  He does go to bed late and we cant seem to get him to bed earlier.  His bedtime is usually between 9:30-10.  We are able to get him to fall asleep in bed with us and then we move him into his crib.  From there he wakes up in the middle on the night and my husband gets him and brings him into our bed.  This is what we need to stop.  But even when he is in our bed he is still waking up in the middle of the night.  I have tried the crying method and going in every 5mins and then 10 mins and so on. That lasted about a week and it seemed to be working, I only had to go in there once.  But after a week he started to get worse again and was screaming as if something was wrong.  Does anyone have any suggestions on how to get him to fall asleep in his own crib by himself?

[ssh]

It's really normal for babies that age to wake during the night and need a warm adult body to sleep next to. The idea that babies should go to sleep on their own is a purely western one that isn't based on biology or evolution.  Night waking is really common until after 2 years old, and then it's not unusual.  Here's a link to some studies http://www.kellymom.com/parenting/sleep/sleepstudies.html . You would probably get the most sleep as a family by co-sleeping and just nursing your DS back to sleep every time he wakes. Here's a link to an expert in normal baby sleep http://nd.edu/~jmckenn1/lab/ . The "crying method" causes permanent neurological damage by exposing your DS to the stress hormone cortisol excessively. Here's a link http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/linda_folden_palmer2.html and another http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/1998/04.09/ChildrenNeedTou.html . 

[syn_ack89]

Ssh posted lots of good info.

My older son didn't sttn until 2.5 yrs. My 19 mo old still wakes often. Children won't sttn until they are ready...I've come to accept that there is really nothing to "make" them sleep.

[Youngfrankenstein]

No advice other than don't worry about it.  I have 4 kids and the first three all slept pretty traditionally: in the crib, slept through the night by one year.  This 4th baby is a different story.  After spending a year trying to do things "right" we just do what works.  I know it won't last forever.  If we had a king-sized bed she would probably co-sleep with us. There's really no room and she thrashes about during her sleep.   A few nights I've spent on the floor with her, some dh slept downstairs and she slept with me.  What we do now is I have taken the 4th side off of her crib and it's more like an open toddler bed.  I have a bedrail and it keeps her in there.  We are now at the point where she lays down with her binky and blankie and I sing to her for a little bit while sitting on the floor next to the bed.  Then I quietly work on my crossword or read until she falls asleep.  This hasn't made her sleep through the night but it has gotten us back to having our own bed and to me not sleeping on the floor.  It has also changing night waking less frequent and just a nurse then back to sleep. (I was having problems laying her down for a few months.)

[Manka]

Hi YoungFrankenstein,

How did you overcome the problems of laying her down.My 13mth son wont lay down to relax enough to fall asleep (he only nurses to sleep & so we have multiple night wakings) - i'd like to get him to do what your DD is doing, laying down in his crib & falling asleep - alone ... Any tips/advise ?

Thx

[1colt4me]

hi,

First I would like to say I think the bedtime is probably not an issue. Just so long as he is getting enough sleep. Second I was wondering, why is it so important that he sleep in his own bed? If you really need him to, I understand. But if you think thats what should be happening I think you should consider giving both you and your little one some grace. Every baby has different night time needs. He may just still need you.

But since you asked for advice this is what I have to offer...

First off you did not say whether or not you are nursing, so will assume you are not or have at least tackled night-weaning already.

Second, this is what we had to do with my oldest. Once he was night-weaned (at 18 mo). We got him a toddler bed first and side-cared it to our bed. He could have cuddles with us for a little while each night then he would slide over to his own bed. He did not always enjoy this but I was right there with him. He was within reach of me. and I could sing, rub his back etc... If he woke in the night I was right there to cuddle and then back over to his own bed. This trasitioned over the next two years to his own twin bed on the other side of our room and now he can fall asleep in his own bed, if he has a nightmare he calls me and I might lay with him for a few minutes or just rubb his back, but mostly now he just sleeps through the night. Now  that he has a little brother who is getting to the age that we can also start the transition to his own bed. We are considering giving them the bedroom and my DH and I moving to another room. (they will use the big bedroom more any way right? Anyway, that is my best suggestion based on my experience only. I will share that Dr. Jay  Gordon has some great insight on sleep transistions -  http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

In the meantime, I would encourage you to remember this is just a season, exhausting but temporary.

[Youngfrankenstein]

Originally Posted by Manka 

Hi YoungFrankenstein,

How did you overcome the problems of laying her down.My 13mth son wont lay down to relax enough to fall asleep (he only nurses to sleep & so we have multiple night wakings) - i'd like to get him to do what your DD is doing, laying down in his crib & falling asleep - alone ... Any tips/advise ?

Thx

She's not falling asleep alone for bedtime.  She used to lay down for naps and I'd say goodbye and leave and she'd fall asleep on her own but she would never do that at night.  At 13 months I frankly would just get the child to sleep by rocking, laying in your bed with you, watching TV on the couch, etc.  She hasn't nursed to sleep since she was a little baby but she still wakes at night.  Just do what works.  There are many kids who say goodnight and let mom walk away and fall asleep and there are many who don't.  Don't view it as a problem if your little one is the latter.  It's very normal.

[Manka]

Thanks Young Frankenstein - lots of good info ! All the best with your yound DD