The first thing that I want to put out there is this: what you think you want may not be what you want. It may also be exactly what you want, but you'll also have to negotiate it through one other human being -- your husband. :) That's ok, there are ways *through* to get the exact vision of what you want (which may or may not be as minimal as you have described) and what he wants too.
I thought I would go point by point. Just for fun.
-No books, dvds, cds. That's what e-readers and iPods are for.
I find that I am heading this direction, but DH is not.
He likes "thingness" and so to "give in" to that, he has kept his absolute favorite CDs, books, and and DVDs. I also kept my favorites. I had far fewer that I read over and over. Anything else, I use the library and I'm considering a kindle/reader (but I have no explicit need right now). None of my music is on CD -- it's all ipod. I don't really collect DVDs; I rent them.
What we own would probably take up one tall book shelf.
-Very minimal clothes for everyone. (7 each tops, bottoms, underwear, socks, pjs?)
We do this; it's quite nice. It does mean things wear out more quickly, so you might have to replace them. But, if everything is mix-and-match, it works great. I have 56 items of clothing total.
-1 place setting per family member.
We do this too. Works great -- we have so few dishes. :) I think we have a spare setting for a guest or two, but we usually just borrow dishes from a neighbor. :) It's nice having nice neighbors. In fact, our 'pot luck' Is really "bring your own table setting" and we provide the food. it's very funny. :D
-1 bath towel and hand towel per person.
We only do the bath towel per person. We don't use wash clothes or hand towels that often. That being said, we use one hand towel in the bathroom for a week (unless it gets really dirty), and we have two wash clothes that we use as we need them.
-Very minimal toys: smaller amount of Legos, crayons & paper, doll?
God help me if my ILs send legos. But yeah, we are serious toy minimalists.
-Small personal stash of memorabilia.
-Kitchen only has the tools and pans we actually use.
Yes, we do this too!
-Wedding album, baby videos, and family pictures on CD.
Yes. we use thumb drives.
-What if we have another little girl/little boy and I need these baby girl/baby boy/maternity clothes?
You will be ok. You will be able to replace these items at a good price -- particularly used. Amazing really.
-There's nothing wrong with this _____.
True! So someone else can use it!
-My dd is not a baby anymore and if I get rid of her baby clothes, it will be too sad.
This is normal grief. It's ok that something is passing away.
-This will come back in fashion. It always does.
If you are not wearing it, someone else can.
-This was expensive.
Yes, I hate wasting money. I know how that is. But if you aren't using it, then it's just clutter.
Then dh and I have a fight about it, b/c I just want to rent a dumpster and put everything either in the dumpster or on a donation truck. He wants to have a yard sale/give this ___ to his brothers/give this ___ to a friend.
I highly recommend an auction house. This way, you can make some money, and do it all at once. You don't even have to go to the auction -- they'll just send you the money.
So, I would do it thus. Agree with your DH. If he wants to give X to a brother or a friend, then he can. But he must do it by the date that the auction house is picking up the various items that they are picking up.
We did this when we did our massive purge (to move to NZ). After we gave things away, tried a yard sale (and made about $100, not worth our time or effort), made donations, and recycled/trashed what couldn't be sold, etc, we called the auction house. They set up a date and came and got everything. And that was that. Done at once. We were sent a check for several hundred dollars (there wasn't much left after we'd done everything before hand), and now I wish I'd just done that to start with. So easy.
It satisfies the various needs -- your need to purge, his need to get money for things AND the opportunity to give it to his brother/friend/etc. If he doesn't do it by date X, then it goes to auction and that's that. Puts the responsibility on him, but gets it done.
Good luck with it all. :)
And then, voila, I get stuck in a depressive, sobbing spiral. So if you have any thoughts, be gentle. Most of these things, I can see objective answers to, but it doesn't help.