Begining Transition. Could use some ideas

[1colt4me]

My DH and I just began the process for separation. Our goal is not devorce. But I cannot tollorate his choices anymore and he refuses to get couseling.  I feel this is my last resort to wake him up that changes need to be made. that is not the issue though. We have two yong children,  a 1yr old and 4 yr old. Wondering with such young children how you arranged visitation/custody. I would like to be equal as possible, but both children are very attached to me and the baby is still nursing a lot. He has struggled with solid foods and is not yet able to be away from me for extended periods of time. The older child is very much attached to me at night we have always bedshared/co-slept.

I have been a stay at home mom also the bulk of our marriage. What is a reasonable request for support of two children and possibly myself until I can obtain employment.

Also how much say should grandparents have? My in-laws are demanding visitation also. Can they do that if DH does not request visitation? I think if they want to see the children in should be on DH time not mine.

[tccandlsccmom]

First, big hug!

Second, have you consulted an attorney?  You need to protect yourself and your kids... As for support, there are state-by-state guidelines for that...you should check it out.

Third, grandparents do not have independent rights. You are correct that it should be on their father's time...

Finally, you should be able to argue for limited-time visits given the breastfeeding, though frankly if this moves in to a courtroom there are some judges who will not get BF'g beyond 6 months old, so alas you need to be careful...sadly...  One of the issues in my current custody battle is extended breastfeeding, and my attorney informs me that it is very judge-dependent.

Again, big hug.  Keep the faith.  Do what you know is right for you and your kids.  That is the essence of good parenting!

[1colt4me]

Thank for the in-sight. I'll be looking into you suggestions :)

[NolaRiordan]

Yes, to everything the PP said. I would consult an attorney just to be sure you are protected. A legal separation may be a good way to go.

Also as far as visitation you may want to set up a plan that starts with small periods of time and builds up to longer periods of time to help the kids with the transition.

[sparklefairy]

My first thoughts was: "remember that this is that part that it hard. It will feel neverending, and it will feel like you can't do it. You can. You don't need the epidural :=)" but that's just what the word "transition" makes me think.