Self Discipline, How do they do it?

[PeacemongerMom]

One thing I noticed at the school my son attended was the children were very self disciplined. I think this is the highest and the only genuine form of discipline there is. For example, I saw children lined up by a classroom doorway, waiting for someone. They were getting restless and starting to creep toward the hall. One boy said, she isn't here yet, let's wait inside so others can get by, and that's just what they did. Without any grumbling or complaining and they waited, orderly and quietly, with no adult in sight. That's only one example.

I love that they don't need an adult or the threat of one, hovering about, in order for them to make good choices. I know, I have known quite a few children who appear to be kind and well behaved only  when they think an adult is in sight or ear shot but can be quite the opposite when they think no one knows.

I really want to know, how do they do it? What do you do? What can I do at home with my son to foster that in him?

[Calliope84]

I think it is the order and routine and the choices / respect they are given. I think at home one could do AP style parenting, but then have set routines and rules and expect them to be obeyed. Giving the child choices and keeping everything orderly and simple would also help. I think if I were a child again, that sort of parenting would make me feel very safe and secure and if my parents had high standards for me without putting me down or being mean if I didn't always meet them and if I also saw that my parents were polite and had self-discipline themselves, I think I would strive to be like them. I think a lot of adults don't always have self-discipline, themselves. Two books I like that I think could help a parent create this in their home are Simplicity Parenting and Soul of Adulthood.

[Anandamama]

The children at my DD's Montessori school also tend to have great social skills and a lot of problem-solving ability.  I'm a Montessori teacher who has worked in toddler and primary classes.  We spend a lot of time walking the children through how to speak to each other respectfully, expressing their own needs, feelings and observations.  We don't quickly identify a 'culprit' and punish them. We hardly do rewards or punishments at all.  I think that is a big part of it - rewards (including praise) and punishment cultivate extrinsic motivation; a more cooperative, respectful, "blame free" approach cultivates people who are intrisically motivated.  I wrote an essay on this very topic awhile back.  Maybe I can figure out a way to link to it here.

[lach]

I wonder this too, because I've noticed it too.

Something else that I've noticed is that the multi-age classroom seems to really make the children help eachother and look out for eachother. My daughter was one of the youngest in her classroom this year, and practically every day she'd come home and tell me how one of the "big kids" showed her something or helped her with something.  At the birthday parties I've been to where the whole class is invited, the older children have helped the younger ones quite a bit: a kindergarten boy patiently helped DD unwrap her cupcake from the little wrapper just last week, before he even started eating his.  

I think that, in turn, this makes her more interested in helping the other children.  Next year she'll be in her second year, and I assume that her experience this year will lay out the expectation that she is nice to the new young students and helps them out.  Honestly, I think that peer pressure is VERY important at this age.  Humans are social creatures, and kids are just sponges who are soaking up how to act in the world. When they see another child do something, they think "Ah, so that's how it works!  I'll do that too."  And sometimes, that's not so great, LOL. But sometimes it really is.

Now if only she were this kind to her little brother!  I definitely need to figure that out.