Torn between having an UC and making birth a social event

[emma1325]

I have a homebirth midwife who is open to the possibility that I may be delivering alone.  She knows that I have fast births (birth #1 lasted 5 hours, birth #2 lasted 1 1/2 hours) and she may not make it.  She knows I am not afraid of delivering alone (or with only my husband and children present).  She has a 45 minute drive so if I have a super fast labor she probably won't be there during the birth.

We are in agreement that she'll be on her way and will assist afterward though.  But it seems I have two options...if I really want to do it alone, I can choose to simply not call her until, perhaps, after the baby is born and I feel the need to have her assist.  Or, I can call her the second I go into labor, let her be on her way, and also invite my loved ones to share in the birth.  I have a 17 year old cousin who would LOVE to witness the birth (and I think it would be a great experience for her) and a couple of friends who are begging to attend.

So now I feel torn as to what I really want.  On one hand, I think it would be lovely to have a homebirth "social event" shared by friends and family.  Perhaps video taped and shared with friends and family online.

On the other hand, I also can see myself going into sudden labor, quietly slipping into my bathtub, having the baby, and having those first few moments alone with the baby before I even call my husband in.

I guess I know that I'm simply going to follow my instincts in the moment, but I still wanted to post about it here and get some insight from experienced home/unassisted birthers.

:)

[ElizabethE]

I think that others pose too much of a distraction and provide too much stimuli to birthing moms. Even if they are quiet and calm, we sense their presence and their various energies. I think that it often triggers our primal fight/flight modes too, even if we know and love the people present. It will vary from person to person and is based on their individual relationships, but generally speaking I think private makes for far better labors (and thus, healthier moms and babies).

The video camera could be a good option, but some people even feel that presence makes for too much of an "observer". I tried to tape my birth, anyway. :)

[HisBeautifulWife]

Everyone has to do whatever they are comfortable with, but to me birth is private; it is not a Superbowl party. I always find it a bit interesting when people want to see around having tea and cake like it is time for an afternoon luncheon. I'd never want to sit around at someones birth and I definitely wouldn't want anyone at mine- but everyone is different.

[sosurreal09]

I had DD in a birthcenter but I kicked out the nurse and MW for the majority of my labor lol I did not invite anyone either. DH slept through it b/c he thought I was sleeping (in reality I was just really focused on my hypnobabies) I wanted no one there and no one touching me! I didn't know it would be that way though. I thought I would want "help" and support during labor but like PP said my instincts wanted me alone.

Plan whatever you would like, but let everyone know if that changes they can't get mad!

[lizzie]

I had planned with my first birth - not a u/c, nor intended to be one - to have moms, sisters and such there. Dh objected on the grounds that it was OUR experience, not theirs, and while I was kind of surprised, I honored that. I was SO glad I did. I was so much happier with the minimum number of people there...

Later I read that for every observer a birthing mother has, it adds a good two hours to her labor - I *think* that was Michael Odent who asserted that, I can't say for sure, but I think it has more impact on us than we realize. I've gone from feeling the need to share what a "good birther" I am with people who would certainly benefit from that experience (witnessing a relatively easy birth) to feeling that giving birth has much more in common with conception than with a tea party, so I now demand the minimum number of people there (right now it's me and dh) and am (due to a lot of things - fully supportive of UC but things changed for us) now planning a birth as hands-off as possible with an agreeable / supportive midwife at a birth center.

[newsolarmomma2]

My UC attempt ended in transfer, and I had DH and my parents there. BIG mistake. while DH was great, my parents were awful. They don't get along with DH and couldn't put the ill feelings aside long enough to make it pleasant. Even if they had gotten along, I found their presence irritating. the labor was looooooooong, and ended in CS, so it's different from your situation.

You CAN have a little of both- let your cousin and DH attend, and send the kids out with everyone else. Once your baby is here, then you can have your social event!

best wishes! I hope my next labor is short!

[sapphire_chan]

In retrospect, I would've actually done a lot better with  a big distracting crowd of friends in the early stages of labor.

[IwannaBanRN]

I am taping my UC and only having me and my partner present. I feed off of others' energy in a major way, and it effects me. I would be too focused on being happy go lucky between contractions that I wouldn't focus on it being as painfree as possible.

[riverview9]

imagine yourself in labor and is having your family their distracting or uncomfortable? I think birth is a very intimate act and I can't imagine having people around watching me. At times even my husbands presence irritates me. I think labor is meant to be a lone experience. Veterinarians know not to disturb a laboring animal because it can cause complications or stall labor. I'm not saying your an animal but labor is instinctual and animalistic. 

[IwannaBanRN]

Originally Posted by riverview9 

imagine yourself in labor and is having your family their distracting or uncomfortable? I think birth is a very intimate act and I can't imagine having people around watching me. At times even my husbands presence irritates me. I think labor is meant to be a lone experience. Veterinarians know not to disturb a laboring animal because it can cause complications or stall labor. I'm not saying your an animal but labor is instinctual and animalistic. 

To me, labor, when it is done without medical intervention, IS PRIMAL. You tune into your body and let your instincts and body take over. Your mind, if you allow, does not control your body anymore because nature intended the baby to come out. Your brain wants it to stay in. Your brain will fight contractions. Your body wants to work with them.

[peetred]

i would make it as private as possible, JMO. I agree.. birth is primal. I had a 4 1/2 hour labor with surprise breech.. and I did tones the entire time and just went "into" myself... I liken it to pooping in front of my husband. I can do it in front of him... with no issues.. but if there was a room full of people I would have felt self conscious. You need to be in a place where you can let go without any worries. To me, that is the key to a pain free, amazing birth. But that's just me and that's because that is what I found to be true for me.

[accountclosed3]

i'm actually thinking that it is possible to have both.

as sapphire asserts -- having someone there in early labor -- could be very helpful. so, you could have a party then. AND then slip away to have hte baby -- just make sure everyone knows the rules. If you're out and about in the social area, then cool. if you slip away (say, to your bedroom), then that's a no-go-zone. maybe have one person designated who has permission to come in and check on you (DP?) or a bell in case you need someone (and that being ONE person who can come at the sound of the bell).

then you can decide if you wnat to stay private or if you want to go back into the living room or something. :)