How do you go about a night out? (co sleeping, nursing to sleep...)

[Amanda1]

We are attending the wedding of good friends in just over a week. Guests that are from around here have been asked to not bring kids ( out of town guests can).

My mom will babysit for us and ds is used to her as she looks after him often in the day time and we are living with her this month!

My problem is that he nurses to sleep every night and has only once (2 weeks ago) fallen asleep with out me and that was with daddy who put him in the stroller. He will take a bottle if he has to but will not fall asleep with it.

A month ago I would not have been too concerned but in the last few weeks for what ever reason he is super attached to me and freaks out when I leave the room. It also takes me up to 2 hrs of laying with him nursing while he goes to sleep ( used to be 15 min)

I am getting really nervous and not sure what to do. I am really looking forward to what is sure to be a great night with so many old friends but I am afraid that I will either have to go home really early or be worried all night. 

I could ask to bring him for the evening, Even though the couple have a 19 month old them selves they dont understand the problem, they did  formula since 3 months, i think they did CIO, and have no worries about leaving their ds even if hes screaming for hrs, and he has slept all night, in his own room since 6 months. Just very different from our choices.

So I guess my question is what would you do and do you have any tips that might help?

Thanks

[octobermom]

 A few questions first...

How old is baby? What time and how far is the wedding/party what time is your babies ussual bedtime? Did the extra clingyness start around the time you received the invite? Is he teething?

Deanna

[D_McG]

From your other posts it looks like he's about a year? It's hard to imagine I know but he'll be fine.  Even the worst case scenario (that he cries a lot) he'll be held and loved and just fine.  Have a great night!

[McGucks]

Can he fall asleep from a car ride?  Maybe your mom can ride around with him until he drifts off?  And, BTW, I hear you about the clinginess...our LO is 13 m.o. and just easing up with what was a hard-core phase of it.  He didn't even want daddy (whom he usually adores) unless I was within a couple feet of him.  It is a rough time.  I had to take two minute showers (if I wanted to bathe that badly) and listen to him being very sad with DH.  Good luck with both the evening out and the clinginess.  DS' seemed to possibly be related to his molar coming in.  It finally broke through and he eased up on needed me right next to him all the time.

We have not gone out since he was born (just the two of us, I mean, like on a date) yet, but when we do, it'll most likely be a lunch date or something.  Nights are a time we just kind of can't mess with...DS can't go to sleep without me/without nursing.  I am a homebody anyhow, so it's not a big issue with anyone EXCEPT MIL who keeps telling me we need to go on a date so she can babysit...no.  I make sure she sees him 1x/wk. and that is plenty plenty plenty IMO.  Whoops, MIL rant.  Sorry.

p.s.:  Another option would be to honestly explain to your friends the situation.  If they are cool with your bringing him, you may need to just accept that you can't stay as long as you'd like and that you may need to sit near an exit, but at least you would get to go to the wedding and maybe hang out for a bit afterwords.  If you think they'd think you were nuts for not being okay with leaving your LO for an evening, though, it may not be worth it.

[Amanda1]

Originally Posted by octobermom 

 A few questions first...

How old is baby? What time and how far is the wedding/party what time is your babies ussual bedtime? Did the extra clingyness start around the time you received the invite? Is he teething?

Deanna

I dont know why I forgot to put his age!!! He will be 1 just a few days after the wedding.

The church ceremony is at 12 30 and the reception starts at 5 30. Since they are so spread apart I will come home in between for awhile and nurse him/ play.

The wedding is only about 15 min from home, I could come home if he got upset but I would love to be able to have a couple of drinks with friends (nothing crazy, but I wont drive after more than 1)

The other thing I should have mentioned was that he is a night owl and wont go to bed till 9, which can be pushed till after 10 easy and later if he has an afternoon/ early evening nap. The thing is that either way be 8 30 he wants me and me only.

I guess the easiest thing would be to bring him and  he'd love being there and the attention but I feel kinda funny asking them.

Its dh's friend getting married (i'm also friends with the wife to be) and when he called to tell dh about the no kids rule dh responded by kinda saying that I wouldnt be too happy with that, the friend getting married just kinda laughed about it.

The clinginess started I think when I tried to go to the gym 2 times last week and put him in the gym childminding, both times I was paged back in just a few min. (I'm not going to go again till after the wedding). The first few days after he wanted only me but now daddy will do, or grandma if hes in the right mood

He could be teething too but I dont see any and he never had problems with the first 8 teeth at all

He will sleep in the car but as soon as he is out of the car seat he will look for the boob and wake up if its not there.

We have actually went out quite a bit but always during the day time or early evening. He is absolutly fine with my mom during the day for hrs at a time and I think has more fun than if he was with me.

Idealy I would love to go, have a few drinks, dance the night away with my friends (who are coming from the other side of the world!!!) and not be worried that he was home screaming,,, but its not an ideal world so I have to figure out the next best thing.

[D_McG]

Definitely don't ask to bring him.  They seem to have made it clear that they want minimal children and really a nighttime wedding is no place for a child anyway, IMO.  

Just go and have your drinks and pay extra attention to your friends and husband to keep your mind focused.  Your child gets your attention every other hour of the day.  Just take and enjoy the break.  Even the worst case scenario is not that big a deal in the grand scheme of things.  And I really would be that he'll be TOTALLY fine!

[AKislandgirl]

I think since they called and said no kids you really shouldn't ask to bring him. I think the timing of events is in your favor though. Come home and give him an early nap if possible and lots of attention between events. Even if you leave by 9:00 you will still have been at the reception for several hours. I think you'll have a great time. He'll be fine and likely only be missing you a little bit since he's with someone he is comfortable with. Good luck and have fun!

[APToddlerMama]

Could you go home and put him to bed if he is screaming and stay out if not?  I guess 2 hours for bedtime is a pretty big chunk of time so maybe that wouldn't work.  I was in the same position with my DS around this age and we did end up leaving early.  We still had a great time and I didn't feel right about leaving DS screaming with my parents despite the fact that they obviously love him.  We were just kind of "on call" for when he started getting cranky.  I definitely wouldn't ask for him to be allowed to come, although that would definitely make things easier.  Good luck and have fun!

[TheGirls]

I don't think it sounds so bad!  I'd keep a cellphone on and have your parents call when he gets too cranky to handle, honestly.  If the reception starts at 5:30 you'll have at least 3-4 hours to hang with friends before he's likely to need you.   And maybe longer if he does better than expected with grandma!  My kids often surprise me in situations like that.  We left DD with my SIL for a reunion awhile back and she did awesome until like 9:30-10, which was a shock to me!  But she was having fun with her auntie.  I came home, she wasn't crying but was definitely cranky, I put her to bed, and she slept pretty hard that night! 

[Greenlea]

I am having the same dilemma, except I'm in the wedding and its and out of town wedding.  Plus my DS will only be 9mths at the time of the wedding.  Last week I left him with my mom so we could go out and we could see how he did with some formula.  He would take a bottle at all, wanted to nurse to bed.  He was not fussy or upset with my mom, he just wouldn't take the bottle.  We came home early so I could put him to bed.

I would say in your case, since the wedding is so close, is let your mom try to put him to bed first.  If he's screaming and crying for you for a while, then go home an nurse him to bed.  Hopefully he'll fall right asleep and then you can go back to the wedding.

[Mal85]

You say he knows his grandmother well and is close to her. I would really try not to worry about it. He may or may not go to sleep for her. He may not go to sleep the same way you would put him to sleep. I have found with my daughter (who loves having sleepovers at her grandparents' house), they do things differently than I would because they do what works for them. Just like you do with him, you just make it work and so will grandma. She'll figure out her own way of making bedtime work for them. You go and enjoy the wedding and be glad you have someone to help you out that loves him and cares about him just as much as you do!