dh's spring decluttering (vent)

[pear-shaped]

So we're doing the change of seasonal clothing. I pulled out all the boxes of my husband's summer clothes and told him to pick out what he thinks he'll wear. He went through them and picked out more than he will ever wear, same as every other year. In November when the weather changes I will have to wash all of it before putting it away again. When he finished picking out what he wanted, he told me to look through everything left and see if there were anything he never wears because there was no sense in keeping it anymore. 

So the next day I looked through everything and found lots of things to toss but I told myself to just focus on a few things so that he wouldn't feel overwhelmed. I picked out three polo shirts, including one with mold on it, two very faded and dated t-shirts and a pair of athletic shorts that probably last fit him two decades ago. I've never seen him wear any of those things. Ever. For as long as I've known him. You all know where this is going, don't you? He only let the moldy shirt go, and that was after a long discussion about how even if I washed it we'd have to keep it separate because it would probably get moldy again. He didn't want to get rid of the polo shirts because the only reason he doesn't wear them is that he is overweight and they don't look good. Right, last year when he wasn't overweight, he didn't wear them because they weren't a brand name. There's always an excuse.

We are running out of space in our closets, but even worse, I'm the one who has to take care of all of these clothes that he never wears and it's my fault if they ever get ruined.

I am so tired of having to waste my precious time cleaning stuff that doesn't get used!

[Katico]

My DH does this too, and it drives.me.crazy.  He will fully admit that he never wears or uses an item but them refuses to let it go because "it's still good" or "so and so gave that to me".  Luckily, he is also rather forgetful about things and unless I  shove these things in his face and ask what he wants, he forgets they are even there.  If I were you, I would pack them up again this last time in a separate box and next year, 'forget' to bring them out.  If he doesn't notice, pitch them!

[ChristyMarie]

Why are you dealing with it?  They are his clothes, let him figure it out.  He is perfectly capable of washing them, getting them out and putting them away.

[Youngfrankenstein]

What about culling yourself and boxing everything up.  If he doesn't ask for it in a certain amount of time, 6 months to a year, donate it.

[pear-shaped]

Originally Posted by Katico 

My DH does this too, and it drives.me.crazy.  He will fully admit that he never wears or uses an item but them refuses to let it go because "it's still good" or "so and so gave that to me".  Luckily, he is also rather forgetful about things and unless I  shove these things in his face and ask what he wants, he forgets they are even there.  If I were you, I would pack them up again this last time in a separate box and next year, 'forget' to bring them out.  If he doesn't notice, pitch them!

"It's still good" is the worst. If it's so good then why doesn't it get worn? In the past I have packed all the stuff he apparently didn't want in a box hoping it could disappear, but he remembers everything and he even changes his mind about things from year to year. Or he thinks he does, he'll pull something out of the box and then it'll just sit in a drawer unworn instead!

Originally Posted by ChristyMarie 

Why are you dealing with it?  They are his clothes, let him figure it out.  He is perfectly capable of washing them, getting them out and putting them away.

I wish! I won't go into details, but he's an Italian man and we live in Italy...To be fair, he's not as bad as most men here, but he is so busy with his job (he works at least 12 hrs a day, 7 days a week) that it really wouldn't get done if I didn't do it. Or all the boxes and clothes would be spread out for weeks while he worked on it. Believe it or not, this way is so much easier.
 

I'm beginning to think that there won't be any real solution until we run out of closet space. Or he runs out of space, I should say. I'll wash his clothes, etc., but I will not give up any of my closet space for his stuff, and neither will I let him have any of dd's space! Fortunately he likes a tidy house (see the part above about the Italian man living in Italy, lol) so it would never get to the point that there would be piles of his things around. I estimate that we have a couple more years before he won't be able to stuff everything into the space he has.

[philomom]

My guy gets one side of the closet and five drawers. When he runs out of hangers or the drawers get full.. he knows its time to get rid of anything holey or stained. I don't even have to say much.

[Crayfish]

I kind of see getting clothes out for him. I kind of see not tossing his excess clothes without his permission. But I certainly don't see any need to keep so many clothes out and then wash them at the end of the season. I'd suggest taking a selection from what he picked, and packing the rest away again. If he remembers a specific item, he can go dig in the boxes and find it himself.

Crayfish

[Jane]

I recently read an article about italian attitudes and some ridiculous % of men didn't know how to use the washing machine. I think it was in newsweek and describing a backlash on women as meat.
I'm not against division of labor, even on gender lines. I mean, my father didn't know how to use the washing machine either. But my mother never mowed the lawn, ever, or took out a single garbage can. It can work out well if its working. No judgement.

My husband is a hoarder of clothing. Nothing really works. I just keep going through things and we get rid of a few at a time. I'd never ever get rid of stuff without his permission - that would be a huge violation of trust. Sometimes we try on stuff and get rid of stuff that way. I try to be a good example. Sometimes we try to come up with a good number of shirts for him. Like, is 20 t-shirts you can't wear to work enough? Let's pick the best 20 you have and store 10 more and get rid of the rest so your drawer closes.
Also helpful, the in-and-out - like, 6 new pairs of underwear come in, the rattiest 6 pairs leave.
I'm not sure any of these will help you out, but I hope so.

[pear-shaped]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jane 

I recently read an article about italian attitudes and some ridiculous % of men didn't know how to use the washing machine. I think it was in newsweek and describing a backlash on women as meat.
I'm not against division of labor, even on gender lines. I mean, my father didn't know how to use the washing machine either. But my mother never mowed the lawn, ever, or took out a single garbage can. It can work out well if its working. No judgement.

My husband is a hoarder of clothing. Nothing really works. I just keep going through things and we get rid of a few at a time. I'd never ever get rid of stuff without his permission - that would be a huge violation of trust. Sometimes we try on stuff and get rid of stuff that way. I try to be a good example. Sometimes we try to come up with a good number of shirts for him. Like, is 20 t-shirts you can't wear to work enough? Let's pick the best 20 you have and store 10 more and get rid of the rest so your drawer closes.
Also helpful, the in-and-out - like, 6 new pairs of underwear come in, the rattiest 6 pairs leave.
I'm not sure any of these will help you out, but I hope so.

Yes, apparently there had been some improvement in the status of Italian women in the twentieth century but from the 80s (I think) and 90s on, they've lost some ground, largely due to the image of women put forth in the media, which is dominated by the current prime minister, Berlusconi. Just to give you an idea of we have to deal with here, he once responded to a question about an increase in rapes of women by saying that Italy had too many beautiful women for it's soldiers to protect or some nonsense like that...lately he's been embroiled in a prostitution scandal and he has proclaimed that it's inconceivable that he would pay for sex because women are always chasing after him.

I've tried the x items in, x items out with him, but he resisted it. I like the idea of establishing numbers of items to keep, though. That might work, especially of the numbers were high enough.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Crayfish 

I kind of see getting clothes out for him. I kind of see not tossing his excess clothes without his permission. But I certainly don't see any need to keep so many clothes out and then wash them at the end of the season. I'd suggest taking a selection from what he picked, and packing the rest away again. If he remembers a specific item, he can go dig in the boxes and find it himself.

Crayfish

I'll try that, I'll start with holding back a couple of things and see how it goes.