Well, I have a "been there done that" type of story, although the details are different. DH and I were moving bcs of dh's work and his parents were planning on moving in with this. They were late sixties at the time and were leaving the community they had lived in all their lives bcs...I'm still not really sure why. Stairs were getting more difficult, none of their kids lived locally anymore, dh's dad was going to help dh with his real estate project, they wanted to get to know their grandkids...
So when dh and I started looking to buy a house we were suddenly looking specifically for a house that would accommodate them...inlaw suite on the first floor + enough space for us. The pickings were pretty slim and we were running out of time, so we ended up renting a house. The house was SUPER expensive. The inlaws were supposed to contribute $500/month. They never did. They were traveling to see their other kids and I'm not sure they ever spent a "full" month with us, so I guess they didn't think they needed to contribute.
Halfway through the year, they decided to move to live with their other daughter and build a house, so we were left with a huge house that was costing us an arm and a leg. And meantime their daughter ended moving out of state, so they are still living in their daughter's old town, which is a 6 hr drive from us.
The original plan sounded nice, but totally ended up a disaster. The circumstances were different in that it sounds like your relative is ailing (?). Our relatives were supposed to live with us to help with the kids and get to know the kids...yeah, didn't really work out that way. If anything it was a disater bcs MIL was so worried about stepping in my toes that I ended up running the household largely my myself. I was SO glad when that lease ended and dh and I were able to move to a house without thinking of meeting OTHER people's needs!
Oh and to make it all the more ironic, they ended up in a place with steep stairs. What I learned from all of this? Never make plans based on somebody else's plans!
Edited by cristina47454 - 5/12/11 at 3:19pm