Playground tug of war

[Altair]

There are so many posts on this topic, and I'm just trying to work my thoughts out on sharing as it pertains to this particular situation.

To start-- my views on sharing are generally that it is VERY hard (esp for adults) and that my kid needs lots of patience as he learns it.  I don't force him to share if he doesn't want to, but then I also don't let him bring his own toys into the park if he's not willing to give other kids at least a little turn when he's finished.  He's 25 months by the way.

He knows most of the kids in our neighborhood parks so they generally have worked out all their sharing quirks, which is really nice and relaxing!  However, he did just get a new scooter he's been begging for and he's really attached to it.  I remind him that if we got to the park with his scooter as our means of transportation to get there, other kids may want to play with it when he's not using it.  

We got to the park and as soon as we walked in a little boy about his age grabbed the scooter out of his hands and tried to run off with it.  Of course, my boy screamed and held tighter and said "No!  MINE!" I sat right down on the ground to get on their level and help.  I asked my son if the other boy could have a quick one minute turn (NO!) and asked the other boy if he could wait until my son had a chance to use it.  (NO!)  In general, among his friends the word "turn" is usually magic.  

The other little boy's parents/nanny/someone wasn't paying attention and didn't know this was going on, and there were a lot of people there so I had no idea who he was with.  But they two of them just screamed and screamed and pulled while I sat right between them breaking it up.  

I didn't think it was fair to my son to force him to share it the second we got there when he didn't use it yet.  So, I very gently pried off the other boy's fingers from it and told him we were going to leave for a little bit and come back when we were calm, and told him my son wasn't ready to share yet and I was going to help him decide what he wanted to do.  

So we left and just walked around the park for 10 minutes until everyone was calm and we came back, and the boy was gone.

I guess I'm not explaining well why it shook me up so much.  They were both REALLY upset and both ripping it back and forth and I felt horrible touching the other boy to keep both safe but no other parent was stepping up.  I felt bad removing the scooter and going out of the park, and the whole thing left a bad taste in my mouth but I didn't want to just give it to the other boy when I didn't think it was fair to my son to have it grabbed away immediately.  

[crunchy_mommy]

The only advice I have, is don't bring toys to the playground. Perhaps if he needs it to get there (I'm assuming you're walking there, from the sounds of it?) you could get a bike lock & lock it to a fence or post just beyond the playground. That would send a clear message to other kids that it's not to share. Of course I'm not against sharing, but more with sand buckets etc. not scooters or bikes with strangers, you know? Because what if the other kid got hurt and the parents got mad or something? I'm probably sounding stingy... but anyway... yeah, things like that would stay at home or in the car or locked to a fence.

[dejagerw]

I don't see anything wrong with what you did. I probably wouldn't require my son to share things with complete strangers though. (playdates are different though). I'd ask him if he could let the other boy have a turn. Then if my son says yes, I make sure to point out how happy he made the boy by giving him a turn. If he says no, and the other boy starts to cry, I point out to my son that he doesn't have to share, but that the boy is now sad because he really wanted a turn. Sometimes he changes his mind and lets him have a turn. But if he doesn't I just tell the other boy how he doesn't feel like sharing right now. If things escalated and the other boy kept grabbing at things and no parent stepped in to help supervise him, I would probably leave to.

I think it's totally fine that your son yelled "mine" to the boy. He was asserting himself and that this toy was his. When you asked him if he wanted to give the other boy a turn and he said no, I would have left it at that. Just tell the other boy "he doesn't feel like sharing right now". If you have to pry the other kids hand off your stuff so be it. Someone should be supervising that grabby kid and coaching him how to go about asking for turns with other people's toys.

We as adults don't always share all our stuff. How would we feel if we had some new electronic and somebody just picked it up and tried to use it. We would have no part of it.

[limabean]

We share sand toys, but riding toys are a mode of transportation and we don't share them and I don't feel bad about it. I guess locking them to the bike rack is a good solution, but it's really never been an issue for us. 

In the situation in the OP, her son was actually USING the scooter when it was taken (she said that the boy took it out of his hands), so in that case I wouldn't feel the least bit bad just saying, "He's using that, please let go" and taking it back. I would do the same with a sand bucket, even though we share those. But snatching out of hands is never okay. 

[Altair]

Ok good to know I'm not crazy.  I didn't let the other boy use it, but I couldn't have my son ride it there without physically restraining the boy away from him since he was all over it screaming and pulling.  So we had to leave in order for my son to keep riding.  

I guess the only other factor here is that in our neighborhood parks (NYC) in my immediate area, I know 80% of the kids there at any given time and they all bring their scooters and the common practice among parents is that any kid with a helmet can ride any of the scooters there if no one us using it.  So if I lock ours up it just would seem strange and very out of the norm.  And of course, when we don't bring it, my son is the first one to be all over the others that aren't in use and it seems weird I'd be the only parent to say no to that.  

And yes, it's our mode of transportation there so not bringing it isn't as easy.  And that's the whole point of having the scooter in the city, letting kids be much more mobile and able to walk around without their little legs tiring so quickly!  Otherwise our kids would be in strollers until they were 15.  ;-)

Normally "sharing" situations don't worry me so much-- no grabbing, and no forced sharing if you're playing with your own toy, but other kids can have a turn when you're finished.  But this was just really hard because I had to really forcefully pry his fingers off the stroller as he was throwing a fit and no one was stepping in to help and it was dragging on and on and getting worse and worse.  Just shook me up having to do that to someone else's kid!