Does anyone else get upset by dh's reactions

[callieollie]

I understand that infertility and pregnancy loss, in general, is harder on the woman than the man.  But I just wish dh had a little bit more of a reaction.  I just got AF again today and dh hasn't asked once if I've tested, if AF has started, nothing.  I chart and he knows my chart (we do NFP so he's very familiar with what everything means) but it's just not on his mind.  He'll probably ask in a day or 2 when he thinks about it but that is what bothers me - he thinks about it every few days while I am thinking about it every second of every day. When I have expressed these feelings to him he says he does think about it and that I need to just tell him when I test and tell him when AF starts.  But 1) I just hate to have to say the words "It was negative" or "My period started."  It makes it all too real. 2) I feel like he SHOULD be thinking about it and ask, and 3) I'm just upset that this doesn't affect him nearly as much as it does me.  I know logically in my head that it's not going to and it's not supposed to. Men and women are different and it only makes sense that a man isn't going to be obsessing about it like a woman is. Plus, he doesn't have the constant reminders that I have (seeing the temp drop first thing when I wake up, seeing AF every time I use the bathroom, taking the vitamins/herbs every day to help me get and stay pregnant, avoiding the cough medicine or caffeine or whatever "just in case" I'm pregnant, etc.) so I get that. And I wouldn't want him to feel how I feel. It's horrible to be so obsessed with something that you have no control over.  But I just feel jealous, I guess. Jealous that he can forget about ttc for a minute, jealous that he doesn't have these constant reminders that there still is not a baby, jealous that if we can't have another baby he'd be upset but that it wouldn't be "devastating."  Does anyone else ever struggle with these feelings?

Edited by callieollie - 5/13/11 at 5:32pm

[rcr]

Yes. I feel exactly the same as you. I just got another BFN, and I didn't say anything to DH, but mentioned that I spend $200 at the pharmacy, and he didn't even get the clue that it was a BFN and I had just bought more fertility drugs! I hate having to tell him that the IUI or whatever I am doing that month didn't work. I wish he had some idea. I also wish he cared more. For him, he is find with one child (we have one child), and says that more would be nice. I also get annoyed when he offers me a beer or something during the TWW. Like, duh! how could he not know that I can't drink at that time! Like you said, I think about it every second of ever day, and I think he may think about it once or twice a week.

[Laurucha]

Yup. I feel the same too. I don't tell him when I start testing at 7-10 DPO, because I am annoyed that he is not paying attention to what day of my cycle it is and asking me when I am going to test. I know my cycle day even when I don't know the date, for god's sake! I talk about my cycle all the time and am monitoring it with temperatures and a fertility monitor. And when I tell him I got my period, he doesn't react at all, not recognizing how devastating getting your period is when you are trying to conceive. I have talked to him about this, and he has tried a couple times to show an interest, but he clearly just doesn't care that much.