Questions and Concerns and Irritations *Updated*

[AFWife]

So, DS1 had his first "real" appointment today with the ECI lady. I'm calling her that because, honestly, I have NO idea what her role is inall of this. She's not a therapist but she's going to come once a week to play with him? I don't get it.

Anyway...

First of all she's sort of scattered. She said, "I left you a form the first time I came for you to fill out about his behavior." Uhm, no, you didn't. You left info about the program but no questionnaire. "I didn't? oh........" AND THEN NEVER MENTIONED IT AGAIN. Is it important or not?

She also didn't call to confirm the appointment. And last week she called THAT MORNING (two hours before) to confirm. I understand being busy and all...but I like when people call to confirm that they're coming to my house.

Am I allowed to correct her when she breaks house rules? We don't throw balls up in the air at my house (not the big beach ball anyway) but she did...and I got on to DS more than once this morning for playing with the toaster oven and they played with it for 10mins during his appt.

She also doesn't approve of signing as communication. She made that clear from the start...she acted like I was the first parent she's had that did it. Really? Is that even possible? "Why did you do signing instead of words???" Because he wasn't talking and I got tired of the screaming. He only has 2 or 3 signs that he still does. One of them is "more" (milk and socks are the others...sometimes apple) She tried to get him to SAY "more" to get another block for his Geo-Sorter. He kept signing it. She wouldn't accept it. He got sort of distressed about it and started grabbing at the block. She eventually accepted the sign but at that point he was DONE playing with her so he wasn't signing it either. He just wanted to do his Geo-Sorter and be left alone. It irritated me.

And is it normal for her to not include me and DH AT ALL during the appt? (except to ask a question here or there?)

I told DH it pissed me off that she made such a big deal out of him SIGNING "more" instead of saying it. The whole point of needing therapy is to get him to communicate, right? Well, he communicates "more" just fine. Can we work on areas he doesn't communicate AT ALL? Like hungry, thirsty, wants to play, tired, where something hurts, etc...

I'm still very very confused as to her role in this. She's the "ECI Teacher/Specialist" or something. Basically my son gets an adult playmate once a week? She didn't do anything with him that I don't already do every single day. I know it's the first appt and she's still trying to get to know him...but DH pointed out that DS1 doesn't even "show off" for MIL and he loves her and KNOWS her.

I've been having a rough week and was already in a bad place (our morning sucked around here) so maybe I'm just sensitive.

[kathteach]

I'm sorry you had a bad experience.

Absolutely you can tell her what the house rules are and tell her what makes you uncomfortable.  Make it clear you want to be involved in the therapy, not just to be a spectator.

I do think it's bizarre she wouldn't accept the signing.  That doesn't seem to go along with what I have experienced and read about as far as child development.

I would give her another chance but if you two honestly don't "click" after giving it a fair amount of time then definitely request another professional. I'm not sure about the area you live in but in a metropolitan area there should be many workers at the agency. 

About the beach ball and toaster oven--I know my son's therapists would grab any opportunity to connect with him so whatever he was drawn to they would be right there doing it with him with the goal of showing him relationships can be fun and positive.  The therapist can't really work with more complex stuff like communicating emotions until she has a rapport with him and he trusts her--I'm thinking that's why she stuck to positive interaction and play with him.

Let her know your concerns.  You have to be able to work with her if you want to get the most out of the therapy for you and your son. You have to be straight up with her.  And if her style doesn't work with yours by all means find another professional.

I'm sorry you're feeling sensitive, it is so hard to have a stranger come into your home and when she acted surprised about the signing I'm sure that felt like a slap in the face after all your hard work and worry about your child.  I hate feeling judged like that (not sure if that's how you really felt or not.)

Let us know how it goes....this is hard...but it will get better...and we are all here for you.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by kathteach 

I'm sorry you're feeling sensitive, it is so hard to have a stranger come into your home and when she acted surprised about the signing I'm sure that felt like a slap in the face after all your hard work and worry about your child.  I hate feeling judged like that (not sure if that's how you really felt or not.)

Let us know how it goes....this is hard...but it will get better...and we are all here for you.

That was a big thing for me. I did a ton of research and figured out that signing was the BEST option for us. When he figured out that signing helped him communicate he picked it up instantly. For several weeks he learned a sign a day. It was awesome. And then this lady comes in and makes me feel like I was stupid for doing it.

He also still drinks from a bottle. She said, "They usually say AT A YEAR..." and I said, "Well, I was still breastfeeding at 15mo and we had to wean..." (Insert her interrupting me) "Yeah, you have to wean with the breastfeeding." (I then continued) "I had to wean because of my pregnancy and the bottle was a way to transition him into naps." (silence from her)

She's been here 3 times now. Once for the initial visit, once with the SP and OT and then again today. I STILL don't click with her. And then after watching her basically shut down a session by demanding that my son SPEAK "more" when he was clearly communicating it I was so pissed. He wanted nothing to do with her after that. I thought, "You just ruined the rest of the session."

She also didn't give me any specific goals. Like, "Try to have him doing X by next week" or "work on XYZ this week" or ANYTHING. She also didn't seem to have any set goals when she showed up. It bugged me that she didn't seem prepared.

She's coming back next week and I'm going to talk to her and find out exactly what her role is in all of this. If she can't make me feel more confident about it all then I'm going to look into private therapy. Apparently our insurance can cover it...So yeah. I mean, he's doing SO WELL in speech all of a sudden with me working with him. A month ago he barely had 20 words and now he's more than doubled that and is putting phrases together "Kick ball" "kiss baby" I've been working on being conscious of the way I say things. I've been doing research on SPD and we've made huge strides for him. He goes to sleep in 10mins now when we take the time to do the proper sensory stuff. It's amazing. Next week I'm going to be super diligent in implementing a routine.

I don't know...after she left I felt like I could do better without her. I know that's not how I'm supposed to feel.

[34me]

You have to remember that you are a great mom and you spend time with your kiddo, and you research and research and then put it into practice.  There are some parents that park their kiddos and don't even know something is not clicking with their kiddo until a ped/neighbor/parent tells them, and that's how the kiddo gets into EI.  So yeah, that particular service provider may be worthless to you.

[AFWife]

I'm totally firing our Early Intervention Specialist. The more I think about it the more comfortable I am with the decision. She can come when the other therapists come...but this weekly crap isn't going to work. I HATED watching her work with Franklin and when I re-read the sheet she left I got even more mad. Things like "I encouraged him to say 'more' and use face to face interaction but he did not say 'more'." (Yeah, she tried to FORCE him to say more EVEN THOUGH HE WAS SIGNING IT. She refused to accept signing as an answer and kept pushing it even after he got visibly upset.) "Goals: Ask for objects by saying 'more' and focus on activities." (She wrote down the goals AFTER the visit...so lets not pretend that she came in with those goals. And he can focus on activities as long as it's something HE WANTS to do. He's 2...how long is he supposed to focus on something that he doesn't care about?) "He verbalized 'mua' to say all done." (He also does a sign for it. SHE was saying "bah" for all done...which we've also done because it's Spanish Slang! My husband grew up saying it and the Mexican side of his family says it to Franklin. So if the deal is that he didn't SAY "all done" why is it okay to teach him slang?)

He's been saying words that we haven't officially taught him. Like today he said "vacuum"...I've never worked on that one. We use it frequently.

She stresses me out. My life is stressful as it is. There are some things I can eliminate and she's one of them.

[LynnS6]

I would totally fire her too. She's not being very professional and she's not got up to date knowledge. Sign language words ARE words. Many speech-language pathologists are good. Some aren't. Don't be afraid to fire one who isn't.

Do you know if they're looking to get him to produce more language or are trying to work with him to speak more words? The goals should be set ahead of time, and she should have goals written down before your meeting.

Are they worried about his overall language or are they worried about his speech? If it's overall language, then rejecting his signing is wrong. If it's articulation, then they need to be doing things work on his speech muscles. But rejecting a child's communicative attempts (especially when they're appropriate) is never OK. I could see, if they're working on articulation, saying something like "great, you signed more. Can you say more?" But that doesn't sound like what she did.

[AFWife]

I have received ZERO paperwork discussing goals or what they want to work on with him. I have no idea what they want to do.

I *think* it's overall language (because he's still sort of behind)...I told DH that he can SIGN a few things until he's 4 for all I care. I just want him to communicate with me.

Yeah, she didn't acknowledge the sign. Well, she just said, "No, say more" over and over and kept refusing to give him the block. He eventually got mad and refused to play with her...and it ruined the rest of the session because he was done with her.

I'm going to do the following:

1) Ask her exactly what her role is in all of this.

2) Explain to her that I do, in fact, work with my child.

3) Request that she only come when the other therapists are going to be here.

[LynnS6]

Originally Posted by AFWife 

I have received ZERO paperwork discussing goals or what they want to work on with him. I have no idea what they want to do.

I *think* it's overall language (because he's still sort of behind)...I told DH that he can SIGN a few things until he's 4 for all I care. I just want him to communicate with me.

Yeah, she didn't acknowledge the sign. Well, she just said, "No, say more" over and over and kept refusing to give him the block. He eventually got mad and refused to play with her...and it ruined the rest of the session because he was done with her.

I'm going to do the following:

1) Ask her exactly what her role is in all of this.

2) Explain to her that I do, in fact, work with my child.

3) Request that she only come when the other therapists are going to be here.

I would add to that:

1. Ask for a diagnosis and treatment plan.

2. Ask that the team provide you with the specific goals that they want to work on.

3. Ask how what she's doing is supposed to help your son meet his goals.

4. Explain to the whole team that you're willing to work with your son and that you'd like to be given specific activities to work on together.

[AFWife]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

I would add to that:

1. Ask for a diagnosis and treatment plan.

2. Ask that the team provide you with the specific goals that they want to work on.

3. Ask how what she's doing is supposed to help your son meet his goals.

4. Explain to the whole team that you're willing to work with your son and that you'd like to be given specific activities to work on together.

I don't know when I meet with the whole team again. I meet with the speech path and OT next month separately.