Double Name Not Acknowledged!

[JOYFUL1014]

My daughter, Ella Caraway, is named for my husband's and my paternal grandmothers.  My grandmother, Ella Brady, was called by both names, and so the name "Ella" by itself really doesn't mean anything to me.  It doesn't really even sound like a complete name to me because I'm so used to hearing it followed by "Brady".  Anyway, when people ask my daughter (18-months old), "What's your name?"  I always say, "She's Ella Caraway."  And they say, "Oh, hello Ella."  Then I say, "We actually call her by both names.  Ella Caraway."  They usually stop saying her name at that point.  If it's someone we'll likely never see again (stranger in a store), I just let it go.  But often it's people we might not see again for a few weeks.  Then they'll come up with, "Oh, hello Ella!"

Additionally, we have two sets of neighbors who only call her by her first name.  I've kept thinking that they would hear us continue to call her by both names and follow suit, but it hasn't happened that way.  Now I'm at the point where I'm getting frustrated with them.  They're very kind, and they delight in seeing her, but it's driving me crazy!

How would you try to "correct" people who have been told that we use both names but just seem to ignore it?  I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I don't want to live with yucky feelings, either!

Btw, my SIL told me that it's "just too long."  I pointed out to her that it's the same number of syllables as her best friend's name (Mary Margaret) which I've never heard anyone shorten.  I realize it's unusual, but is that really a good reason for folks to ignore our wishes?

[4Blessings]

That is a difficult situation. I've never heard Caraway used as a first or middle name so I would guess that it was the child's last name if I heard it used after Ella. It really has gotten hard to know what a person's surname is with all of the options that families choose to use in modern times. Perhaps they are thinking they would rather just use her first name not realizing that she actually has two first names and Caraway is not her last name.

If someone mispronounces my child's name or uses a nickname that I'm not fond of, I tend to just overuse my child's name when we are together so that the "offender" hears it correctly.

[blessedwithboys]

Not that it matters, but Mary Margaret has a better flow due to the alliteration and probably also the fact that both names are recognizable as first names.

Ella and Caraway sound harsh together.  Also, I doubt most people recognize Caraway as a name, or at least as a first name.

I'm sure when you chose such an unusual name for your daughter you anticipated having to constantly explain and remind, so just go with it.  Each time someone calls her Ella, ask them to call her Ella Caraway.  You won't have to do it for too many years though because before long she will be able to either remind people herself or just roll her eyes at you and say to the offender "Just call me Ella".

[philomom]

I think because its long.

I was raising my littles in the south and they have the southern double first name... which is just their first and middle name run together. I don't post my kids names on the internet but they are along the lines of ..

Dara Lynn
Dale Harris




If she were Ella shortname ..... I think you'd have better luck.

Sorry.

[JOYFUL1014]

Thanks for the replies.  I guess I'm just so surprised that people completely ignore the fact that she's called by two names and need a tactful way to respond.  I'm beginning to feel like if someone's going to have hurt feelings, it isn't going to be me!

When I was in the business world, I was always taught how important names are, and I've seen it over and over again firsthand.  Just last week we were at a restaurant and the waitress's name was Tarra (Tar-ah, rhymes with Laura).  As she went past our table once, I said, "Excuse me, Tarra."  She took about 4 more steps before she turned around laughing and with the biggest smile ever.  She is so used to people calling her "Tara" (rhymes with Bear-ah), that she hardly recognized the correct pronunciation of her own name!  But it made her feel so good, like she was at home.  My customers always loved it when I called them by name, and especially took the time to find out and pronounce it properly.

Anyway, our daughter is beginning to talk, and when I ask her her name, she says, "Ca-ca" so she's obviously trying to pronounce the "Caraway" part first.  In addition to having others respect our wishes, I don't want her to be confused.

[McGucks]

I disagree.  I think Ella Caraway is a lovely name.  I understand the PP's point that some folks might not want to go with it...and the alliteration thing...but it is her name, and her aunt (and others) should honor it as such.  As far as strangers, they may think you are sharing her first and last names, so try not to get too mad about that...if strangers mangle DS' name (or gender), I ignore it because I don't care.  Now, for my MIL who doesn't like it that DS has a hyphenated last name?  I do care.  She routinely only uses the last name that is her last name and even engraves stuff like that.  It is bothersome and I do not like it one bit.  Name stuff can be a hassle. 

[HollyBearsMom]

Ella is one of the THE most popular names in my neck of the woods so I am sure here they would assume that Caraway is her last name and she is just another of the dozens out there.  (there are 3 in my sons class alone and 2 in kindy and 3 in first and 1 in second).

I think when parents give their kids unusual names they have to expect a certain amount of a confusion and when they give a really long/difficult to pronounce unusual names they need to expect even more.   

Personally I would let it go but thats me. So if its important to you continue to correct those around you. Eventually the child will decide what they want be called and I hope everyone (including the parents) will respect that.

This is all coming from a mom of child who has VERY unusual name.  It is a long standing family name but I have yet to find (or google) anyone child with the same name. It is often commented on and frankly I am sick of explaining it but I still smile sweetly and tell the story....

[JOYFUL1014]

Thanks again for the replies.  Caedenmomma, I completely understand!  MIL is on the "Ella" bandwagon, even after we had a very long discussion about the importance of the name.  Just another insult to injury in our case, though.  Sorry you're dealing with the same sort of issue.  My MIL even misspelled it on the First Birthday card!  I can just imagine the conversation years from now.  "Mom, why did Grandma spell my name wrong?"

HollyBearsMom, you bring up a good point.  Ella is a very popular name here as well.  We were at the library one day with THREE other Ellas in the room at the same time!  So, having Ella "Caraway" was a good way to differentiate.  We also took Kindermusik with another Ella, and her last initial is the same as ours, so again, it was a big help in that case.  You're right.....it's all about respect.  For us, right now, and for whatever she chooses to be called when she chooses.

I know lots of people who have chosen "different" names for their children, and I always enjoy hearing how the names came about!  I'd probably be one of those you'd have to explain it to, and possibly spell it, as well!

[Annie Mac]

Just wanted to say: cute name! I can see why you'd want people to say the whole thing.

[stenapost]

My husband and I picked a name for our son that, to us, is spelled exactly like it's pronounced. But we are constantly hearing the name mispronounced. His name is Balan (like Alan with a B) but people say Bay-lan. So to avoid confusion and irritation, I say, "his name is Balan, like Alan with a B." You could say the same. She has two names, Ella Caraway, after our grandmothers. People are usually more forgiving of unique names when there is a history involved. You can't be mad at someone who doesn't know any better and you've not corrected them. Good luck!

[cristeen]

Honestly, i think it might in part be your approach. Telling people "we use both names" can be misconstrued. I would stick with saying, "not Ella, Ella Caraway" or "it's actually Ella Caraway" as a gentle correction when someone gets it wrong. And say it every time. Do not let them get away w saying it wrong in your presence, as they'll take it as approval.

When you chose the name, you had to know you'd run into some difficulties. Just repeat it ad nauseum if necessary. Eventually people will get it.

[homemademomma]

Just wanted to say- I LOVE the name caraway. My daughter has a similar name ;)

[Drummer's Wife]

I think you (well, she) is always going to have this problem, unfortunately. It's a long name, not hyphenated, and Caraway sounds very much like a last name. 

I agree, though, that you just have to be consistent - w/o sounding super annoyed, b/c it's understandable why others would just call her Ella - and in time, those who are close to her will catch on.  Every teacher, new friend, doctor, etc., will probably have to be allowed a little slack at first, b/c they won't have that long-term relationship right off the bat that reminds them what her full name is. 

[crunchy_mommy]

Originally Posted by cristeen 

Honestly, i think it might in part be your approach. Telling people "we use both names" can be misconstrued. I would stick with saying, "not Ella, Ella Caraway" or "it's actually Ella Caraway" as a gentle correction when someone gets it wrong.

I like this way of explaining it, it's more clear and not too harsh.

No one I know has a double name like that, so it wouldn't even occur to me to call her by both. I certainly wouldn't be trying to offend you or anything by just using Ella, it would just feel incredibly awkward to me to say that whole name and I'd have a hard time with it even if you explained it was important (meaning, I'd probably slip all the time -- obviously I wouldn't purposely say it wrong!)

Another idea I had is for you to come up with a nickname you like. Then you could say, "I prefer you use her full name, Ella Caraway, but some people call her El" (or whatever nickname you come up with). That way people will still be able to respect your wishes, without it feeling so awkward for them, you know? My DS has a pretty short but sort of unusual name, so I let people know they can call him by a (more common) nickname if they seem to struggle with it. My parents always call him by his nickname, but we never do.

[journeymom]

Not that it matters, but Mary Margaret has a better flow due to the alliteration and probably also the fact that both names are recognizable as first names.

Not that it matters, but regarding your first point that's your opinion, not fact. 

Ella and Caraway sound harsh together.

Again, that's your opinion.

OP, stick to your guns. Of course be respectful if your daughter grows to prefer to drop the Caraway. But in the mean time adults should know better than to simply insist on calling a child something other than what her parents named her. Regardless of their own opinion about the name.

[number572]

I love the name you chose, its beautiful and I think it sounds neat together as one name, but I would not use it naturally unless I KNEW that it so deeply bothered you (or your dd when she's older).

I have a two syllable first name and no middle name at all, and people still shorten my first name to a one syllable form of my first name.  If it's really important to you, just keep explaining to people that Ella Caraway holds meaning to you and that using Ella by itself upsets you.  Occasional acquaintances may not ever get used to calling her both names, but over time, relatives and close family friends should get used to it and adore it same as you.  "Would you mind using her given name, Ella Caraway, instead of shortening it to Ella please?  It really means a lot to us."  Maybe share the meaning that you prefer both names?  COuld help people appreciate it and remember to use it.

My SIL has a name consisting of two names, totaling 7 syllables.  When I first heard her name I thought it was a little silly to have such a long name, but then I learned the meaning behind her name.  And over time, now it just flows out of my mouth as her name and I can't think of her as any other name than her 7 syllable, double name.

EDIT - Just thought of another thing as I was talking to a friend who is South American.  It seems to be a North American thing, now that I take an assessment of my friends' names, to use a shortened name no matter what.  I have traveled a lot and many of my x's South American family (that are still my family) and my friends who aren't originally from North America, use a longer name than is typical, here in the States.  It seems that in the North American south, longer names are used, but everywhere else, shortened names are the norm.  

I was talking with Jose Luis, and later tonight, I'm going out with Alejita Mariana and Teresa Gabriela, maybe meeting up with Jose Antonio, Marisol,  and another Alexandra who is always called Alexandra (Alejita is a short form of Alexandra, sort of means "little Alex" as a nickname) but we all call her Alejita Mariana.  

My North American relatives?  Dee, Jo, Dave, Don, Ray, Mary, lol... you see where this is going??!

Edited by number572 - 5/13/11 at 6:25pm

[LynnS6]

When I read Ella Caraway, I assumed that Caraway was the last name and Ella was the first. If I were meeting your daughter, I would be a bit puzzled as to why you gave me the last name and then call her Ella, because I know a lot of Ellas.

You might try saying "We call Ella Caraway. Her last name is ______."

Since it's rather unusual for English speakers to have 4 syllable names, I'm afraid you're going to spend a lot of time doing this!

[lizzie]

I would want to be corrected, if I was calling your daughter something that upset you or at least that you did not intend. I think most people just don't realize it. Also a time or two in the past I've assumed a name like that (non-hyphenated double name) was something so familiar that only the family called the child that, since in spending time with them I heard the family using the double name and other family members and friends not using it, leaving me confused as to which was the "right" name to use. I love names, so I would definitely love to hear that you'd named her for her grandmothers, both of whom you love deeply and neither of whom you wish to slight!

And fwiw, I think it's a lovely name. :)

[philomom]

Yes, it is a lovely name.

But I do think the Op should prepare herself for preschool teachers and her daughter herself dropping off the long middle name.

I came back to this thread because my hubby and I discussed it at dinnertime and it does seem a bit unwieldy to him as well. If Ella was going to have a middle name you say all the time.. it might be something shorter.. Ella Rose.. Ellla May .. Ella Rain.

Good luck OP.

[treeoflife3]

I would assume you were giving me her full name as well and be confused about your sharing the last name.  I'd say just ella until you told me caraway was her second first name and important.

i'd prefer to call her by the 'right' name but with your daughter, I wouldn't really get it unless you told me specifically.

I also agree that people like shorter names.  It is the same reason people consider nicknames that people might come up with for names they are considering for their children.  I LOVE the name Gregory but I can't stand Greg.  sounds like a caveman name to me and silly.  As much as I like Gregory, I don't have the patience to keep telling people to stop shortening his name and I'd be really annoyed if Gregory decided to go by greg when he got older.

For one year in school I dropped part of my name and went with a shorter nickname.  just at school though.  my mom had no idea who my teacher was talking about on the phone once.  Honestly, I only did it because a beginning of the school year 'getting to know you' project was SO much easier without the extra letters.

I think you should tell people that you call her Ella Caraway in full and that it has special meaning to you, but I also think that you should get used to the idea that SHE might decide to drop the Caraway, even if you spend the next few years getting everyone to call her Ella Caraway, not Ella.  It might happen or she might love how special the name in full is and take over the instance from you when she is old enough.  Who knows?  She might want to drop Ella because of its popularity or even shorter, just go to Cara.  Its the hardest part about names... we can love what we name our children all we want, but they still might change it someday.