Double Name Not Acknowledged! - Page 2

[number572]

That's not the case is it?  She's asking about her daughter's already existing name.  No one knows if her dd will want to drop the long name later on or love that she has a unique name.  Why not prepare the OP for people loving the long unique name and understanding the double name, and its meaning.  Sometimes I don't understand North American people.  philomom, not to single you out, but your post sort of sums up why I appreciate surrounding myself with cultures other than North American most of the time.
 

Originally Posted by philomom 

Yes, it is a lovely name.

But I do think the Op should prepare herself for preschool teachers and her daughter herself dropping off the long middle name.

I came back to this thread because my hubby and I discussed it at dinnertime and it does seem a bit unwieldy to him as well. If Ella was going to have a middle name you say all the time.. it might be something shorter.. Ella Rose.. Ellla May .. Ella Rain.

Good luck OP.

[4midablemama]

It's her name, you gave it to her because it means something special, people should call her by it, period, end of story. My daughter is Isabella, chosen specifically because it WASN'T a popular name at the time; now that it's shot to the top of the popular names list, I really wish that I had started out calling her by both names, to differentiate her from all of the other Isabellas' that I didn't know she was going to be surrounded by. And I, personally, think Ella Caraway is a really pretty name, just kind of rolls off the tongue.

[laohaire]

Originally Posted by stenapost 

My husband and I picked a name for our son that, to us, is spelled exactly like it's pronounced. But we are constantly hearing the name mispronounced. His name is Balan (like Alan with a B) but people say Bay-lan. So to avoid confusion and irritation, I say, "his name is Balan, like Alan with a B." You could say the same. She has two names, Ella Caraway, after our grandmothers. People are usually more forgiving of unique names when there is a history involved. You can't be mad at someone who doesn't know any better and you've not corrected them. Good luck!

We have a child with a simple name but people always "hear" it wrong (pronounce it like a similar, more common, name). I've come to do the same thing, I give her name AND the context for it, and people take to it a lot better.

Like everyone else, I'd assume Caraway was her last name. If you'd told me the quote above (or maybe "She has a two-word name and we call her by both, Ella Caraway") it would be clear to me.

For the people who already call her Ella, I'd probably just let it slide but be sure to model the correct name from time to time.

I don't think there's anything wrong at all with the name, it's lovely. It's not too long either.

[Luckiestgirl]

My son has a double name, although both names are pretty common.  I had to correct a lot of people until he was five, then he started correcting them himself.  I'm really proud of how insistent he is.  He will correct the same person over and over until they say his name correctly.  For what it's worth, I think some people--albeit a very small group--say only the first part of his name on purpose, because they have a personal issue with double names.  Anyway, if you keep correcting people, your daughter might just take over this role when she's a bit older.

[McGucks]

Originally Posted by LynnS6 
You might try saying "We call Ella Caraway. Her last name is ______."

LynnS6:  That is an excellent idea.  Clears it up without being confusing/rude.  Very good.
 

[McGucks]

Originally Posted by 4midablemama 

My daughter is Isabella, chosen specifically because it WASN'T a popular name at the time; now that it's shot to the top of the popular names list, I really wish that I had started out calling her by both names, to differentiate her from all of the other Isabellas' that I didn't know she was going to be surrounded by.

4midablemama:  We are in the same boat...I had never even heard the name Caeden--saw it ONE TIME on a license plate, loved it, DH loved, it, end of story and all of the troubles we had with naming (and boy did we have trouble.  Until it was in the top 10 list of names for 2010, along with Aiden, Hayden, etc.  At least our spelling of it is unusual.  Part of the reason we both liked that name is because it WAS unique.  I have had serious name regret lately, even though DS is 13 months old!  I call him by his first and middle names sometimes.  Honestly, at this point, I wish I'd named him something else.  And I feel guilty for feeling that way...it's his name, regardless of the popularity...but I truly regret the choice.  I think the name Isabella is glorious, BTW. 
 

[Peony]

I am sensitive to calling a child by what a parent introduces their child by. Two of my children have names that everyone wants to shorten but the girls do not want to go by nicknames, they prefer their full name, as do I. And then they have two last names, rarely does anyone get their names correct! But if you introduced your DD to me, I would call her Ella because I would think Caraway was her last name. A simple line like others have suggested would clear that up and then I'd be more then happy to call her by her full name. 

[Tofu the Geek]

Originally Posted by cristeen 

Honestly, i think it might in part be your approach. Telling people "we use both names" can be misconstrued. I would stick with saying, "not Ella, Ella Caraway" or "it's actually Ella Caraway" as a gentle correction when someone gets it wrong. And say it every time. Do not let them get away w saying it wrong in your presence, as they'll take it as approval.

When you chose the name, you had to know you'd run into some difficulties. Just repeat it ad nauseum if necessary. Eventually people will get it.

Agreed. "Ella Caraway" *is* her first name, so I wouldn't bother confusing anyone with "both" which leads people to think, "both first and middle name?" "both first and last name". So, the response I quoted is good or another is, "not Ella, her first name is Ella Caraway".

ETA: I was making the assumption here that she had two first names. If Caraway is her middle name, then my wording may not work for you since it's technically not correct and the poster I quoted has the response that would work better.

[EFmom]

I would assume Caraway was her last name.  I have never heard it used as a given name and to me it doesn't  sound at all like a given name.  If I met you in the context you describe, I would respond as people do.  I would not be trying to offend you, I simply wouldn't understand.

[doubledutch]

i love the name!  i'm sure i would also be confused if i were just meeting her and didn't know your family.  i would probably also think caraway was her last name, but if i called her ella and you said, "no, her name is ella caraway," i would be delighted to comply because it's an awesome name (and because i would anyway, even if i thought the name was horrid).

i'm not from the south, but i know or have known many people with double names, can't think of any with five syllable but several with four.  i also know many people with very common first names, so they get called by their full names all the time, like celebrities.  in fact, i can think of an mdc mama i know irl who gets called by six syllables on a regular basis (and now that i think about it, i want to start throwing her middle name in there and make it eight). 

with family, i can see how it would be more difficult to "enforce" them calling her by her name, although i would definitely say, "please call her ella caraway" on a somewhat regular basis.  however, i loved all the odd names different people had for me, growing up.  it felt like a special secret, sort of like an inside joke, between me and the person who called me by that name.

my maternal grandfather called me missy moo.  the missy part stuck for most of my extended family, especially on my mom's side.  my two youngest uncles called me louie, and their older brother (the brother nearest my dad's age) called me marilda.  my great-uncle called me ethel.  my dad called me mischka.  my middle school best friend called me mars.  one group of my high school friends called me marcie.  a random handful of people call me miss m'riss.  my name is actually marisa - and that's what most people call me, but i've really enjoyed all the little nicknames.  (except missy, actually, i hate being called that as an adult.)  nobody is going to change your daughter's name by calling her ella, elle, cara, el-car, ellaway, whatever - it sucks when people don't respect your wishes, but i just wanted to mention that she might really enjoy having a special nickname with certain people in her life (like mil).

[Viola]

Originally Posted by JOYFUL1014 

When I was in the business world, I was always taught how important names are, and I've seen it over and over again firsthand.  Just last week we were at a restaurant and the waitress's name was Tarra (Tar-ah, rhymes with Laura).  As she went past our table once, I said, "Excuse me, Tarra."  

Completely off the point here, but if I just saw that name spelled, I wouldn't know it rhymed with Laura.  I'd think it was more like TAR-uh than TAUR-uh.  But I don't think I'd say TARE-uh, because of the extra R--I'd figure it was there for a reason.  I knew a girl named Lara and everyone tended to call her Laura instead of Lar-uh until she corrected us.

As far as Ella Caraway is concerned, I think part of what happens is that it is an unfamiliar pairing, people are listening but when they hear something unfamiliar after a familiar thing, their brain might become a little confused.  Sometimes it's hard to determine exactly what was said, and just saying the part you recognize seems safer.  I'm in a position where people call me and leave me messages with their names, but sometimes the name is so unfamiliar to me that I play the message back because I didn't catch it the first time, and I am still not quite sure of it after that because of how it might sound on the answering machine, so if I'm in doubt, I'll ask people to spell it.

I think probably if you say something like, "Her first name is Ella Caraway, Ella like Ella, Caraway like caraway seed, we call her Ella Caraway" then people would pretty much get it at that point.  If they asked if it was OK to shorten it, you could say no.  Or if they are already shortening, you could say that you are respectfully asking them not to shorten her name, but to call her by her full first name.  Later on she might want to shorten it herself, since that is pretty common even in people with 2 syllable names.  Although sometimes lengthening of short names into longer nicknames can happen too, so I don't know what the deal is.  I knew a woman named Brenda Carol.  My mom tried to call her Brenda and she said, "It's Brenda Carol" and my mom never called her by just the first name of the pair again. 

[scottishmommy]

That's a very pretty name! If someone asks what her name is I would just say "well, she has two names, Ella Carraway, we named her after our grandmothers". I named my DD after my grannie and I always give people the whole stick....because my DDs name is Billie! So I explain a little...