Seriously, 3 cannot come soon enough!!

[Super~Single~Mama]

My 2yo DS is SCREAMING blue murder in the living, while I am locked into my bedroom.  He is SCREAMING b/c he broke the phone charger, and can't call his dad.  Umm....natural consequences, you break stuff you can't use it, and neither can mommy.

How long does this last?  He's been SCREAMING since we got home about one thing or another, and it just DOES.NOT.STOP.EVER.

I'm going to lose my mind. 

How do you stay empathetic to the way 2yo's feel when literally all they do is scream?  I seriously don't care anymore about why he's crying, b/c he's been crying for over an HOUR, about different things.  First, I put water in his sippy instead of milk (b/c he ASKED for WATER!), so he screamed for 30min.  Then, it took more than 5seconds to make a sandwich.  SCREAMED for 30min.  Now, its been 15min and counting of SCREAMING b/c the phone charger is broken and the phone is dead, so we can't call daddy.

Am I supposed to give a damn?  Cause I really don't.  I'm fed up with all the screaming, and seriously, he does this every.single.day.

To call him tempermental is the understatement of the CENTURY, and the screaming is making me want to jump out the window just to get away from it.

TG his dad is babysitting for a few hours tomorrow.  Oh yeah, but not screaming for daddy, b/c daddy gives him juice and ice cream, and ANYTHING he wants - I'm the BAD MOMMY that say's no to things like that.   

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whats the secret to surviving the TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE TERRIBLE GOD AWFUL HORRIBLE NO GOOD TWOS????????????????

[Tjej]

Are you really wanting ideas or just venting?  It feels like a vent, but if you do want ideas...

It sounds like your 2yo needs either more sleep, more regular food, or both.  It also sounds like leaving him to calm down on his own isn't working well, so he may need more support/scaffolding.  My DS calms much better with a snuggle.  My DS just needs someone else to be the calmness for him first.

I find if my child is upset about everything like that I generally put them to bed.  When all the world is so overwhelming that being upset about everything over and over keeps happening... it can't get any worse with a sleep.

HTH

Tjej

[alittlesandy]

Originally Posted by Tjej 

Are you really wanting ideas or just venting?  It feels like a vent, but if you do want ideas...

It sounds like your 2yo needs either more sleep, more regular food, or both.  It also sounds like leaving him to calm down on his own isn't working well, so he may need more support/scaffolding.  My DS calms much better with a snuggle.  My DS just needs someone else to be the calmness for him first.

I find if my child is upset about everything like that I generally put them to bed.  When all the world is so overwhelming that being upset about everything over and over keeps happening... it can't get any worse with a sleep.

HTH

Tjej

I agree with this. What you are describing does not sound like a two-year-old to me (my son turned two in February). It sounds like a kid who is frustrated and exhausted.

If, as the pp suggested, you are just venting, then

However, this is nothing like my day-to-day experience with my two-year-old. I'll be curious to hear from other posters, because maybe it's just temperament?

Yes, my son can be stubborn, opinionated, and easily frustrated. For example, this evening I had to take a work-related phone call. My son loves to talk on the phone, so he was very upset and frustrated when he couldn't have the phone. I put the phone down, hugged him until he stopped crying, took him into his room, and showed him some toys. Then I went back to my phone call. Had I simply ignored him, walked in the other room, and shut the door, I'm sure he would have screamed.

Another thing that I have found that helps a lot is a very regular routine. We have regular bedtimes and naps. I know this isn't for everyone, but it makes a world of difference for us. We also have regular mealtimes. I try to avoid tantrums by making expectations clear. For example, my son loves juice, but only gets one cup of it first thing in the morning. The rest of the day it's water or milk only. He also has a sippy cup that only ever holds water, so there is no question when I go to fill it that I will be filling it with water. I put milk in a cup that has a lid and straw. He can drink from that or his sippy of water. That gives him some control and choice. I keep certain foods that he's allowed to eat available to him to avoid blood sugar crashes. He grazes on apple slices and almond butter, yogurt, etc. When I'm preparing lunch or supper I let him stand on a stool and watch and maybe give him some cups and spoons to play with.

I know that at his age he is incapable of controlling his impulsiveness (breaking things, etc.), so I keep things that he can destroy out of his reach. He pretty much has free range in the house, and if he can reach it it's ok for him to play with it. I honestly don't feel like he's old enough to understand consequences.

I don't mind messes during the day, and let him drag his toys all over the house, but at bedtime and naptime we pick everything up. I also give him a warning when there is going to be naptime or bedtime, and then we do a regular routine with stories, blanket, etc.

I am a full-time working mom and my house is pretty messy. I get stressed out. My life is not perfect. But I find daily life with my son to be relaxing and joyful. I don't see the twos as terrible at all. However, I am fully willing to accept the possibility that my son just has a different temperament or personality. I just wanted to offer a different perspective.

[mamazee]

I had a high needs 2-year-old who had very long and frequent tantrums about stuff like that. You'll be happy to know she is now a dramatic and emotional but under control 9-year-old now. But you won't be happy to know that she was still having tantrums at 3. And 4.

How I handle tantrums is to briefly empathize, "You want to call daddy" and maybe name an emotion, "You're disappointed that you can't call daddy" and then let it go until they stop crying. If they feel heard, it might help the tantrum take less time and it might not, but it will at least put you and them on the same page, and will get them used to talking about emotions instead of living them. It will only make things worse if you say something like "we could call daddy but you broke the charger." They want connection with you and anything that puts you and them on different teams, so to speak, is just going to prolong things. So briefly empathize, say a few words, and then let them wear themselves out. Afterward, give lots of love.

Tantrums are a stage to endure, and for some kids are a development stage they seem to need to go through. The key is to make them productive as far as learning goes so they will get less frequent. I think connection, and naming emotions, help.

My little one doesn't have tantrums. Odd how all kids are different.

I agree to make sure he is well fed and rested as there will be more tantrums when tired and/or hungry, but your experience doesn't sound like it is necessarily due to that, based on my older daughter's temperament. Some kids are just more intense.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by Tjej 

Are you really wanting ideas or just venting?  It feels like a vent, but if you do want ideas...

It sounds like your 2yo needs either more sleep, more regular food, or both.  It also sounds like leaving him to calm down on his own isn't working well, so he may need more support/scaffolding.  My DS calms much better with a snuggle.  My DS just needs someone else to be the calmness for him first.

I find if my child is upset about everything like that I generally put them to bed.  When all the world is so overwhelming that being upset about everything over and over keeps happening... it can't get any worse with a sleep.

HTH

Tjej

I would LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE for him to sleep more.  LOVE IT.  But?  Nope.  Not happening.  He HATES HATES HATES to sleep.  He wakes up at 6am sharp every single day, refuses to go back to sleep, takes a short nap in the afternoon and goes to bed at 8pm.  Which is a HUGE fight.  He literally hates to sleep.

I WISH he would calm with a cuddle, but NOPE.  He doesn't want to be cuddled.  He says he does, and then screams and runs away.  He literally SCREAMS for 80% of our waking hours together (when we're home - at daycare he's a charming wonderful obedient non-screamer).

The only thing he'll eat?  PB&J.  He's eating one right now, at 7:20am, b/c I don't feel like making him 20things and having him refuse them all.  I seriously DESPISE having a 2yo.  He WILL NOT eat anything else - he'll say, "I want yogurt" and then I'll get him some yogurt, "I don't want that" and then refuses to eat it.  I've tried eating the same thing as him, but then he just doesn't eat (he's not underweight - he's a good sized kid but I'm not exactly sure of his weight right now), and then he's even WORSE. 

What do you feed the kid that refuses to eat?  Do I just make him 6 PB&J's every day?  I'm at a loss.  And its just me.  At his dad's house, he's perfect - but his dad also gives him everything he ever wants whenever he visits, and ADMITS to giving him things just to make him stop crying.  Which I feel like DESTROYS any chances I ever had at having a peaceful home.  Everytime I say "No" DS says, "I WANT DADDDYYYYYYYYYYY"  - Yup, I'm sure you do, daddy gives you every single thing you want regardless of whether you're crying/screaming/freaking out/making everyone miserable or not.

Here, he is expected to ask nicely, in a non-whiney voice for things that he wants.  When he whines and says it in a whiney voice I respond with "I need you to ask in your sweet voice" which is of course met with MORE SCREAMING.

What the HELL is WRONG WITH MY CHILD??????????  Is there something wrong?  Does he have some special needs?  Or is he just spoiled ROTTEN at his dad's house?  WTH is going on here???

[LynnS6]

I can't give a hug smiilie because I'm on my phone.

I would look for ways to minimize conflict. If that means PB&J 6 times a day, so be it. That's not going to do him lasting harm, especially since I suspect he eats different things at daycare. What I might try is to make the PB and then put a few other things out and tell him he can choose any of them or not. My kids' daycare served family style starting at 12 months, and I was always amazed at the way they could regulate what they wanted and the sense of autonomy they had.

Another thought, do you bring a snack for the way home? Fruit was often eaten by my picky kids in the car when they'd turn it down at home. I'd bring fruit and a cereal bar or crackers, and a water bottle.

I've got an intense child who tantrums a fair amount. It's worse when she's tired, hungry or hasn't had enough attention from me. I'm not sure she could have always asked politely at age 2. We would ask her to, but more along the lines of "is that the same as 'can I please have some milk?'" Not until my kids hit 3-4 did we start insisting on the polite voice before giving them things.

It also helps me to be in the mindset that I don't have to fix her problems or stop her from feeling mad, I just need to be there for her when she needs me. If I can remember that, I don't get so frustrated by the tantrums. My job is to be the oak tree that she whirls around in fury, and that she comes to for shelter. Alas, it's all too easy to get caught up in her whirlwind. When I get sucked in, then we both spin out of control and it's not a pretty sight. That's where good self care can give you the strength to be the oak. I don't know how you can get that as a single mom, but I suspect it's even more important for you because you can't hand off your son when you're at the end of your rope.

If it helps, my daughter will still cry for daddy when she's mad at me, and dh and I are very much together. What she means is "I am really mad at you and want comfort, but not from you mean person!"

Have you read Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book 'Kids, parents and power struggles'? It was asuper helpful book for me
Edited by LynnS6 - 5/14/11 at 11:26am

[mamakay]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

I had a high needs 2-year-old who had very long and frequent tantrums about stuff like that. You'll be happy to know she is now a dramatic and emotional but under control 9-year-old now. But you won't be happy to know that she was still having tantrums at 3. And 4.

How I handle tantrums is to briefly empathize, "You want to call daddy" and maybe name an emotion, "You're disappointed that you can't call daddy" and then let it go until they stop crying. If they feel heard, it might help the tantrum take less time and it might not, but it will at least put you and them on the same page, and will get them used to talking about emotions instead of living them. It will only make things worse if you say something like "we could call daddy but you broke the charger." They want connection with you and anything that puts you and them on different teams, so to speak, is just going to prolong things. So briefly empathize, say a few words, and then let them wear themselves out. Afterward, give lots of love.

Tantrums are a stage to endure, and for some kids are a development stage they seem to need to go through. The key is to make them productive as far as learning goes so they will get less frequent. I think connection, and naming emotions, help.

My little one doesn't have tantrums. Odd how all kids are different.

I agree to make sure he is well fed and rested as there will be more tantrums when tired and/or hungry, but your experience doesn't sound like it is necessarily due to that, based on my older daughter's temperament. Some kids are just more intense.

This exactly . My first kid screamed all the time over everything and nothing for almost 2 and a half years. I don't regret trying everything to make things better, but I really wish someone would have told me that sometimes nothing "works". Some of 'em are just gonna be screamers.

My biggest survival secret was fencing in part of the front yard and making it totally toddler/preschooler-proof and turning the outside hose on "dribble" so he could play with water in cups and small buckets and mud and construction toys and cars by himself. It gave me a break. Also, the show "Little Bear" seemed to have a tranquilizing effect on him. lol.

Don't yell at or be otherwise "mean" to your kid. Putting yourself in time out in the bedroom/bathroom to get away from the screaming sometimes is fine and probably necessary. DON'T overthink whether or not your kid's incessant screaming is putting you in a bad mood, feeding/causing the kid's bad mood, etc (I drove myself NUTS wondering about that stuff back then, and in retrospect, it was futile.) Stay far, far away from all "Grand Theories of Parenting"/advice that assume it's possible to avoid power struggles. That stuff is great for kids like my kid #2, who is naturally mellow...but it was crazy-making with hyper-emotional kid #1.

Whenever you catch your kid NOT tantruming, take a picture. Physical proof that there actually ARE good times can help you get through the bad times.

[Super~Single~Mama]

SO much helpful stuff, I'm just going tp
 

Originally Posted by LynnS6 

I can't give a hug smiilie because I'm on my phone.

I would look for ways to minimize conflict. If that means PB&J 6 times a day, so be it. That's not going to do him lasting harm, especially since I suspect he eats different things at daycare. What I might try is to make the PB and then put a few other things out and tell him he can choose any of them or not. My kids' daycare served family style starting at 12 months, and I was always amazed at the way they could regulate what they wanted and the sense of autonomy they had.

Thanks, I always feel bad when I'm just feeding him the same thing over and over and over again.  He seriously would eat PB&J 6times a day on the weekends, which is crazy.  I do worry a little since his teacher at school says that he doesn't eat everything - mostly just fruits.  Which is good for him, no doubt, but its not protein and fat which he also needs.  I do worry about how to get protein and fat into him, b/c he's really picky about stuff like that.

Another thought, do you bring a snack for the way home? Fruit was often eaten by my picky kids in the car when they'd turn it down at home. I'd bring fruit and a cereal bar or crackers, and a water bottle.

His daycare is so awesome that they hand out apples and banana's every day, and he munches while we walk home.  The daycare is only 2 blocks away, so we walk every day - which is good for me and him I think

I've got an intense child who tantrums a fair amount. It's worse when she's tired, hungry or hasn't had enough attention from me. I'm not sure she could have always asked politely at age 2. We would ask her to, but more along the lines of "is that the same as 'can I please have some milk?'" Not until my kids hit 3-4 did we start insisting on the polite voice before giving them things.

It also helps me to be in the mindset that I don't have to fix her problems or stop her from feeling mad, I just need to be there for her when she needs me. If I can remember that, I don't get so frustrated by the tantrums. My job is to be the oak tree that she whirls around in fury, and that she comes to for shelter. Alas, it's all too easy to get caught up in her whirlwind. When I get sucked in, then we both spin out of control and it's not a pretty sight. That's where good self care can give you the strength to be the oak. I don't know how you can get that as a single mom, but I suspect it's even more important for you because you can't hand off your son when you're at the end of your rope.

If it helps, my daughter will still cry for daddy when she's mad at me, and dh and I are very much together. What she means is "I am really mad at you and want comfort, but not from you mean person!"

Have you read Mary Sheedy Kurcinka's book 'Kids, parents and power struggles'? It was asuper helpful book for me

I will have to get that book, and see what it says.  Thanks!
 

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by mamakay 

My biggest survival secret was fencing in part of the front yard and making it totally toddler/preschooler-proof and turning the outside hose on "dribble" so he could play with water in cups and small buckets and mud and construction toys and cars by himself. It gave me a break. Also, the show "Little Bear" seemed to have a tranquilizing effect on him. lol.

Don't yell at or be otherwise "mean" to your kid. Putting yourself in time out in the bedroom/bathroom to get away from the screaming sometimes is fine and probably necessary. DON'T overthink whether or not your kid's incessant screaming is putting you in a bad mood, feeding/causing the kid's bad mood, etc (I drove myself NUTS wondering about that stuff back then, and in retrospect, it was futile.) Stay far, far away from all "Grand Theories of Parenting"/advice that assume it's possible to avoid power struggles. That stuff is great for kids like my kid #2, who is naturally mellow...but it was crazy-making with hyper-emotional kid #1.

Whenever you catch your kid NOT tantruming, take a picture. Physical proof that there actually ARE good times can help you get through the bad times.

I already do take pictures when he isn't tantruming, LOL!  One of my favorites right now is from when he put on his own sunglasses upside down, LOL.  It's a cute picture, unfortunately its on my phone so its not good quality (I don't have a cool iphone)

I'm going to have to check out "little bear" and see if its online - I don't have a TV, and we don't have a yard (apartment in NYC).

I wish I was one of those mom's that never yelled or got frustrated and was never mean.  I certainly don't want to be mean, I don't want to yell, but there are times when I just lose it.  I try really hard, it just doesn't happen all the time b/c he knows what buttons to push (like jumping on the bed which is a BIG no-no in my house).  Going into my room to give myself a time-out is almost worse than anything b/c then he freaks out that he can't get to me, and screams and bashes himself into the door - its not quiet, its not peaceful, and there is no break from the screaming. 

Keep the advice coming!!!  If nothing else, I like knowing that my kid isn't the only one that does this.  Today he's been doing very well though, right now he's playing with blocks, he played with his dad at the park for an hour while I taught swim lessons, and ate some gyro for lunch (just the insides, but I don't care!).  Maybe part of it is that he's super tired on the weeknights?

[hjdmom24]

I can sooo sympathize. My 2 (soon to be 3 year old) is very similar. I find he reallllly enjoys seeing my (or anyone else ) get upset so I have to really control my reactions to what he does. On top of many tantrums a day he loves to bite and throw things. I am not great at controlling my reactions but I find all of the above are much more short lived if I stay very calm..which is not easy! I totally find myself saying things like "YOU broke the charger that's why you can't call your dad" but when I am thinking right I will react with empathy saying something like "the phone is broken and you must feel sad that you can't call daddy..sorry" and then offer hugs or sometimes begin to roughhouse with him...the second reaction shortens the tantrum significantly.

As for the food mine will eat noodles 24/7 and may only eat bites here and there of other things..one thing that does work though is to fix myself  something to eat and not offer him any...suddenly it's the most delicious thing in the world for him to eat even if he rejected it 2 min earlier. So I fix my food fully expecting he will eat most of it.

He is my fourth child with this temperament which is very hard for me because I am the laid back type who maybe had 1 tantrum as a kid. The best thing to remember is not to take what your kids do personally..when i take things personal I tend to get much more angry then if I remember that it is about something going on inside of him and what he needs is for me to guide him through it.

HTH some..especially to know you are not alone in having a child like this.

[insidevoice]

My oldest had a tendency to be like this.  It was hard.  I did eventually realize that it was a combination of sleep and nutrition (with a picky eater it feels like a bad cycle and you feel stuck.)  Once I did begin to get more nutrition into her it got a lot better.  I also needed to back her bedtime up to about 6pm. 

Now, she's a very cool preteen who is pretty dramatic and emotional, but is usually better at managing it. 

The phase you are describing started at two, and got immensely and overwhelmingly worst at three.  It was like a slap in the face when everyone had been telling me how much easier three would be- so be aware of and prepared for that possibility. 

In the meantime, choose your battles.  It sounds like you are saying no a lot, and the kid is frustrated.  Instead of making a sippy cup and having it be 'wrong'  have two made in the fridge and let him choose which one he wants. If he wants PB&J all. the. time. get creative with a variety of jellies and look for a variety of nut butters- put it on homemade bread and sneak extra nutrition into the bread when you bake it.  Create a yes environment. 

Also, I find it MUCH easier raising my two-nearly three year old with language delay and special needs than it was raising my apparently neurotypical oldest.  I didn't know then about sensory needs, and I didn't know how to play with the environment to meet her needs.  That is something to look into as well.  Does your son need a mellow  environment with muted light?  Does he do better with bright open spacces?  Does he need quiet, or is upbeat music a help?  Play with everything in his world until you find the right fit. 

[mamazee]

Oh! I remembered something. Another thing that really helped my dd was having a breakfast based on protein (like eggs) rather than based on grain (like cereal). And she can not handle anything even slightly sweet in the morning - so no pancakes or muffins or fruit juice. Making that change affected her behavior not just in the morning, but all the day right through to bedtime.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by mamazee 

Oh! I remembered something. Another thing that really helped my dd was having a breakfast based on protein (like eggs) rather than based on grain (like cereal). And she can not handle anything even slightly sweet in the morning - so no pancakes or muffins or fruit juice. Making that change affected her behavior not just in the morning, but all the day right through to bedtime.

I would LOVE to give him protein based breakfast - but he refuses to eat eggs.  Of any kind.

Are there any other good protein based breakfasts that I could work into the morning???

insidevoice - I don't have time to do homemade bread, or the money to do different kinds of nut butters and things.  I wish I did, but its just too much.  Also, my ds is incredibly verbal - he easily has a vocabulary of 1,000+ words.  He talks more than any other child I know thats his age, and he understands abstract concepts (such as patience - he knows what the word means, and knows what being patient is, but certainly isn't able to be patient all the time).

And, right this moment, DS is eating PB&J # 2.  Life with a 2yo, somehow, I just don't get it.

Edited by Super~Single~Mama - 5/14/11 at 3:12pm

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by insidevoice 

The phase you are describing started at two, and got immensely and overwhelmingly worst at three.  It was like a slap in the face when everyone had been telling me how much easier three would be- so be aware of and prepared for that possibility. 

This was what I was thinking.  2 for us was hard, but it has stayed hard through 3, 4, 5, and now almost 6.  It's just a different kind of defiance as they get older.

It's been a while since I read it, but the book "The Challenging Child" has some good tips.

Is he like that at daycare?  Have you considered going to therapy with him in case he's having a hard time with the 2 separate households?

Has he been evaluated by a developmental professional?  Screaming like that doesn't sound normal or typical to me.  Have food intolerances been explored?

[Bokonon]

Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama 

I would LOVE to give him protein based breakfast - but he refuses to eat eggs.  Of any kind.

Are there any other good protein based breakfasts that I could work into the morning???

insidevoice - I don't have time to do homemade bread, or the money to do different kinds of nut butters and things.  I wish I did, but its just too much.  Also, my ds is incredibly verbal - he easily has a vocabulary of 1,000+ words.  He talks more than any other child I know thats his age, and he understands abstract concepts (such as patience - he knows what the word means, and knows what being patient is, but certainly isn't able to be patient all the time).

And, right this moment, DS is eating PB&J # 2.  Life with a 2yo, somehow, I just don't get it.

Peanut butter has a ton of protein, so if that's what he's getting for breakfast, he's getting protein!

[jessica_s]

I just want to commiserate with ya. I will echo the info that you don't want to hear about 3 (being the worst year for us) and 4 hasn't been a piece of cake either. We're heading into 5 and uh.. yeah not so great yet although it's a different sorta fun. lol

I also have to say that when we were finally able to get him to sleep a decent amount each night there is a marked difference in behavior. He has to have 11 hours - which sounds crazy that he sleeps that long since he was the kid that didn't STTN till close to 3. But if he has 10 1/2? He's mean, grumpy, and just no fun to be around. We played around a lot with bedtimes until we found one that worked. He had a window that was considerably earlier than we even imagined, we also just have resigned to the fact that the nighttime routine takes an hour now. 

I think you've got a lot of great advice so far. I like the analogy about being the tree that is the calm in the storm. Works like that for us too, the more I freak out the higher he goes. I have to concentrate on diffusing the situation and sometimes that means picking my battles. If it's not a hill I want to die on I stay off it, cause my DS thinks EVERY hill is one to die on. I think everyone in our family thinks we're just letting him get his way or he's controlling us but really and truly we're not. I just smile, shake my head and tell them that this kid is a difficult one to parent. When I find myself being grumpy, mean and short tempered at him I have to take a step back and just promise myself to be nice. That's what we tell him to do a lot and sometimes I need to be a better model for that. So if we're in a hurry and he decides to take the long way out of the car when I feel the urge to say hurry up!! I count to three and usually he's out of the car. I didn't need to hound him about it but wow he takes a boat load of patience! 

One more thing.. the anchor that got us through our rough year was laughter so the two sort of quotes I like best about those in the 3 age range are: Three is when you find out just how mad you can get and Reasoning with a 3 year old is like switching seats on the Titanic. :D Enjoy! 

[Drummer's Wife]

You've already gotten some good advice, but I just got done with age 3 with our youngest (of four kids; he just turned 4) and OMG, I would take a 2 yr old any day over a 3 yr old.  I know, not really helpful, but I think for the majority of kids, it gets worse before it gets better... so if you can find a way to make it work - even if it includes six PB&J's a day, it will save you a bit of sanity.  If anything, it doesn't improve drastically until age 5-6.  Reasoning with a typical 2 yr old is actually not near as frustrating as it is with an outspoken, opinionated, hard-headed, more resilient, bigger kid. 

[hakeber]

I second the idea of protein based breakfasts.  I can get DS to eat a minimum of 10g of protein a day with very little effort.

2 toaster waffles each with a tablespoon of peanut butter has 13 gm of protein.  Add a banana to that and you've got a pretty complete complete breakfast.

A smoothie with a handful of fruit and berries (I use a raw egg but you could also use powdered whites), a half a cup of greek yogurt, two tablespoons of protein powder drink for kids, a drizzle of honey, and a handful of ice cubes comes to about 15 grams of protein.

A PB and J sandwich with whole grain seeded bread can come to as much as 13 grams of peanut butter. 

You also need to let go of your idea of what it means to be a good mom when it comes to food (we all do). Between 2 and 4 I made more peanut butter and jam sandwiches than I can remember.  It was absurd,  But it's not totally unhealthy if he is also eating fruit throughout the day.  With this age group it is more important to look at the big picture rather than meal by meal,  he doesn't need three square meals in three different times of the day.  He needs a balance of protein fats and vitamins throughout the day.  So if he has six peanut butter and jam sandwiches (and you can get him to do so on whole grain bread) and three apples and a glass of milk (or if he's still nursing, even better) he's getting everything he needs.  Don't feel bad about it.

The less you push for him to try new things the sooner he will be excited to try new things, especially if you are always trying new things and raving about how excited you are to try them.

 My DH is yelling at me to come to dinner already so I will post more later.

[Super~Single~Mama]

Originally Posted by hakeber 

You also need to let go of your idea of what it means to be a good mom when it comes to food (we all do). Between 2 and 4 I made more peanut butter and jam sandwiches than I can remember.  It was absurd,  But it's not totally unhealthy if he is also eating fruit throughout the day.  With this age group it is more important to look at the big picture rather than meal by meal,  he doesn't need three square meals in three different times of the day.  He needs a balance of protein fats and vitamins throughout the day.  So if he has six peanut butter and jam sandwiches (and you can get him to do so on whole grain bread) and three apples and a glass of milk (or if he's still nursing, even better) he's getting everything he needs.  Don't feel bad about it.

Thanks, for your whole post, but mostly this.  He does eat whole grain bread - I buy the Arnolds brand wheat, and I try to get different kinds.  So one week it will be 12grain, then I'll try the honey wheat, and those are the only 2 that I can think of right now, but I always always get a dense yummy whole grain bread - I can't stand any other kind, and neither can his dad so thats the only bread he's ever had.

He will eat veggies (peas are his favorites, but I hate them) so I keep frozen ones to give to him, and I try to remember every day.  Sometimes it doesn't happen.  He's not still nursing - he self weaned basically on his 2nd birthday, although he did nurse a few times after that.

I'm not to keen on greek yogurt, but the first time I tried it, it was awful - which probably was b/c the yogurt may have been bad (I didn't check the date or anything) - any brand or type that is better than others?

[crunchy_mommy]

Oh man, I can really, really relate. And I want to cry when I hear that 3 & 4 are WORSE. I cannot imagine a worse. DS was a really difficult baby and a difficult toddler and we had 2 or 3 great weeks right around his second birthday but overall 2 has been pretty bad too.

Luckily, my DS will eat just about anything (spicy Indian curries, Mexican with tabasco... no joke... I'm not sure he even has tastebuds )

Other than that though, he sounds so much like your little guy (even down to the 'highly verbal' thing). He's always screaming, always mad... He says he wants X, you give him X, he SCREAMS, "I DIDN'T WANT X! I WANTED Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WANT IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!" and melts down, and even if you do give in & give him Y, he just breaks down even further. I can't win with him. He is an angel when he's out though (well, most of the time!) mostly because he is terrified of 'loud noises' (which includes everything from far-off traffic noises to someone vacuuming a mile down the roud ) but he really likes being out, ironically, so we spend tons and tons of time out of the house. I dread returning home because I know the minute we walk in the door (or even on the car ride home, since he wants to stay out) he will revert to the screaming... I can't take it. And throw in some pinching, hiting, and biting and I just want to run away & hide too... Fortunately (well, unfortunately really) DH was laid off so I almost always can just hand DS over & get some space. I'm terrified of DH finding a job

So I guess I don't really have much advice since I obviously don't seem to have the ability to handle this myself either... Just get him out of the house if that helps... get breaks whenever you can... I will say that we are in the middle of an EI evaluation for DS, he has sensory problems and possibly other issues, and I wonder if that's something you'd want to consider with your DS as well? Maybe that's way off-base (not enough info in your post to know!) but just wanted to mention it.