"Mama do it"

[crayfishgirl]

Hi Mamas

We have a 2 year old who insists that I do everything....pouring her milk, getting her dressed, undoing her booster seat straps, everything....and if my husband tries to do something she freaks.  I would have thought maybe a phase, but this has been 6months +.  This would be less of an issue if we didn't have an 8 week old and I'm just not available all the time now.  I don't know how to gently encourage her to accept my husband doing things.  She's incredibly articulate (speaks in complete sentences) so we can discuss things, but also really determined when she sets her mind on something.  Note that I work outside the home and my husband is the at-home parent, so she's accepting of him doing things when I'm not here.

Suggestions? 

[MsFortune]

Let her freak.  She will survive and adjust.

[mamazee]

I think there's nothing wrong with doing what you can when practical, but there's also nothing wrong with not doing things you can't practically do. Toddlers have tantrums and she will have them over this or something else. Let her have her tantrums. They learn a lot through tantrums, and one of the things they learn is that everything isn't always going to go just how they'd like it to go, and that it's ok if things don't go how they'd like.

[crunchy_mommy]

We have been dealing with this for 2+ years now. Whether DH stays at home with DS or takes him out or I am home/out with DS or whether we are all together, it doesn't matter, he ALWAYS wants me to do stuff & has since the day he was born.

Our 'system' is for DH to just continue trying to do whatever it is, unless it's really important or DS is having an overly emotional day. I can't say he's adjusted at all though. It's really frustrating and sad for all of us.

[*~*SewHappyNow*~*]

I've been exactly where you are.  It was actually more my younger who was always dictating who she wanted to do stuff for her, though.  My dh was a SAHD and I work outside the home.  She did go through phases though, sometimes if was dad she wanted and sometimes me.

I think it is important that she learn to accept things won't always go just as she wants.  We still struggle with this, and she is now 6...  so I would advise, do not let her be the dictator.  You are the parents and she is the child. 

The other thing, though, is you said you have an 8 week old who is now taking her place as "the baby".  This is probably making her very uncertain of her place in your heart.  She is only 2, but if you could set aside a special time for just you and her to do something alone.  Reassure her that she is just as important and still your baby, even if she is the older sister now.  She may not be able to speak with you, but I've found kids understand a lot more than we think sometimes.