Help Decide!

[asprague]

My last menstrual cycle we were trying for #3. I got my period and suddenly I don't want 3 kids. This happened a few months ago, I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and suddenly didn't want more children. Why am I unable to make a solid decision here? Any one else have experience with this?

I really want my kiddos all together in age, not spread Faaaaar apart, so if I want more kids, I need to do it NOW. My oldest is nearly four and my youngest is 2, they were 20 months apart and if we got preggo this cycle there would be a 2 3/4 year difference, much further apart.

Sorry to vent a little, but I really can't make up my mind and my husband really wants FOUR kids. Ugh. He understands that the decision is really mine to make, but I want him to be happy, so I would hate to veto the third child completely. Help!

[tabrizia]

I'd just wait for now if you aren't sure.  The worst that happens is there is a big gap between 2 and 3.  If you decide to eventually have 4 you can always have 3 and 4 close together like 1 and 2 were.  A big age gap isn't really a big deal, other then having to get back into baby mode again when the baby comes.

You sound really unsure right now though, so I would just wait till you are sure one way or the other.

[Kindermama]

I felt the same way after my miscarriage and every month that I didn't get a BFP before that. For me, I think it was a way to protect myself from the disappointment of a BFN each month and then it came from the deep-seated grief of losing our baby at 9 weeks this past March. During the miscarriage, I was like "oh, well it wasn't meant to be" but over time, my body clearly released some intense grief, as did my husband's (he was crying about it today even though we're already pregnant again). I think when we have expectations and it requires more patience than we have for those things to manifest themselves, it can get confusing! Can you just stay "open" for whenever and however and let what's meant to be, BE!? The "trying" is fun at least! ;) 

[NZJMama]

We tried for #3 for about 10 months. I remember feeling relieved  and disappointed every month when I didn't get a BFP, but we still kept trying. When I finally got a BFP, I cried and they weren't tears of joy. It came at a time when I was realizing how liberating it would be to be done with the baby stage. DS#2 was potty trained, DH and I went to Hawaii ALONE and it was fabulous. Then BAM... pregnant.,Even though we were trying it took me a while to adjust to the idea of having a baby again. Obviously, I don't regret it now. I think for me it was the unknown. I wanted to feel settled. I knew that if we had 3, we would be done for good, but having 2 and not knowing if or when there would be a third really threw me for a loop.  It made it hard for me to plan for the future. Now that I know we are done for good, I don't have have any real desire to have another one. Other than I mourn the fact that I will never be pregnant, give birth or nurse a newborn again. But, now I can look back on those years as some of my best so far.

 I'm sort of just rambling here, I don't really have any advice to give, but I do understand what you are going through.  Good luck with your decision. 

[justKate]

I go through this every month. Between the time I O and AF comes, I desperately want to be pg.  Once AF arrives I'm so relieved and content with one child.  Like the PP said, I think a lot of the emotion comes from not knowing whether you're done, or want to be done...maybe let time make the decision for you, without trying or avoiding.  And I'm sorry for your lost baby.