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Did I just do CIO? - Page 3

post #41 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by D_McG View Post



So if you let her cry for a minute she falls asleep.  Otherwise you spend 1.5 hours each time trying to get her to sleep?

How is this even a debate, seriously.

 

I honestly think being SO terrified of letting a child cry causes more problems than it solves.  It wouldn't even register on my radar if one of my kids cried for SIXTY SECONDS.  How do you people pee?  winky.gif

I haven't peed alone since DD was born and she is 2 now...If I do close the door on her she just runs over and bangs on it hysterically..I miss the good old days of pooping in peace as well.

 

post #42 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ldavis24 View Post



I haven't peed alone since DD was born and she is 2 now...If I do close the door on her she just runs over and bangs on it hysterically..I miss the good old days of pooping in peace as well.

 



oh my goodness.  I would go insane.  InSANE!!  

post #43 of 47

*hugs* mama.. I have been in a similar situation with my two (2.75 and 6 months)... neither are good sleepers, both are sleep fighters,  and my DH goes out of town a couple nights a week for work. we have had to figure out lots of creative things for sleep..

 

a few things-- first I would try to rule out reflux or food allergies/sensitivites. does she have any food allergy or reflux signs? My DS2 definitely sleeps worse when he is having tummy issues. He has reflux, food intolerances, and I have oversupply and overactive letdown which gives him gas.. just a few things to consider..

 

second- do you have a good routine to your day? a few weeks ago I instituted a "schedule" to our day (very loose, but I try to stick with it) and it has made a HUGE difference in both of my boys. The younger one is sleeping more predictably, and the older one is getting a chance to run off energy and have his needs met at certain times, so that he is more easily occupied during the times I need to get DS2 to sleep and he has to play alone. Oh, and I highly recommend reading "sleepless in america" LOTS of great ideas for structuring your day to maximize sleep!

 

third-- you need to figure out something else for getting your DD to sleep. One nap a day most definitely, two 15 minute naps are not worth it. She is a year old, not a tiny infant anymore, and I would do some gentle sleep training. I would not be spending an hour getting her to sleep. Honestly I would nurse/rock for 15-20 minutes max and then lay her down.. if she cries you can go back in after a few minutes, but if she is falling asleep after one minute- by all means do it. you could also try leaving her in her crib with a few toys and the light on and see if she falls asleep by accident.. sounds counterintuitive, but it has worked for my DS1 who previously would only sleep with dark, quiet, and lots of cuddling (and rocking and nursing when he was a baby). we just tell him he has to rest quietly and we will be in there in a few minutes, and he falls asleep. Now if we tell him that he needs to go to sleep and we turn off the light and close the door, he freaks out.

 

you have two kids now, and you can't get to both all of the time.. an hour is too long to leave your DS alone without any contact a few times a day. that said, before you do go back to get your DD to sleep, make sure that he has a snack, toy, movie, everything he needs so that he is not waiting on you for those things. honestly i don't know how you have made it a year without her having to cry alone some! You are doing a great job, you are a great mom, you just need to cut yourself a little slack. ;)

post #44 of 47
Wait - so if she cries for that one little minute, she falls asleep? There's your answer, right there! Let her cry for one minute and you won't have to spend hours attempting to nurse her to sleep.

I'm no CIO advocate, but clearly hours of nursing are not meeting the child's needs to go to sleep. But if a minute of fussing or crying will have her asleep, then clearly she's a tension releaser and needs that minute to go to sleep. Letting a child cry who will absolutely fall asleep after that one minute is not CIO, imo.
post #45 of 47
Quote:
Originally Posted by zinemama View Post

Wait - so if she cries for that one little minute, she falls asleep? There's your answer, right there! Let her cry for one minute and you won't have to spend hours attempting to nurse her to sleep.

I'm no CIO advocate, but clearly hours of nursing are not meeting the child's needs to go to sleep. But if a minute of fussing or crying will have her asleep, then clearly she's a tension releaser and needs that minute to go to sleep. Letting a child cry who will absolutely fall asleep after that one minute is not CIO, imo.


I totally agree with this.  A child crying for 1 minute is NOT CIO.  My DD went through a similiar phase.  She is my rough sleeper.  She still is very restless and has to now throw herself all over her bed to get to sleep (and yes she gets plenty of outside/climbing/running time).  It's just how she is.  I think she may already have restless leg syndrome... I have it, and some nights it's impossible for me to get to sleep without all kinds of stretches and what not too.

post #46 of 47

I would definitely rule out any health issues/reflux/whatever, and if you can solve that or there's nothing to cure, let her cry for the minute (or 5) and then fall asleep. I was determined not to let DS CIO and was horrified whenever he started crying. It was exhausting. Finally, when he was around 1, two things happened: One was that he dropped one of his two naps, and actually started sleeping 3 or 4 hours every afternoon. If your DD is only sleeping 15 minutes at a time, maybe the nap won't be so long, but I'd expect a half hour, at least. The second was that he started crying at night after I got him down. He was never too easy to get to sleep, but something in our routine had to change. Once I started doing things a bit differently, it worked fine. One of the things I did was start feeding him right before bed to make sure he was as full as possible. (He wasn't eating solids yet. If your DD is, give her something filling. IDK if BM is more filling than, say, an avocado or something like that, but it can't hurt to try.)

 

Something else that jumped out at me... Lots of moms have come on here for advice on how to deal with the older kid when a new baby comes along. Across the board, the advice was to tend to the older kids first, then the baby, even if the baby is crying. That surprised me, as most here are anti-CIO, but it made sense. They said that the older kids know consciously they're having to wait til the baby is settled, and they start to feel resentful and more needy of attention. If they know they, too, are a priority and can see that they come first sometimes, they don't feel as insecure and the baby isn't any wiser to know that the big kids are getting their needs met first.

 

You've gotten some good advice here. I hope you'll find it in yourself to give different things a try (and give them a chance to work too -- it won't happen overnight) and that you can find a good routine that works for all of you. And once you do, know that something else will change and you'll have to do it all over! ;-)

 

ETA: I got distracted by DS and lost my point in there. I don't think what you did was CIO, and at around the same age, I *had* to let DS cry a little at night b/c that was the only way he would actually get to sleep. I didn't like it, but it didn't last long once I stuck to my guns and stopped going in. Going in just upset him more and got him distracted, where I think with leaving him alone, he would cry a bit to get out the last bit of energy from the day, and then was able to unwind. Having us around (even now) is too stimulating for him to relax sometimes. He is now 3, and gave up his nap, but apparently still needs it sometimes. We do quiet time, but if he moves around too much, he has to go in his room by himself instead of staying with me. The days he goes into his room, he naps for a couple of hours at least 90% of the time. The days he stays with me, he doesn't sleep 100% of the time.


Edited by swd12422 - 5/24/11 at 7:18am
post #47 of 47

this is in no shape way or form CIO.

not even a little.

promise.

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