Have you ever been accused of favoring one of your kids?

[mamazee]

My sister told me I favor my older dd, which isn't the case - I have no favorite. But she got really upset about it, saying I "routinely"spend more on Christmas and birthdays on the older one. The little one is only 2 so there isn't a routine for birthdays or Christmas yet, and I don't honestly know who I spent more on. 9-year-olds are more expensive than 2-year-olds so I probably do in general spend more on the older one, and she had a birthday party which cost money. But I don't favor her. My sister doesn't have kids and maybe that affects what she sees?

Anyway, I'm confident I don't favor either of them but I was surprised by my sister's accusation and honestly a bit offended. I'm wondering if anyone else has had anyone say this to them, and how you responded?

I remember her telling my sister-in-law the same thing once, but I didn't know what specifics she was seeing.

[bandgeek]

Well first of all, money doesn't buy love.  If you spend more money on one, it doesn't mean you LOVE that child more.  And you are right, older kids cost more.  Their toys cost more, their clothes cost more. 

I spend more money on my son than on my daughter.  Why?  Because my DD is *showered* with gifts by EVERYONE.  She is disabled and we all know her time with us is short.  She has 3 nurses that spoil her to death, buying her clothes and toys.  So when it comes to her b-day or xmas, I don't buy much of anything for her, but go all-out for my DS since he doesn't get "special treatment".

If you obviously preferred spending more time with one child, or treated one child unkindly I would be able to see where she was coming from.  But the money thing just doesn't even matter, especially with the large age gap.

Try not to worry about it.  No parent tracks everything they spend to make sure everything is "equal".  Most people provide what is needed based on what each kid needs!

[ollyoxenfree]

Is she a younger sister who felt she didn't get as much attention or money (had to wear lots of hand-me-downs and didn't get many new toys) from your parents? She might be sensitive to an impression of favouritism. If she is working out her old problems by imagining them through you and your children, I don't think you have to play along. You could justify yourself to her. You can point out the different needs of your children and how you meet them. You can explain that the younger one's needs are less financial but she may need more time and attention. You can talk to her about her own insecurities and issues. Or you can just laugh if she mentions it again, thank her for caring about your children but that both children know you love them and they get what they need and change the subject.